Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
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Top comments
BrEnNo1023 5
self-obsessed, dysfunctional, heartless people. **** her (not literally) kick her out or some shit. don't sit there and take that. DONT.
curryndricegirll 0
sounds like she wasn't "overzealous", sounds like she was just drunk...and if it makes you feel any better, they probably broke the condom and your roommate will probably either be pregnant or have herpes within a month
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Comments (125)
SimpleSimon 0
How fat is she?? I mean, it's difficult enough to crack a person's ribs if you're TRYING!
jjenniferr05 0
Probably put her knee right on her hip, when climbing onto bed. Easy enough to do really, given she was lying down.
xHaniffax 0
If it was "loud" then I'm sure you heard it so then there's no need to say: "which I heard"
marlux 0
wow you were paralyzed and getting turned o wat a shame
Nate25 0
oh, it was loud... OH WAIT, YOU HEARD IT? OH DEAR... I thought it was loud, but you didn't hear it...
lilkamarciano 0
shut up...... don't be annoying
jjenniferr05 0
YDI for rooming with an ignorant bitch.
bowhuntpa 0
WHATS YOUR ROOM MATES NUMBER
8IGHTY8 0
buy a baseball bat ......... u know what u have to do!!!
screwtaylor 0
You could have masturbated to their sex since there was nothing else to do. But how can she crack two of your ribs by just jumping on your bed? She didn't jump on you. If this is true.. sux2bu, OP.
plexico 4
She could have yelled "Are you going to fake it again like with all the other guys?" That would get you some peace and quiet for your convalescence.
Tupperware_fml 0
Kill her.
Ilovelife07 0
fail