Today, I have found the Holy Grail of fast food ordering. You will never be disappointed: when they say, “May I take your order?” Say, “Yes surprise me, and please charge me for something that will never make it to the bag.” Your order will always be perfect. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I went through a fast-food drive-thru and gave my order in a perfect British accent for fun. When I got to the window, the cashier handed me my food and said, "I love your accent!" Caught off guard, I replied, "Oh, thanks a lot!" in my normal New Jersey accent. The confusion on her face was priceless. FML
Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML
Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML
Today, we live in a society where an Uber Eats order arrives a lot faster than the authorities. To make things worse, the Uber Eats order arrives screwed up as well. FML
Today, all I wanted after a bad week was a takeaway. We had a few houseguests, plus my wife and kids, so the order was on the large side. When it came, the order was perfect, except mine. The only things they forgot were my starter, my main, my side order, and my dessert. Everything else was perfect. FML
Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML
Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML
Today, a drive-thru customer ordered a deal that includes fries and a drink with the sandwich. When I gave it to her, she screamed at me because she "didn't order fries." When I brought up that the deal includes them, she told me I should have "figured it out," called me a "fugly fat slob," and sped off. FML
Today, I finally got to sit down for dinner after a long day. In a truck stop restaurant, which specializes in "We don’t have that" or "Serve yourself, despite this being a sit down restaurant." The good news is that they charge more than fast food for less service. FML
Today, I ordered lunch from DoorDash. I was surprised by how good the dish was, and went back on to rate the dish, and sent it. Without realizing, my phone autocorrected my review to “it looks the way hell tastes”. I don’t even know what I tried to say. I hope they don’t spit in my food next time. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Lowering your standards is the key to finding happiness is many areas of life.
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Comments (2)
Anderling 33
It’s called doublechecking before leaving the parking lot or calling back if you already returned home. Failing that, “not being passive-aggressive to strangers online with no power to do anything” is also a good option
RichardPencil 32
Lowering your standards is the key to finding happiness is many areas of life.