Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod...

By crappygirlfriend - 10/01/2010 07:59 - United States

Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 900

You deserved it 28 513

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Another great day to be alive

Fill her up

Barfed out

By superbubbles - 23/03/2021 21:30 - Canada

Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 23:09

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 836

You deserved it 37 445

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 12:12 - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 297

You deserved it 5 898

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 11:49 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 176

You deserved it 3 516

By ineedayob - 18/05/2013 20:36 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 842

You deserved it 3 748

By iheartnjdevils - 12/01/2011 19:42 - United States

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 528

You deserved it 7 901

By Desperate_measures - 16/01/2010 12:22 - Greece

Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friends house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said "who's this? stop texting me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 031

You deserved it 14 691

By loser - 01/03/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 772

You deserved it 32 610

Cool

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 18:00

Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 367

By anonymoose - 30/05/2013 00:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 198

You deserved it 3 355

By Andrew - 28/08/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 275

You deserved it 8 586

By :,< - 17/09/2012 17:16 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 364

You deserved it 2 582

By 88_OP - 25/07/2011 02:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 388

You deserved it 3 942

By anonymous - 13/03/2016 19:53 - United States - Marysville

Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 895

You deserved it 2 392

By sm702 - 12/07/2011 16:45 - United States

Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 432

You deserved it 52 241

Smells like victory

By Tcake - 19/05/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 142

You deserved it 7 827

By Tom - 06/06/2017 11:00 - United States - Antelope

Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 437

You deserved it 433

By Anonymous - 02/05/2016 21:42 - United States - Danville

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 760

You deserved it 924

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 02:00

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 395

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By Anonymous - 07/07/2020 23:02

Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 765

By skyinthesky - 11/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I bought a desk for my new apartment. After ignoring the warnings on the box saying it should not be carried alone, I made it all the way to my apartment with the desk. I walked in the door and dropped it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 858

You deserved it 6 192

By stupiddrunk - 01/03/2011 01:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 999

You deserved it 39 235

The death of romance

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 09:57 - Argentina - Burzaco

Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 177

By jackass - 13/04/2009 10:46 - United States

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 832

You deserved it 82 517

By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 461

You deserved it 4 481

By Anonymous - 23/11/2016 16:58

Today, I bumped into my English teacher at an AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 438

You deserved it 1 008

By coveholli - 15/11/2014 14:43 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 171

You deserved it 3 172

How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 160

Mistaken identity

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 22:01

Today, I got home to some mad woman in my yard screaming about pregnancy and rape, and I almost had a heart attack thinking my son was being accused of some terrible crime. Turns out she was accusing my 15-year-old tomcat of impregnating her prize winning white fluff-ball of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 80

By Unemployed - 03/10/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I checked my email for the hundredth time, hoping to hear back from a potential employer about a job I really want. No response. Why? My email with resume attached has been sitting in my Outbox for the past week. I never actually sent it out in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 888

You deserved it 39 069

By unnamed - 26/07/2011 03:19 - United States

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 490

You deserved it 39 128

By layout - 05/06/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 810

You deserved it 4 049

By Balls - 27/05/2017 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 379

You deserved it 513

By flattened - 10/02/2011 10:58

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 584

You deserved it 8 488

Wild thing

By ChrisBak - 24/11/2021 14:02

Today, my wife keyed my car and spilled wine on the seats because she saw I commented on a female friend’s picture on Facebook. I told her how repairs are gonna be expensive, and she responded, “You should have thought about that before complimenting other bitches on Facebook!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 290

By meowcat101 - 21/08/2010 04:05 - Canada

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 226

You deserved it 3 226

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 06:13 - Australia

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 160

You deserved it 37 174

By kayt240 - 04/05/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 236

You deserved it 8 069

By anonymous - 20/08/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 854

You deserved it 9 921

Great expectations

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 346

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Ishki 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:21

What the hell is an Archos

lame9379 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:08

why did you have to show him? you just shake it!!

Camy123_fml 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:05

Omgg :P That suckss :P

flakes_fml 0

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Wednesday 31 March 2010 4:07

YDI for dating a guy with a face

turtles1321 0

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Friday 13 August 2010 5:56

ydi for living. Ydi for having a boyfriend. Ydi for having an ipod. Ydi for reading this list Ydi for still reading this list .......ydi for being naked in the shower while playing twister with your friend and singing to justin beiber. and finally interesting

silvac13 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 3:58

WTF #84!?!?! Do you have a life mate?

bugmenotmofo 34

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Thursday 1 December 2011 14:46

Butterfingers. :P

maddy23a 5

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:06

Omg. D:

Igor_g5 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:06

YDI. You can't hold an iPod tight enough to keep it in your hand? How hard were you shaking that thing anyway?

Camy123_fml 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:07

i was 1stt :P

iKaite 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 17:46

LulWUT. Take a big sip of that fail girl, sip it goooood.

lame9379 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:08

why did you have to show him? you just shake it!!

lifeinhd 3

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:13

YDI for having a stupid boyfriend. Who doesn't know how to shake an iPod? Also, YDI for having an iPod. You should have bought an Archos.

fuzzypurple 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:18

Lol, number 6-agreed!

madeleine83_fml 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:20

hahaha, ouch. don't shake so hard/hold on to the ipod tighter

Ishki 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 16:21

What the hell is an Archos

lifeinhd 3

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Sunday 10 January 2010 18:08

See, that's the problem. No one bothers to check if there's a better device than an iPod out there, they just buy an iPod because they know the name. With my Archos, I have Wifi, a 4" screen, DVR capability, a 30GB hard drive, and an internal speaker, for $300. And I bought this a year before the first iPod touch came out. Apple's always been behind the curve, at least in MP3 players. http://www.archos.com

arsenalfcboy 6

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Sunday 10 January 2010 23:01

iPod touches cost $199, and you get all of those features.

RuralNinja 0

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Monday 11 January 2010 1:15

No you don't, if anything, you just reinforced his point. You didn't bother to look at anything, you just mindlessly chimed in to your beloved ipod's defense, and failed miserably. The ipod is $199 for 8 gigs, so where do the other 22 gigs come from? The higher priced ones have more storage, but come at the $299 price, making your argument null either way. Also, the ipod has a 3.something inch screen, not 4. The ipod doesn't do DVR either, and brought all its other supposedly "new" features to the table AFTER the archos did.

winterharte 0

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 11:54

Or you could be even more of an apple fanboy and buy the iPad: aka the most retarded idea that's going to sell millions of units at $300 a piece ever. God I hate Apple

brantzilch 0

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Saturday 13 February 2010 20:22

nice pic haha

LOL_UrLifeSucks 0

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Tuesday 30 March 2010 19:30

no the iPod is 199 for 32 Gs.

entwinedrose 9

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 3:56

Ooh, ooh, look, someone mentioned an iPod! Now I must browse and comment on everything that mentions an apple product or it's competitors and hate on everyone who uses one of the biggest companies in the world. No really, shut up.