Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML
Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, dealing with anxiety and depression, I finally got up the energy to bake. I chose homemade enchiladas. I then spent the whole day walking from the toilet to the nearest couch (and vice versa), feeling like my intestines were going to blow. No more enchiladas for me for a long time. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
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Top comments
Rosebudx 32
Hold a bucket or trash can while sitting on the pot. And what the hell were they baking that had this effect?!
Cads1 24
At least vomiting works the abs. Think of it as a failed way to exercise.
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Comments (63)
sandycheeks99 5
YDI for trusting your dumbass roommates.
I'madumbass 19
Not all dumbasses are like that. I am actually a very decent person and would never cook because I already know that I am terrible at it...
acky2lum 7
Yeah...But u have the energy to toe this fml
CuteKoalaGirl 18
This is the point where you sit on the toilet, and hold a bucket for the throwing up. That's really the best way to handle being sick in such a way.
corky1992 33
if you're THAT suck I'd suggest going to a doctor asap..but may be hard to do if you can't go long without needing the toilet.
Ipsum629 13
here I'd a tip: get a garbage bag for the vomit and that way you don't need to switch sides.
TacoMortis 15
I think you shouldn't let your roommates cook.. ever again. Sorry about your struggle OP!
hayyyra94 10
Oh wow. Sorry OP, I hope you feel better. Is your roommate as sick as you are?
ImagineCrazy 27
What's with the dingle bats who don't know to hold a bucket while taking a dump?
DarDarHamilton 7
use a giant bowl for the vomit and sit on the toilet. so you can take care of both end without have to switch
frenchyB 14
I'm thinking they must have put something in that on purpose...