Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
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Top comments
Rosebudx 32
Hold a bucket or trash can while sitting on the pot. And what the hell were they baking that had this effect?!
Cads1 24
At least vomiting works the abs. Think of it as a failed way to exercise.
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Comments (63)
iwanttogotoparis 26
Maybe you should do the cooking from now on
arrowgold 19
Were you the only one to try this? Or is everyone in the house this sick?
NeatNit 33
cancer, aids and smallpox
peacheso 31
I wonder if it had the same effect on them.
LegionRapier61 8
Just lay in the tub with the shower running... oh and make sure that your ass is pointing towards the drain.
KingLewisII 34
yeah because sitting in a tub full of shit and vomit would make things so much better
who_even_cares02 10
I wouldn't eat their food anymore.
pixierara 28
It kinda makes me sad to see people older than me who have no idea how to actually make food. But I'm sorry about your situation
Soloman212 28
To be fair, 14 years is much older for a cat than for a human. Cooking is nonetheless an impressive trick for a cat. When I was 14 all I ever did was sling my feces at passerbys.
JustinJK 21
Not everyone is taught to cook. Some people are just not good at it.
FamilyAngel 4
They should be capable to follow instructions at 14. Cookbooks?
domolovesyoshi 33
Not if they're bad at math
worldclassrager 41
Did they bake with a laxative and epigac?
olpally 33
Sounds like an episode of family guy. Lol xD What the hell did they put in there?
Kevinmeowbeanz 22
Now that's what I call a sticky situation