Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML
Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML
Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML
Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML
Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 40
Who needs a gym membership when you already have a perfectly good bed capable of enduring all the working out you'll ever need?
SChew 6
so go get a gym membership
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Comments (89)
threetwenty 0
wooow. she's a bitchhhhh. forget about the people who said you deserve it, they wouldnt be laughing if it was them.
kuraisora 0
Ok. it may have been a bit rude, but honestly... it is a bit funny.
jordanlite 16
Call the police next time you see her peeping.
Surewhatever 35
Is it really considered peeping if you are giving an open display?
cuddlee 0
I love this FML. And 28 posts a tad too much to be talking sh*t that people sit on here all day and read others misfortunes because they're fat.
cupcake_19s 0
this is when you put on a too small bra and spandex and start dancing in front of your window when she's looking.
WardenWolf 26
You deserved it, for not ensuring others couldn't see you having sex and exposing yourself to your neighbors. You should have had curtains in the first place.
ZeroIce 12
What do you do that made them say that?
Seirye 2
When you said "lowered her voice" I thought you meant her tone became more manly. I read that in a low monotone voice...
Evilpishi 18
...but the bedroom is my gym...
DatPiggahDoe 10
Next time, dance in front of your open window.