Miscellaneous: Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school...

By AlienZ - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

BO Central

Taking stock

By anon - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

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35128

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By badcook - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42604

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By pritch44 - United States

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40449

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By Jasmine - United States - Sacramento

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38803

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By offended - United States - East Hampton

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27444

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By Karmaisabitch - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8244

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By FailedEngineer - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14215

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46556

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By emperor - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48401

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

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23827

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By eejit - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

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11675

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By mentallyscarred - United States

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33991

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By alexarbusto - 6/5/2020 02:00

Last splash

Today, my phone fell in my cat's water bowl overnight. I'm currently writing this from my laptop. FML

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1090

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By kwill256 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14198

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3008

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By Igballoon2 - 23/4/2020 14:00

Get a load of this nerd!

Today, I was told that school was cancelled for the rest of the year. School is/was my one place of escape, and the only distraction in my life. It's now not going to be an escape until September. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1656

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250

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By youngboob - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

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40104

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3670

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By Ihatebuses

Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3770

You deserved it

310

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By Divorcee

Today, I learned that my wife had been cheating on me. What's worse? My kids found out three months before I did, and told me that they like him better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2397

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236

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By oliver - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

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22418

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By hatemyjob - United States

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

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29658

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4027

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By Anonymous - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

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49187

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By Out from Hell - United States - Woodstock

Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

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22607

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By BornInTheWrongEra - United States

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

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58115

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By Anaconda

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "just meat and cheese". When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

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5364

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

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53683

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By FlyAwayPlease - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

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24137

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

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31829

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By Anon - United States

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

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47440

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

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11576

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Pavarotti next door

Today, I had to hear my neighbor whine again through the walls because he can't talk in a quiet voice. You can hear him from across the street, and that's before he gets drunk. FML

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725

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By AwesomePGnarles - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14657

You deserved it

44388

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By pink_cupcakes - Australia

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51760

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By izzie - Canada

Bad sex

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35388

You deserved it

5043

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By SleeplessInSoCal - United States

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37920

You deserved it

3273

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By Bllllaaaaaah - United States - Juno

Wax on, wax off

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML

I agree, your life sucks

779

You deserved it

1627

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By A. - Canada

Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81138

You deserved it

4076

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By ihavenothing - United States

Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37643

You deserved it

5253

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By oldtimerclark - United States

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks

67495

You deserved it

3940

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By mikay1413

Gullible's travels

Today, my step-sister asked me what an organ donor was. I told her it's someone who delivers pianos. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1214

You deserved it

374

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By Whoopsx99 - United States

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

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13779

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Top comments

By balor_fml | 0

#104497 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:59

No internet in the military, so enjoy your Private life without more FML sharing.

By Juli_fml | 0

#104514 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:16

my parents thought i should go to military school too, when in reality i had no reason to at all.
anyone else think there should be a 'parents' section on here?

COMMENTS

By Vinatierri | 0

#104477 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:41

I wouldn't complain if I were in your shoes. When I was a kid I would have killed to go to military school. I grew up in a broken home and had to instill all the right values into myself. Honest to God I would have loved a military school--I hate the public school system here.

1st

By KwitIt | 0

#104492 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:51

Yeeowch. Did they play it off like they were kidding? Or were you just being a little dense?

friedpwnadge | 25

#5995791 - Thursday 3 July 2014 1:19

Am I a bad person for clicking both?

By balor_fml | 0

#104497 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:59

No internet in the military, so enjoy your Private life without more FML sharing.

By iBeRandom | 0

#104508 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:11

Oh. Ouch. (x-x)

By Juli_fml | 0

#104514 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:16

my parents thought i should go to military school too, when in reality i had no reason to at all.
anyone else think there should be a 'parents' section on here?

By itsTiffany | 0

#104527 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:36

Conformity is the devil!

By trevcars | 0

#104531 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:39

thats pretty funny, although i doubt they are really making you go:P

By Danika123 | 0

#104557 - Sunday 12 April 2009 14:01

sweeet

By CJ090 | 0

#104664 - Sunday 12 April 2009 15:37

Yea that's right #6 fuck conformity

By PinkXplosion | 0

#104708 - Sunday 12 April 2009 16:07

How is this a FML?
What's wrong with military school?
I agree with #1 I was in the same situation.
I would have loved to went to West Point but I'm too old now.
Hell I'm still considering that Naval Academy or OCS.