Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son figured out that if he takes his pull-up off and DOESN'T go on the potty, he can pee all over things. FML
Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sammichbitch 0
that's actually ******* hilarious
SoNotForYou 5
if he's young enough to wear a diaper you should know what he's doing at all times
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (131)
CallMeHush 1
Grandma did that just before we put her in the home. (joking)
lmaoatyourlife 0
I'm just wondering how your child managed to do all of that without you knowing, sounds like he moved all around the house. Children in nappies are usually under 2, or at least 3, so where was you?! It's not really an FML if you had of been watching your child then it wouldn't of been so bad.
guiltydwight 0
probably learned by example
sidvoltaire 0
according to cracked.com the bastard probably did it intentionally.
randohsix 0
probably made this up for FML honestly. but damn everybody here must have a degree in parenting, jeez kids do funny stuff all the time give the man a break
intensitive 11
How is that even true? Bush made it to adulthood.
solothadon 0
lol kids
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Actually, a dog that does that has anal gland problems, not worms, but...... Anyways, tell your son not to do that anymore. I'm sure it's not a problem if he acts like that at a young age. I mean, just look at how well Bush turned out. Wait---
vanaathiel 13
haha you beat me too it, I was going to correct the worm thing as well.
palmtrees 1
Actually, with certain worm infestations, dogs will exhibit that behavior as well... particularly with ancylostoma (hookworm) species.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
In today's lesson we learn that carpet and toddlers don't mix...
theeBeezWaXx 0
that sucks ass. i guess itss time to potty train him, dont you think.?