Miscellaneous: Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school...

By AlienZ - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24192

You deserved it

43908

Favorite

Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Hot lava from both ends

These people never learn

By iliketurtles - United States

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63186

You deserved it

7719

Favorite

By nyatzz - United States

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33161

You deserved it

2913

Favorite

By Disproportionate

Bent

Today, I noticed that the glasses I got this week seemed off balance. A further inspection showed that one of my ears is bigger than the other. Through even further inspection, my family concluded that the entire right side of my body is higher than my left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1437

You deserved it

146

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1835

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By linda - United States

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34604

You deserved it

5391

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 20:04

Midlife crisis

Today, the woman I've been dating for a while told me she wants to, "go back to day one of the relationship and just be friends first," but doesn’t want to break up or lose me, all because she’s having a midlife crisis. I was going to propose to her next month, I've already bought the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1004

You deserved it

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23875

You deserved it

1591

Favorite

By Anonymous - India - Vijayawada

Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4372

You deserved it

984

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while at the supermarket. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed and "f you" was written on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51475

You deserved it

15809

Favorite

By jend - United States

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42375

You deserved it

3746

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Collingswood

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39824

You deserved it

12139

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59690

You deserved it

6038

Favorite

By dadadoo - United States

Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33781

You deserved it

3300

Favorite

By distracted - Canada - Victoria

Today, I went out for lunch with a guy I hadn't seen in a couple of months. He seemed to be staring at my chest quite a bit, but I wasn't too bothered by it. Turns out there was still an XL sticker on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23993

You deserved it

6784

Favorite

By Spudzy - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9404

You deserved it

44730

Favorite

By levi69 - United States

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60407

You deserved it

4703

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25822

You deserved it

2787

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a group of carolers was coming up my street, so I went out in the cold to wait for them. When they finally arrived, I waved and greeted them. They huddled up discussing something while pointing at me, then skipped my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29212

You deserved it

4886

Favorite

By anonymous - 14/11/2020 06:57 - United States - Irving

Entitled

Today, where I work at a pharmacy, we were short staffed and running 4 hours behind. A lady came to drop off a new prescription. When I explained to her the wait time, she called the patient. I heard ,"No, they don't look busy." Like, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks

759

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23079

You deserved it

4223

Favorite

By kewlio45 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

107839

You deserved it

6319

Favorite

By tyler_powellROTC - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7131

You deserved it

531

Favorite

By epic174 - United States

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35271

You deserved it

2791

Favorite

By crétin-crédule - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20077

You deserved it

51171

Favorite

By fml - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41257

You deserved it

10904

Favorite

By parched - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33684

You deserved it

3251

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33586

You deserved it

4446

Favorite

By Ashley - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48194

You deserved it

8051

Favorite

By loser weeper - United States - Cape Coral

Today, after looking for my phone for three weeks, I used find my iPhone to track it to my sister-in-law's house. Her response? "Finders keepers, losers weepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2835

You deserved it

253

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4624

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By brokeandsad - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26501

You deserved it

9565

Favorite

By PrincessOhNo - United States - Bronx

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7881

You deserved it

1072

Favorite

By Anonymous

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1700

You deserved it

838

Favorite

By nobleach - United States

Red alert

Today, I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40542

You deserved it

13935

Favorite

By Ah - France

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21727

You deserved it

6307

Favorite

By obnum - United States

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58703

You deserved it

9213

Favorite

By DesperateBich

Today, I was in band rehearsing for a big concert coming up. Since the band was practicing with the orchestra and there weren’t enough seats, we had to stand. My back was facing everyone when my friend tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to my ass. I got my period and everyone saw the stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3015

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By CallMeMrFunny

Today, I mentioned to my parents that Sunday is going to be awesome because it's Christmas. They responded with "Wait, this Sunday? In 3 days?!" Apparently they forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7352

You deserved it

700

Favorite

By Anon - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29031

You deserved it

12049

Favorite

By spacemanspiff78

Just joking, dude!

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31111

You deserved it

4186

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By balor_fml | 0

#104497 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:59

No internet in the military, so enjoy your Private life without more FML sharing.

By Juli_fml | 0

#104514 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:16

my parents thought i should go to military school too, when in reality i had no reason to at all.
anyone else think there should be a 'parents' section on here?

COMMENTS

By Vinatierri | 0

#104477 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:41

I wouldn't complain if I were in your shoes. When I was a kid I would have killed to go to military school. I grew up in a broken home and had to instill all the right values into myself. Honest to God I would have loved a military school--I hate the public school system here.

1st

By KwitIt | 0

#104492 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:51

Yeeowch. Did they play it off like they were kidding? Or were you just being a little dense?

friedpwnadge | 25

#5995791 - Thursday 3 July 2014 1:19

Am I a bad person for clicking both?

By balor_fml | 0

#104497 - Sunday 12 April 2009 12:59

No internet in the military, so enjoy your Private life without more FML sharing.

By iBeRandom | 0

#104508 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:11

Oh. Ouch. (x-x)

By Juli_fml | 0

#104514 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:16

my parents thought i should go to military school too, when in reality i had no reason to at all.
anyone else think there should be a 'parents' section on here?

By itsTiffany | 0

#104527 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:36

Conformity is the devil!

By trevcars | 0

#104531 - Sunday 12 April 2009 13:39

thats pretty funny, although i doubt they are really making you go:P

By Danika123 | 0

#104557 - Sunday 12 April 2009 14:01

sweeet

By CJ090 | 0

#104664 - Sunday 12 April 2009 15:37

Yea that's right #6 fuck conformity

By PinkXplosion | 0

#104708 - Sunday 12 April 2009 16:07

How is this a FML?
What's wrong with military school?
I agree with #1 I was in the same situation.
I would have loved to went to West Point but I'm too old now.
Hell I'm still considering that Naval Academy or OCS.