Intimacy: Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 0

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 701

12/09/2009 22:13

Spicy

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 4 346

Walk on the wild side

Hiding from the drama

Dementia or hate? You decide

Yeet it time

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 12:59

Today, I got fired for not being mature enough. I just found out I’m pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 334

I'm not a monster, I'm a human being

By Casey - 18/03/2021 11:01

Today, on vacation my wife asked if I wanted her to take my picture. I realized it was the first time in our 10 years she had asked me that question. Moments later I realized it's the first time in my life that anyone's ever asked me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 91

13/11/2009 01:54

Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 993

You deserved it 3 450

11/04/2013 19:38

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 399

You deserved it 8 449

19/02/2016 23:34

Today, my grandma posted an embarrassing childhood photo on my school's events page. I told her everyone could see it, and asked if she could take it down. She freaked and commented on it, apologizing for posting it. Now I feel guilty for embarrassing her, and it's still on the page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 287

You deserved it 2 566

12/11/2012 21:20

Spicy

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 026

You deserved it 3 203

Keep some things to yourself

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 17:01

Today, a colleague was talking about how she'd made some tomato sauce from scratch for her dad, but then he died before she could give it to him. I said she should have put it in the casket with him so the cremation would've been a real barbeque. My filter is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 3 286

16/10/2012 11:28

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 720

You deserved it 12 839

Wrong place, right time

By Anonymous - 12/03/2020 16:00

Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn't taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what's up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 834

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 14:00

Today, after my ex broke up with me, I threw out all the clothes he’d bought me before, which was basically my entire wardrobe. Anyway, this creepy guy who lives a few blocks away seems to be wearing my old clothes and waves my bras and panties at me. It’s gross and creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 1 177

30/07/2009 13:33

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 345

You deserved it 3 395

18/12/2011 07:44

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 241

You deserved it 2 564

03/09/2011 04:33

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 612

You deserved it 2 707

My brain hates me

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 10:01

Today, I had my third incapacitating headache this week. This has been happening for months. Pain killers and other remedies seem to work at random, if at all. Nobody has been able to tell me the cause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 46

20/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 508

13/02/2012 14:22

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 113

You deserved it 6 313

16/11/2009 10:40

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 950

You deserved it 3 965

27/09/2016 17:37

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 942

You deserved it 3 008

18/03/2019 00:00

Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 279

The definition of irony

By Rastaa_Reyes - 16/05/2019 23:52

Today, I went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She kept telling me to put my keys away so I wouldn't lose them. After a few times, I got annoyed and yelled at her. When we got back to her house, I realized I'd lost my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 2 873

21/01/2011 02:24

Today, I found out how hard a lemon is to the nuts when being hurled by an angry girlfriend for losing at Wii Sports. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 477

You deserved it 5 043

Cats are Satan's Minions

By I don't trust them. - 02/07/2017 18:00

Today, I learned that our cats love to knock over glasses and cups, particularly if they have liquid in them. The latest victim of their antics? My expensive computer keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 145

You deserved it 964

02/02/2011 14:30

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 153

You deserved it 3 004

Timing

By king of 8 - 09/05/2021 11:00

Today, on the way to an exam, I got hit by a car. I got back up and limped to class. The teacher wouldn’t let me in because I was 10 seconds late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 57

09/07/2009 01:28

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 677

You deserved it 6 280

09/02/2015 06:23

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 800

You deserved it 2 486

03/07/2019 06:00

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 91

09/12/2009 00:44

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 2 673

16/06/2011 13:20

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 145

You deserved it 5 948

01/09/2013 04:40

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 775

You deserved it 3 530

01/03/2012 16:37

Today, I missed an important phone call. It's been so long since someone has called me that I didn't recognize my own ringtone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 4 374

25/02/2010 07:05

Today, while waiting to do a presentation in class I felt someone flick my back, but when I turned around no one was there. It wasn't until I got up in front of the whole class that I felt my bra slowly sliding down my body. Turns out that the "flick" I felt was actually my bra clasp busting open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 471

You deserved it 3 368

01/12/2009 06:20

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 908

You deserved it 4 543

07/02/2017 09:00

Today, after a week of being tired and depressed, I realized my bottles for anti-depressants and muscle relaxants had gotten switched around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 599

You deserved it 1 465

05/02/2010 06:25

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 116

You deserved it 3 562

31/03/2014 20:07

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 206

You deserved it 4 487

06/12/2010 20:31

Today, I found my iPhone. Too bad it was when I was getting my clothes out of the washer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 117

You deserved it 29 118

17/03/2011 15:11

Today, I was moving to the city with all my belongings when the trailer came unhitched, breaking the chains on my dad's homemade trailer. I then watched as the trailer narrowly missed a guardrail, went down a hill and into a river. My dad still won't admit he didn't latch the hitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 178

You deserved it 4 368

25/10/2014 21:31

Spicy

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 211

You deserved it 9 692

16/07/2011 19:19

Today, after working all day and putting in hours of overtime, I realized I never clocked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 975

You deserved it 18 815

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Top comments

Dreamworld_fml 0

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:45

Wow that's pretty sad lol. You must not be all that satisfying in bed : / You should have grabbed her waist, lifting her slightly in the air, and pound the shit out of her to make her really scream and moan and hang up that damn phone. ; )

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Sunday 13 September 2009 9:27

multitasking sucks, fyl maybe next time when you do it at the kitchen, she can make you a sandwich

Comments

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Sunday 13 September 2009 9:23

hahahahahahahaha FAIL :)

Delahelacopter 0

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Friday 2 October 2009 10:15

Thats hilarious.... and oddly arousing..

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Monday 12 October 2009 20:21

Yeh.... it has some appeal to it for some odd reason... :P

pedobearsstalker 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:29

yeah dad the kids are fi...ha...ha...HAAAAYYOOOOEWWW...fine

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Saturday 5 February 2011 7:55

What's the FML here? Multitasking is an important trait in a woman. She's a keeper.

Crncj 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 4:49

at least she kept going

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Sunday 13 September 2009 9:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

steffanie_fml 0

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:02

sexist jokes ftw.

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Sunday 13 September 2009 18:12

Haha, win xD

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Sunday 23 May 2010 0:15

epic win!

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Sunday 13 September 2009 9:34

Epic

miniman332211 0

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:21

dude u kiddin that's hot. how is this an fml lol

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Sunday 13 September 2009 9:41

1st post

Lx416 0

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Tuesday 29 June 2010 6:54

salty.. lmao -ł

T1MBO 0

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Sunday 13 September 2009 9:43

And you did nothing about it? I'm sorry but YDI. Your life isn't effed, you just have a wife who doesn't prioritize. Try oral next time.

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:00

that is fucked up

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:16

I agree with #6

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Saturday 30 July 2011 1:42

how? it's not really a fml it's just she's way to comfortable with her family or it could be the sex is bad which makes it a fml

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Saturday 22 October 2011 17:50

I agree with #10

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:04

How is this an FML? Your wife is awesome. I bet you'd complain if she made you a sandwich and accidently chose sourdough instead of white... Sourdough is awesome.

gev 0

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:08

what, this sort of thing is a problem?

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:44

egh, I'm sure based on context it was bad sex. but personally I think it's hot trying to carry on a conversation while having sex. it's funny and bizzare and really worth it if they break their composure!

stolencookie 17

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Wednesday 26 September 2012 22:45

It's difficult. My ex used to answer my phone and hand it to me on purpose while we did it. The sex was never bad, so it was no easy task.

Dreamworld_fml 0

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Sunday 13 September 2009 10:45

Wow that's pretty sad lol. You must not be all that satisfying in bed : / You should have grabbed her waist, lifting her slightly in the air, and pound the shit out of her to make her really scream and moan and hang up that damn phone. ; )

littlegolferboy 4

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Sunday 13 September 2009 20:50

You've watched too many pornos.

Tevon 0

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Sunday 13 September 2009 22:21

@29 Agreed

acoti 0

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Monday 21 September 2009 7:29

LMAO that was awesome #29

pedobearsstalker 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:31

it's called experience 29 but I can picture that dad: hey hon OP's wife: SWEET MOTHA FOCKA JESUS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 16:28

says Pedobearsstalker?

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Thursday 14 July 2011 12:44

Yeah. I'm sure it's from experience.