Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She...

By 0ros - 12/9/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

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Intimacy

Understandable

Family values

Out of it

By dannyboy - 30/3/2012 16:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2016 16:37 - United States - Middletown

Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML

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By holly10350 - 14/10/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

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By LadyLola - 25/11/2013 05:22 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

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By child - 10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 07:54 - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

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By esoog - 19/5/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

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By pinkrazorsare4men - 16/11/2016 00:51

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

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By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML

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By Christinemh329 - 17/2/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

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By macaroni17 - 10/4/2014 02:33 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

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By olyswimmer - 3/2/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 15:18 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

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By red button - 11/2/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, my entire family sat down in the living room to watch the video I recorded of my sister's graduation from college. I never pressed record. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2019 04:00

Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML

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2088

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By Mel - 23/5/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

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By Dee - 13/7/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

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By walkingisfun - 2/7/2017 20:00

Today, the university bike permit that I'd ordered half a year ago finally arrived. Unfortunately, my bike was stolen months ago. FML

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4751

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By raidered - 8/3/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

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By lingling - 16/12/2012 00:57 - United States - Germantown

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

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By j4 - 19/12/2014 23:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

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By Faktafem - 19/6/2019 23:55

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

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By anonymous - 3/6/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

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By OMGraven - 19/2/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

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By EpicBunBun - 10/5/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He had stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

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By Dez - 26/11/2017 19:00 - United States - Anchorage

Apparently not.

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

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By Katy - 18/12/2018 14:00

Today, I fell in a vent in our floor while decorating our Christmas tree. My husband removed the grates months ago to increase airflow. I fell in past my knee and he had to pull me out by the arms. It's been four days and I can still barely walk. My office is on a second floor... We don't have an elevator. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

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By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

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By acorn - 8/8/2009 23:59 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

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By that_culinary_degree_though - 13/5/2014 02:46 - United States - Auburn

Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2014 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

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By Username - 24/7/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

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By i2xl - 24/2/2012 15:28 - Canada

Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML

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By walkingdictionary - 18/1/2013 02:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

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By homersgirl - 30/9/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

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Top comments

By Dreamworld_fml | 0

#560216 - Sunday 13 September 2009 10:45

Wow that's pretty sad lol. You must not be all that satisfying in bed : / You should have grabbed her waist, lifting her slightly in the air, and pound the shit out of her to make her really scream and moan and hang up that damn phone. ; )

By cr4ckb0n3f4n | 0

#560070 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:27

multitasking sucks, fyl
maybe next time when you do it at the kitchen, she can make you a sandwich

COMMENTS

By j0vanaw0ah | 0

#560053 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:23

hahahahahahahaha FAIL :)

Delahelacopter | 0

#599279 - Friday 2 October 2009 10:15

Thats hilarious.... and oddly arousing..

MadVlrus | 1

#617657 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:21

Yeh.... it has some appeal to it for some odd reason... :P

pedobearsstalker | 0

#906492 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:29

yeah dad the kids are fi...ha...ha...HAAAAYYOOOOEWWW...fine

bagginzy | 14

#2047298 - Saturday 5 February 2011 7:55

What's the FML here? Multitasking is an important trait in a woman. She's a keeper.

Crncj | 0

#2887644 - Thursday 14 July 2011 4:49

at least she kept going

By cr4ckb0n3f4n | 0

#560070 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:27

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

steffanie_fml | 0

#560141 - Sunday 13 September 2009 10:02

sexist jokes ftw.

White667 | 0

#560874 - Sunday 13 September 2009 18:12

Haha, win xD

peedxdxdx | 0

#1002728 - Sunday 23 May 2010 0:15

epic win!

By LLiizzzz___ | 0

#560088 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:34

Epic

miniman332211 | 0

#909583 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:21

dude u kiddin that's hot. how is this an fml lol

By ParkerBeach | 1

#560101 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:41

1st post

Lx416 | 0

#1048174 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 6:54

salty.. lmao

-ł

By T1MBO | 0

#560109 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:43

And you did nothing about it? I'm sorry but YDI. Your life isn't effed, you just have a wife who doesn't prioritize. Try oral next time.

By stephxor | 0

#560140 - Sunday 13 September 2009 10:00

that is fucked up

werzal | 5

#560182 - Sunday 13 September 2009 10:16

I agree with #6

Brittaneyyy | 0

#2997584 - Saturday 30 July 2011 1:42

how? it's not really a fml it's just she's way to comfortable with her family or it could be the sex is bad which makes it a fml

Taylo12237 | 5

#3472130 - Saturday 22 October 2011 17:50

I agree with #10

By Nexxion | 0

#560150 - Sunday 13 September 2009 10:04

How is this an FML? Your wife is awesome. I bet you'd complain if she made you a sandwich and accidently chose sourdough instead of white... Sourdough is awesome.

By gev | 0

#560162 - Sunday 13 September 2009 10:08

what, this sort of thing is a problem?

By axs333 | 0

#560214 - Sunday 13 September 2009 10:44

egh, I'm sure based on context it was bad sex. but personally I think it's hot trying to carry on a conversation while having sex. it's funny and bizzare and really worth it if they break their composure!