Work: Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King... - FML

By earths_venus - 24/07/2010 07:44 - Australia

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 906

You deserved it 3 589

Taking stock

Dementia or hate? You decide

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By I_Lossed - 03/11/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 394

You deserved it 4 759

By Plume - 23/12/2008 07:43 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 579

You deserved it 2 409

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 140

You deserved it 7 851

By sting - 06/12/2014 01:32 - United States - Valencia

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 619

You deserved it 16 427

By RickTooBomb - 05/10/2016 15:23 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 696

You deserved it 805

By axwound - 27/12/2009 13:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 490

You deserved it 29 150

By Omega - 29/07/2016 00:26

Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 737

You deserved it 1 466

Credibility loss

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 11:01 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was promoted to vice president of my company. I gave a speech explaining how I intended to run things more transparently. When I bent down to pick up my folder, my pants split. Somebody said, "Powerpuff girls panties. Transparent indeed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 05:00

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 166

You deserved it 311

By demaris - 30/10/2010 23:46 - Canada

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 6 026

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 267

You deserved it 1 262

Neighbours from hell

By Anonymous - 01/05/2012 19:51 - Canada - Oakville

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 004

You deserved it 1 994

Burning up

By Eliana - 06/05/2021 14:01

Today, my left eye is bright red and painful. Also, I have pimples all over my genitals. Spoiler alert: it's herpes. The eye? A bacterial eye infection. Welcome to a week of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 265

Demonic attack!

By zombie mommy - 27/06/2020 17:02

Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 209

By anonymous - 09/08/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 158

You deserved it 3 148

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Spicy

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 148

You deserved it 17 496

By onebadwave - 21/08/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 607

You deserved it 46 388

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 029

You deserved it 214

By FullCircleProblem - 27/01/2016 06:04 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 902

You deserved it 2 342

By BrefODM - 13/06/2014 03:15 - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to an efficient diet, I reached my target weight. Unfortunately, my chest has disappeared. My boyfriend suggested we have a funeral for my bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 879

You deserved it 7 509

By JessykaB - 28/08/2010 05:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 790

You deserved it 7 304

By Yay..... - 17/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 595

You deserved it 14 482

By alphabetman - 14/09/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 863

You deserved it 6 763

By embarrassed4life - 25/06/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 080

You deserved it 15 672

No job for you

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 07:59

Today, I had a virtual interview for my dream job. Prepared as f**k. One of the interviewers turned out to be my ex, who I dumped for being too dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 463

By NYeeerrr - 09/06/2019 22:00

Today, after having my Apple Watch for a year, it asked me something it has never asked me before. As I began my hike around a lake, 10 minutes in, it asked if I was starting to workout. I hit yes, and it then congratulated me on my very first workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 687

By rebekah - 03/04/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 074

You deserved it 76 878

By Anonymous - 31/03/2018 15:00

Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 926

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 04:13 - United States - Midland

Today, I was talking with a very attractive co-worker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as the moth lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 242

You deserved it 926

By Dezzmond68 - 15/09/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 858

You deserved it 864

By Jordan - 30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 274

You deserved it 37 351

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 196

You deserved it 820

So selfish

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 14:00

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 104

By Noname - 14/03/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 81 883

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 14:29 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 985

You deserved it 46 566

By TooLoud - 31/05/2015 00:12 - United States - Moorpark

Spicy

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 914

You deserved it 2 974

By motherdearest - 21/03/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my mom. We were in American Eagle shopping for spring clothes, when a few good looking guys walked by and whistled at me. I smiled at them. They were checking out my mom, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 207

You deserved it 6 950

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 15:32 - United States - Acton

Spicy

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 776

You deserved it 59 309

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 655

You deserved it 9 036

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 99

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Top comments

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:14

kick his ass.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:16

o.O look him straight in the eye say it was love that killed the beast then run away

Comments

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:14

kick his ass.

Trupe 3

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:21

Or, or, or......you can not call him king kong. Fuck this Mr. Kong character

selenagirl_fml 0

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:24

is he a mental retard? lol

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:34

oh king kong? yea, you gotta bow and pay the man respect.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:45

'selenagirl' that's nothing to joke about and that guys got mad issues I agree with #1

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Saturday 24 July 2010 21:08

And then you told him "well I want you to lick deezenuts" right??

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Saturday 24 July 2010 21:57

tell him "give me that cwk sawndwhich" then he'll freak out and run away from you at sight. Works everytime.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 22:28

I'd trip him as he walks by.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 22:57

sooo...where do you work?

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Sunday 25 July 2010 1:28

maybe you should if he has OCD

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Sunday 25 July 2010 2:12

20 that's because youre mentally retarded

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Sunday 25 July 2010 3:31

I'm afraid 13 speaks the truth. don't even test him. just do what he says.

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Sunday 25 July 2010 3:50

or you can just put your foot in his ass wear him as a shoe

waterynuggets 0

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Sunday 25 July 2010 4:29

LMAO #66

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Sunday 25 July 2010 5:59

Opposed to a physical retard?

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Sunday 25 July 2010 7:04

-20 until u or ur loved one is diagnosed with it. so no it's not. watch wat u say, fate might just teach u a lesson.

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Sunday 25 July 2010 10:07

so u can still laugh at it. black people and there voodoo superstition! ^^

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Sunday 25 July 2010 11:28

just start treating him like a monkey.

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Sunday 25 July 2010 16:18

f*ck u! stupid jerk

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Monday 26 July 2010 0:00

draw an epic picture of a huge veiny beast of a man sausage, with added hairy balls, and repeatedly staple it to his forehead......

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Monday 26 July 2010 17:16

hahahahaha

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:53

ask him if he knows that king kong died?

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:16

o.O look him straight in the eye say it was love that killed the beast then run away

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:19

Close I think it was "beauty" not "love". I could be wrong.

MagicalPegicorn 0

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:42

it's beauty.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:53

I remember it as love, but I may be wrong.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:19

King Kong 4D at Universal Studios Hollywood is pretty awesome.. if you're ever there you should check it out

Back_In_Action 18

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:20

Tell your coworker that if he wants to be called King Kong that he can go ahead and jump off the Empire State Building while he's at it. What an idiot.

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Wednesday 9 February 2011 8:16

hahaha

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:22

So say your Godzilla and will kick his ass if doesn't bow down to you. Weird people at work though!

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:28

I like your duel fighters. Who will win? Prefer Hulk VS Thing.

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Sunday 25 July 2010 3:32

pfft hulk vs thing is a joke. the hulk would destroy the thing

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:26

If you're gonna bow, bow low, so when you get back up you can sucker punch him in the nuts.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:27

hahaha lol

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:29

If it was your boss that said that, I'd get it, but if it's just a lowly coworker... grow a pair and tell him to fuck off

MizzCaramelle 1

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:38

lol fyl why? just don't do it.

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Saturday 24 July 2010 19:42

What he deserves is a knee to the groin.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 63

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 227