Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
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Top comments
BrEnNo1023 5
self-obsessed, dysfunctional, heartless people. **** her (not literally) kick her out or some shit. don't sit there and take that. DONT.
curryndricegirll 0
sounds like she wasn't "overzealous", sounds like she was just drunk...and if it makes you feel any better, they probably broke the condom and your roommate will probably either be pregnant or have herpes within a month
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Comments (125)
Charlesdenfreude 0
if jumping on you cracked two of your ribs, looks like HIS life is ******
liquidbunny 0
I hope the condom broke like your ribs did.
sixtrey 0
YDI for using condoms lol
Apone 0
Awesome.
jellyfish_ftw 0
pee in her orange juice. then tell her that she grabbed one of the condoms that you were planning to throw out because they were old and easy to break.
22jrdn55 15
lmao... how do even think of that?
XxmidnightXx4545 0
lol #67 XD get a baseball bat and "play" with her you know what i mean righT? BEAT HER UP WITH THE DAMN BAT :D
Rcmpwarrior 0
Aha only in Nova Scotia :)
DarkxRaven 0
What a bitch!
Jessticle85 0
u should have hobbled yourself into her room while they were having sex and kicked her naked ass
bimmer09 0
you deserve it for being in her way