Kids: Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little... - FML

16/03/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 7 624

Good kid

This Charming Man

Broken heart

16/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 772

You deserved it 5 268

01/01/2017 15:54 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 387

You deserved it 153

The Good Grandson

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 21:10

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 184

03/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 1 810

01/01/2015 05:50 - United States

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 665

You deserved it 3 981

Flip-flopping

By Brandenn J Moore - 11/07/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been living with for the last month, told me she's not attracted to me and wants to see other people. She told me this after months of dating and telling me she was thinking about having a child with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 75

Stuck in TV Hell

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 23:00

Today, I'm self isolating with a mother who hogs the remote but doesn't know how to use it, and is so short-sighted she can barely see the TV. Every five minutes, I hear, "What have I done now?", "How have I got onto this then?" and she won't let me help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 176

08/06/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 619

You deserved it 2 388

14/08/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 302

You deserved it 3 035

17/01/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 735

You deserved it 39 225

17/09/2017 16:00

Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 656

You deserved it 260

17/03/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 3 525

25/01/2017 04:00

Today, my roommates gathered together to tell me that they all took turns spitting in my drinks in the fridge, all because I told on them for smoking pot in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 191

You deserved it 3 281

29/08/2013 07:07 - United States - Pueblo

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 015

You deserved it 8 970

17/07/2011 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 850

You deserved it 4 485

23/10/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, my son's teacher told me that I should take my son to the doctor, because he has been complaining of bad headaches. They ran some tests, and then removed a peanut that's apparently been lodged in his nose for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 003

You deserved it 5 200

Dr Who

By llamaborn - 05/04/2021 14:00

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 654

20/05/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 946

You deserved it 454

Fight yoga, try stress

By Dawn - 12/08/2021 08:01

Today, I went to a yoga class, thinking it would be good for my stiff calf from running. I pulled my back out doing the downward dog. Now can't get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 122

10/09/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 643

You deserved it 16 197

26/09/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 668

You deserved it 3 663

16/04/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 006

You deserved it 2 066

24/11/2016 00:23 - United States

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 324

You deserved it 1 999

Skyped out

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had one minute to go before a team meeting from my work, a blackout occurred in my block. The outage lasted an hour. The meeting was about 40 minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 55

14/10/2015 05:40 - United States - Thayne

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 1 866

11/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 598

You deserved it 18 273

08/07/2013 23:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 234

You deserved it 2 832

16/09/2010 23:27 - France

Today, I decided to dye my hair to freshen up my appearance. I asked my husband for his opinion, expecting him to recommend a color. He then asked me why going on a diet wasn't my first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 845

You deserved it 11 444

03/04/2010 00:31 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 490

You deserved it 10 430

01/02/2012 03:34 - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 443

You deserved it 4 186

27/07/2016 04:09

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 713

You deserved it 1 292

31/07/2011 09:05 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother performing voodoo on a doll with my picture taped to its face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 109

You deserved it 4 897

03/07/2016 18:05 - Germany - L?wenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 304

You deserved it 1 924

01/09/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 272

You deserved it 40 876

18/01/2014 03:48 - United States

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 027

You deserved it 5 508

04/07/2014 19:04 - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 844

You deserved it 3 418

23/04/2018 16:00

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 989

You deserved it 216

Family Matters

By MeLandes - 28/06/2021 14:01 - United States - Germantown

Today, I found out I will always come in second to my new husband's alcoholic parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 106

21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 479

You deserved it 5 542

29/12/2009 18:52 - Canada

Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 504

You deserved it 6 860

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:47

Wow, that's a bit odd. How old is your little sister, OP?

whostolemylama 12

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:50

Actually, there's very little information here, OP could be a complete bitch, I mean, usually in FML's, OP would specify that she/he is divorcing because his/her spouse cheated, abused, etc. But it simply says that she's divorcing him. I'm leaning towards the idea that OP could be a bitch if her sister is leaning towards him than her. But that's my idea.

Comments

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:46

I don't get along with my sisters either.

Old unused 13

Sunday 17 March 2013 4:30

@#2 That doesn't help OP in any way.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:47

Wow, that's a bit odd. How old is your little sister, OP?

beachchick9498 5

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Saturday 16 March 2013 20:49

That's what I'm wondering! Bc if she's like 3 that's not too bad, but if she's around OP's age then she's not the nicest person

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Sunday 17 March 2013 6:42

Or OP could just be a complete bitch.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:48

Siblings: a blessing and an evil entity all packed into one body.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:49

I visit my ex uncle more than my blood aunt haha funny how things work out.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 20:15

Same. Even though is the other way around, my family still loves my "ex-"aunt and actually invite her to more family parties than my uncle.

JessalynVictoria 6

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:49

You don't just give away a husband like a dog or some other animal lol. Maybe they are divorcing because he is like a dog and sticks his pecker in any bitch in heat though.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:57

Where on the FML does it suggest OP's ex husband is a complete dog? We don't know why OP is divorcing her spouse. You can't be making such extreme guesses.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 20:22

You don't give away dogs either, for that matter.

JessalynVictoria 6

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Saturday 16 March 2013 20:23

Exactly. It doesn't say why... Part of the fun of FML is trying to guess some of the situations behind them. That is one of the many possibilities. Or she could be a bitch. Or maybe they both came to the decision mutually thinking that would be best. Who knows? But it's interesting to think about lol.

Shrike 23

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Saturday 16 March 2013 21:09

Yeah!!! I forgot how fun slander can be. Thanks JessalynVictoria for reminding me. I'll just assume the very worst about all the OPs from now on for no real reason whatsoever.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 23:43

I don't know about you, but I would not give up my dog.

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Sunday 17 March 2013 8:56

JessalynVictoria, you missed the point & made the same mistake. To save yourself from down votes & arguments with the FML community, stick to the info in front of you. Don't go around assuming everyone is an ass or you will attract asses. Internet & real life.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:50

Don't feel too bad, siblings can say the meanest things even though they love you.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 20:00

Family: You love them even when you really hate them

whostolemylama 12

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:50

Actually, there's very little information here, OP could be a complete bitch, I mean, usually in FML's, OP would specify that she/he is divorcing because his/her spouse cheated, abused, etc. But it simply says that she's divorcing him. I'm leaning towards the idea that OP could be a bitch if her sister is leaning towards him than her. But that's my idea.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:50

I'm sorry. I've read some fucked up family stories before, but your own sister! That just takes the cake.

theawkwardlife 21

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Sunday 17 March 2013 0:24

You're right! It makes all of those domestic violence and abuse stories sound like nothing.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:50

Kids always have favorites. Maybe she finds him funny!

Mads_1234 28

Sunday 17 March 2013 2:10

Well how old IS OP's sister? If she's a child then yeah she might not realize what exactly is going on but if she's an adult... Sorry OP, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.

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Sunday 17 March 2013 9:37

-boing boing boing- Goes the thread hopper.

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Saturday 16 March 2013 19:52

Doesn't matter what OP is like. You NEVER say THAT about your relative.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 5

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 62

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 149