Miscellaneous: Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 23:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 411

You deserved it 4 994

Hiding from the drama

Good kid

Time for the dentist

By sadface - 03/02/2010 11:58 - France

Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 976

You deserved it 9 069

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 105

You deserved it 49 487

By shadysheikh - 29/10/2014 04:55 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 651

You deserved it 9 086

Booty non-call

By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Spicy

Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 216

By rammedbehind - 26/08/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 596

You deserved it 3 822

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 14:53 - United States - Middleton

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 819

You deserved it 3 348

Horno

By horno - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I asked my dad why the WiFi was down. He just replied, "Why? Horno can't get no more porno?" No, "Horno" has an assignment. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 381

You deserved it 2 589

By Anonymous - 31/08/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 316

You deserved it 286

By disappointed - 23/09/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 14 085

By Anon - 13/08/2009 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 259

You deserved it 2 751

By Anonymous - 24/09/2018 05:00

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 543

You deserved it 393

By Amanda - 10/03/2013 16:08 - Canada

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 065

You deserved it 6 651

By bellabreeze - 09/08/2012 03:29 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 045

You deserved it 3 338

By raynbowsend - 23/04/2009 05:22 - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 198

You deserved it 6 711

By toeloezz - 26/09/2016 18:02 - Netherlands

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 000

You deserved it 1 256

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, instead of watching a movie like a normal family, we performed random acts of kindness by handing out roses to total strangers in the freezing cold. No one would take them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 496

You deserved it 6 132

By Noname - 31/12/2008 18:03 - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 629

You deserved it 4 355

By aeris - 11/11/2018 09:30 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 588

You deserved it 408

By 50sStyle - 12/06/2017 19:00 - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 497

You deserved it 399

By gamerguru13 - 21/04/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 835

You deserved it 4 238

By ohcollege - 01/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 277

You deserved it 2 494

By Kelly - 12/08/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 234

You deserved it 3 953

Considering something?

By Alice - 16/08/2021 18:01

Today, as a single and ready to mingle mother, I was glad to be on a second date. All was going well, we started making out when he pulled away and said, "It's crazy that Casey Anthony got away with what she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 74

Nice choice

By walken away - 25/06/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today I had the dirtiest, kinkiest, most vividly realistic sex dream of my life. I was getting it on with Christopher Walken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 321

By doomed - 09/06/2009 01:28 - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 554

You deserved it 6 252

Cool new nickname

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I shat myself at work. To get home, I have to take two buses with a 20-minute wait in-between. So yes everyone, I'll be 'Shit Girl' for the next two hours, and probably behind my back at work for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 135

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Spicy

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 247

You deserved it 5 015

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 22:35 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 235

You deserved it 3 513

By Murphs_Law - 16/11/2016 06:37 - United States

Today, my crazy downstairs neighbor was yet again fighting with her boyfriend by slamming every door. When this didn't work, she went downstairs to fight with his grill. She wheeled it to the end of the driveway and pushed it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 088

You deserved it 791

By KayEffEh - 17/09/2014 21:22 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 166

You deserved it 3 434

By SJDAOisdjlkSADlksda - 02/07/2016 02:37 - United States

Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 776

You deserved it 975

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Southampton

Today, I lost keys to my car, studio, house, and a storage unit in a busy city park with no chance of recovering them after searching for hours. I have to cancel work and my car is going to be towed because of street sweeping. O, woe is me! Send a prayer and Love and perhaps my keys by carrier pigeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 200

Repair this

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 06:01

Today, at my appliance job, we received a used dryer that needed to be fixed. I took it in the back room to test it. I plugged it in and turned it on. It started to smell so bad that I went to shut it down, but before I did I see two used condoms fly out of the back vent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 45

By plasticfantastic - 25/04/2009 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 640

You deserved it 9 600

By eakthegeek - 10/01/2012 09:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 303

You deserved it 6 873

By SocialAnxietyNightmare - 09/02/2012 16:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 615

You deserved it 17 168

By weeping_angel_ - 12/07/2014 14:00 - United States - Cortland

Spicy

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 899

You deserved it 13 887

By computerguy - 22/01/2011 01:15 - Canada

Today, I took the motherboard out of my computer so I could put more RAM and a new video card in. While I was in the bathroom my mom threw it all out because it 'looked like garbage'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 4 221

By dontask - 22/12/2018 18:00

Today I was stalking my Bumble match’s Instagram feed before I said hello. I went to tap for sound on a video of him getting his backside tattooed but accidentally double tapped and liked the video. Sound turned on and I realized I liked a video of him farting. Couldn’t say hello after that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 1 726

Free healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 02:00

Today, I learned that my MS medication is going to cost 25k a month. My insurance won't cover a cent. I don't even make that much in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 54

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:49

welcome to the acting world. ;D enjoy

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:51

at least you know how to grab some ass :)

Comments

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:48

Fuckin' 'ell, that's gotta 'ert, guv!

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Thursday 24 June 2010 5:41

GF Op

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Monday 9 December 2013 1:59

:o

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:49

welcome to the acting world. ;D enjoy

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Thursday 3 December 2009 6:24

Acting part? You're supposed to act while slapping too, aren't you? Thus they generate fake slaps by clapping?

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Thursday 3 December 2009 14:07

Sooooo..... was she hot? Maybe she can make it up to you after

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Friday 4 December 2009 22:00

some directors dont like the fake-slaps because it looks so fake and the timing can be off. Real slaps is how do it!

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Sunday 6 December 2009 20:21

if you're a masochist, this works out all fine.

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Saturday 2 October 2010 18:10

don't actors not actually hit each other?

CalebEatsZombies 2

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Wednesday 14 December 2011 3:41

So its an act, and it's not for real, so she wants to slap you 14 times damn

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:49

So you did your part perfectly the first time, she did not. What's the problem?

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Thursday 3 December 2009 3:19

I think the problem is the OP being slapped about for the duration.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Thursday 3 December 2009 3:25

and not getting enough ass-grabbing in the process

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Thursday 3 December 2009 4:36

All I'm saying is the OP is looking at this the wrong way.

k1w1 0

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:04

then would you like to be slapped 14 times being rewarded with only 1 ass grab?

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:50

That's just part of acting lol

carolthebitch 0

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:50

omg..thats really funny..lol

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:51

at least you know how to grab some ass :)

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Thursday 3 December 2009 10:40

Yea at least we know you are a real man... lol

I_am_stupid_also 6

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:53

Maybe you shouldn't have had such a goofy look on your face for the first 13 takes. And you probably have had more practice grabbing asses that she did slapping faces.

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:54

wooooohoooooo first

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:55

I think she did it on purpose because she just enjoys slapping you.

hpp15 4

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Thursday 3 December 2009 3:10

I would. If someone grabbed my ass, even for acting, I'd slap them. I'd enjoy it too.

I_am_stupid_also 6

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Thursday 3 December 2009 3:16

The ass grab or the slap? Both I expect.

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Friday 18 February 2011 8:39

OMG plank!!!

perdix 29

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Thursday 3 December 2009 2:55

For the right ass, I'd take about 50 slaps. If you're complaining about 14 slaps, it's either a saggy, fat ass or you're gay.

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Thursday 3 December 2009 8:42

I think he's complaining about the fact he only got to grab her ass once. :P

mopho 0

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Wednesday 16 December 2009 13:17

HAHA +1

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Monday 4 July 2011 16:59

the assgrab was done in one take...

Nearly

Today, I have to do a science presentation in approximately 10 minutes. I didn’t do the assignment or make a PowerPoint cause I stayed up all night trying to do my French homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 13

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 254

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 160