Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Today, my 19 year-old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Top Chef
Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML
Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
Louis Pasteur wept
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML
Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML
Top comments
alex_the_tiger 14
Well celery use more calories chewing it than calories gained by consuming it
fakedsincerity 32
I'm surprised so many people still believe a lot of the diet/health "tips" that so called experts spout to get people to listen to them. Doing a little research before trying any sort of diet goes on a long way into staying healthy and safe.
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Comments (71)
Mynamewontfi 40
First time I hear about "negative calories" and that celery myth mentioned in comments. It's silly that people actually believe that. Anyway, it annoys me that so many people, who know next to nothing about it, try to tell others what food they should or shouldn't eat. Leave that to doctors, please.
Mathalamus 25
actually, leave that to the specially trained nutritionists. and only the smarter ones.
cupcakebruh 21
I think you mean dietitian.. actually a registered dietitian to be exact.. just about anyone who reads up on nutrition information can call themselves a nutritionist. A nutritionist goes to school for at most a year, if at all. A registered dietitian goes to school for anywhere from 2-8 years (depending on what you want to do with it) -This is coming from someone who is actually studying to become a registered dietitian.
shadowl 11
At least she's calling herself a nutritionist, which is an unprotected term. If she would say dietician it would be illegal.
gordjess1 19
Nothing has negative calories unless your exercising and burning it off whilst eating it which doesn't even make sense lol. It's all about the calories you burn. The only thing that doesn't have calories is water... Well you could go one further and say ice but yeah....
Xamry14 10
Coffee. Black coffee has no calories.
nexus94 14
Actually, black coffee contains about 7 calories.
LyricaSilvan 30
Eh. Let her make a fool of herself. She might actually learn something if she gets humiliated enough times. FYL for having to put up with her, though.
thatsme293 28
If negative calories were possible we would have less obesity. And more deaths from not consuming calories. I hope your sister sees this fml.
swordyx 5
I've tried every myth and whatnot and lost 52kg in 8 months. It's silly to even debate on whether celery gives you negative calories cuz it does not really matter. If it has negative calories then are you going to survive just on it? Unlikely. No such thing as superfood or what, just different food for different objective. This includes "junk food" like ice cream. Eating one spoon of ice cream may actually make me feel better and not mass eat other "superfood". My point is, stop putting labels on food. Those "viral articles" on food might not actually be wrong. No such thing as bad calories. Just calories, how fast or slow it is digested and used. No super nutrients, just nutrients. They have names, use them. Go educate yourself and KNOW what you are reading, and what you are putting in your body.
kewpiesuicide 29
Technically, being a nutritionist requires zero credentials. If she were claiming to be a dietitian it would be another thing
chachisj 3
there are zero calorie things though
Arot6 17
While negative calories aren't a thing, there are some foods with so few calories that the energy used by simply existing would burn off most of the calories you'd gain from eating them, so they can be practically calorie-less. These foods include stuff like celery, cabbage, and lettuce (fun fact: competitive eaters actually gorge on boiled cabbage so they can expand their stomachs with minimal impact on health due to the low ratio of calories:mass). Of course, these foods don't satisfy all your nutritional needs, but you shouldn't be avoiding calories for the sake of avoiding them, since you need calories to fuel your body. Most people need a good 1.5k-2k calories a day (more if they exercise daily. A friend of mine actually had to eat more than he used to when he was trying to lose weight due to the amount of energy his body needed to fuel his exercise. He seriously lost 50 pounds over 2 months while actually increasing his diet).
Arot6 17
That's not even to mention crazy stuff like professional athletes. It's not uncommon for ('Murican) football players to eat 5-7k calories a day since they basically spend their lives either in the gym or on the field.
AdamTodddBrown 11
Yeah there are totally foods that burn more calories in digestion than they contain.