Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad...

By Anonymous - 2/12/2009 23:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43362

You deserved it

4986

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Family values

Headache

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By pinkfreak94 - 13/10/2012 13:38 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25667

You deserved it

2695

Favorite

By fd_uplife - 5/7/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72282

You deserved it

4221

Favorite

By shark - 27/11/2012 03:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12607

You deserved it

31722

Favorite

By ohdang - 12/8/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, whilst babysitting, I broke a glass. I explained to the kid that it was very important not to walk barefoot around where it had happened, because of the tiny bits of glass. He jumped back, scared, and while doing so tripped. I rushed to help him and ran through the broken glass. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43236

You deserved it

12818

Favorite

By helenablitz - 28/8/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52855

You deserved it

5045

Favorite

By Lifeless - 15/8/2010 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14584

You deserved it

33544

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/2/2016 17:43 - Austria

Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20765

You deserved it

1771

Favorite

By Colin - 24/12/2008 05:56 - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25267

You deserved it

2995

Favorite

By NYCproblems - 24/6/2013 14:06 - United States - New York

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48943

You deserved it

4860

Favorite

By umm - 8/12/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

I agree, your life sucks

27598

You deserved it

3310

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/8/2015 19:54 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30782

You deserved it

3508

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/5/2015 14:23 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28331

You deserved it

4749

Favorite

By malebonding - 17/8/2009 13:50 - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67171

You deserved it

14852

Favorite

By Andrew - 24/11/2011 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14666

You deserved it

54206

Favorite

By sllaggy - 18/4/2011 09:34

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered "slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43310

You deserved it

22035

Favorite

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27655

You deserved it

1946

Favorite

By killingmyselfimmediately - 7/1/2019 20:00

Today, I had the flu and couldn't go to school. My dad called in and told them that I couldn't be there because I have an itchy anus. Not only that, but my birthday's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2463

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By bjfail - 9/1/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22339

You deserved it

4845

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34615

You deserved it

5821

Favorite

By talhabilal - 11/3/2010 14:28 - Pakistan

Today, I found out that my entire family thinks I have no friends, am expressionless (to quote, "a robot") and that my monotonous voice hints at the suppressed depression hidden deep inside me. According to them, I need psychic evaluation. It all came out at a family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25677

You deserved it

3423

Favorite

By Punk - 7/6/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44275

You deserved it

11789

Favorite

By thesporkhop - 25/1/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22985

You deserved it

4055

Favorite

By lamsolonely - 12/5/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63112

You deserved it

7532

Favorite

By duhasiangirl - 15/11/2012 00:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22224

You deserved it

2727

Favorite

By porkfriedlife - 28/7/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35773

You deserved it

25651

Favorite

By unwed - 11/12/2010 06:56 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64345

You deserved it

4379

Favorite

By concernedson - 12/9/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25468

You deserved it

4900

Favorite

By judge not, ye cunt - 21/12/2012 23:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28035

You deserved it

2990

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/8/2015 09:32 - Canada - Prince George

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36461

You deserved it

4977

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/9/2013 19:08 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42817

You deserved it

4364

Favorite

By jshum - 13/9/2016 15:02 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13114

You deserved it

1916

Favorite

By BikerGuy - 24/2/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21717

You deserved it

2166

Favorite

By Genuine D - 13/5/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5391

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By Hotmama - 30/1/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life. Now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

6818

You deserved it

588

Favorite

By brother love - 13/8/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38616

You deserved it

3909

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 07:08 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Broken equipment

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument about wanting kids, as I want to have kids but she doesn’t. I explained the situation to my sister. She just kicked me in the nuts and said, “There, problem solved.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1410

You deserved it

390

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/5/2014 22:49 - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58166

You deserved it

5399

Favorite

By blind - 24/6/2009 12:11 - South Africa

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24342

You deserved it

46582

Favorite

By sy123 - 29/7/2012 23:34 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35321

You deserved it

1847

Favorite

By nazooer - 22/3/2012 01:50 - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23290

You deserved it

3803

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ugh_a_lug | 7

#701214 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:49

welcome to the acting world. ;D enjoy

By gigi2009 | 0

#701222 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:51

at least you know how to grab some ass :)

COMMENTS

By ugh_a_lug | 7

#701211 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:48

Fuckin' 'ell, that's gotta 'ert, guv!

Youser | 0

#1040811 - Thursday 24 June 2010 5:41

GF Op

Evilpirate | 10

#5784508 - Monday 9 December 2013 1:59

By ugh_a_lug | 7

#701214 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:49

welcome to the acting world. ;D enjoy

PumpkinTarte | 0

#701585 - Thursday 3 December 2009 6:24

Acting part? You're supposed to act while slapping too, aren't you? Thus they generate fake slaps by clapping?

The_Pleb | 0

#701939 - Thursday 3 December 2009 14:07

Sooooo..... was she hot?

Maybe she can make it up to you after

supernoob | 0

#704808 - Friday 4 December 2009 22:00

some directors dont like the fake-slaps because it looks so fake and the timing can be off. Real slaps is how do it!

dotsdesu | 0

#707477 - Sunday 6 December 2009 20:21

if you're a masochist, this works out all fine.

writergirl69 | 0

#1486629 - Saturday 2 October 2010 18:10

don't actors not actually hit each other?

CalebEatsZombies | 2

#3728311 - Wednesday 14 December 2011 3:41

So its an act, and it's not for real, so she wants to slap you 14 times damn

By lifeinhd | 3

#701215 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:49

So you did your part perfectly the first time, she did not. What's the problem?

Ascaryrobot | 0

#701281 - Thursday 3 December 2009 3:19

I think the problem is the OP being slapped about for the duration.

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#701298 - Thursday 3 December 2009 3:25

and not getting enough ass-grabbing in the process

lifeinhd | 3

#701445 - Thursday 3 December 2009 4:36

All I'm saying is the OP is looking at this the wrong way.

k1w1 | 0

#931080 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:04

then would you like to be slapped 14 times being rewarded with only 1 ass grab?

By Seti_fml | 0

#701220 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:50

That's just part of acting lol

By carolthebitch | 0

#701221 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:50

omg..thats really funny..lol

By gigi2009 | 0

#701222 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:51

at least you know how to grab some ass :)

chellinha93 | 0

#701795 - Thursday 3 December 2009 10:40

Yea at least we know you are a real man... lol

By I_am_stupid_also | 6

#701230 - Thursday 3 December 2009 2:53

Maybe you shouldn't have had such a goofy look on your face for the first 13 takes.

And you probably have had more practice grabbing asses that she did slapping faces.