Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BrEnNo1023 5
self-obsessed, dysfunctional, heartless people. **** her (not literally) kick her out or some shit. don't sit there and take that. DONT.
curryndricegirll 0
sounds like she wasn't "overzealous", sounds like she was just drunk...and if it makes you feel any better, they probably broke the condom and your roommate will probably either be pregnant or have herpes within a month
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (125)
KillU2009 0
i want to meet your roommate.
BLiNdZoRz 3
Wtf, jumped into your bed to borrow the condom? Or jump into the bed to have sex while you were still lying on the bed?
SimpleSimon 0
That would be EPIC. The OP lying there moaning in pain while the roommate has sex right there next to her on the same bed. 'OH MY GOD, I'm CUMMINNG!!!' 'Help.... me... '
LeoBrZ81 0
lol!
rosemary_fml 5
i agree. kill her.
hazelwolfeyes 0
i broke 2 ribs n was able to move...o.o... its alittle hard to breath now that hurts like a bitch... but thats when you force yourself over...get the phone, call the cops, n say your room-mate just attacked you while in bed and you can no longer move... when the cops get there...she attacked you n stole from you... :D that solves that problem...
plexico 4
You should have called her parents and let them hear what you heard. . . when you heard it. They'd think their daughter accidentally dialed them and. . . what?. . .huh?. . . what's she doing?
kukopia 0
So many of these replies are so lame. The OP is a woman. She knows how to get back at the roommate. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! The roommate just got a dose of bad karma... accidents 'happen'...
rxxk 0
Lol, I love how you said to *borrow* one of yours.
kezzstar 0
I love the cops suggestion, because it's true, she has assaulted you and stolen from you. FYL.
souldrifter 0
What the hell is wrong with people? Your roommate is brainless, clueless, and probably loose and easy. Too concerned with getting porked over physically hurting someone. FYL for sure. Get a new roommate.
MiniatureMayhem 0
How do you borrow a condom?? Does she give it back to you after her boyfriend uses it?