Kids: Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her...

By Anonymous - 05/11/2014 19:52 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 083

You deserved it 10 179

Kids

You tried

Mama's boy

Empathy lives

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:06

Today, I had someone place two separate to-go orders, so that he could use two of his "25% off" coupons. He couldn't understand why it wasn't 50% off his total bill, no matter how many times I plainly explained it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 111

By toastedguy - 01/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 573

You deserved it 13 120

Sue! SUE!

By homelessagain - 18/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Lorain

Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 716

You deserved it 414

Great parenting

By clutzymama - 10/07/2015 04:27 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 404

You deserved it 16 386

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 18:00

Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 870

You deserved it 803

By Kfeaaa - 24/02/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 890

You deserved it 7 552

Benefits

By Anonymous - 03/01/2022 11:01

Today, I laid out my feelings to my friend with benefits, and asked if we could get together and talk. Now I'm being ignored, and my heart is shattered. I always fall for Mr Wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 977

Cheap-ass lying bro-bro!

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 02:00 - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 169

By Rob - 18/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Franklin

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 294

You deserved it 16 904

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 507

By Anonymous - 26/08/2015 11:28 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 394

You deserved it 10 057

By notacreep - 16/05/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 107

You deserved it 4 050

By lolk - 10/03/2013 07:41 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 666

You deserved it 41 566

By TecheyTim - 01/04/2015 17:46 - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 211

You deserved it 11 501

By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 797

You deserved it 27 554

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 21:07 - United States

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 342

You deserved it 9 970

By fmlskank93 - 01/09/2010 11:10 - Australia

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 630

You deserved it 4 595

By Safe - 17/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 378

You deserved it 5 005

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 16:06 - United States

Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 912

You deserved it 44 235

By whatthewhat? - 25/11/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn't trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they're throwing her a pity party. Now I'm single and I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 840

You deserved it 3 519

By Raprotcommander - 07/02/2011 15:47 - United States

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 270

You deserved it 54 224

By mildlyconcussed - 10/08/2015 08:32 - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 587

You deserved it 1 887

By Eheath12Jheath14 - 12/07/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I welcomed our first son into the world. After I gave birth, he said he was going home to make sure the house was ready for baby. A few hours later, he was tagged in a Facebook photo by a mutual friend at the local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 237

You deserved it 472

By Devotedmom - 10/01/2016 09:07 - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 984

You deserved it 3 092

By NotALuckyGuy - 07/04/2015 16:19 - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 010

You deserved it 47 256

By ajdown - 17/06/2011 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 816

You deserved it 2 507

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 695

You deserved it 35 030

By PoorGal - 19/10/2015 18:04 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 925

You deserved it 5 760

Make it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 04:00

Today, I had depressive feelings, so I decided to write about it to find out what was bothering me, and let go of the negative thoughts. While doing so, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 197

By Cooky - 14/03/2010 09:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 269

You deserved it 6 714

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 080

You deserved it 2 893

By Noname - 07/01/2009 15:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 447

You deserved it 56 367

By mymomplucksbutthair - 25/06/2013 20:43 - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 770

You deserved it 3 379

By wearashirt - 04/12/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 941

You deserved it 14 420

By retailshell - 28/01/2015 15:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 375

You deserved it 2 682

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 177

By Christen - 19/02/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 344

You deserved it 36 602

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 08:45 - Canada

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 198

You deserved it 4 128

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 040

You deserved it 8 331

Stop! Thief!

By kellthryn - 17/03/2020 23:00

Today, during my work shift, my car got stolen and I had to walk home on the rain. While I was walking home, my stolen car drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 206

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Top comments

billyboef 10

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:01

at least you won the game

lowkeybelieber 7

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:01

What a bitch

ImBored089 13

Thursday 6 November 2014 0:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

jellybeens_fml 16

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:07

He had the opportunity and he seized it!

MeanBeagle 22

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:13

fucking blue shell.

Nathan_h24 17

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:25

Mario does ruin relationships...

shay_serendipity 29

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:30

I hate to be that guy, but it bothers me so much when people make that mistake, so... *shouldn't HAVE, not shouldn't OF.

J3R3MYY 14

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:45

Sounds like a Monopoly situation. So many ruined friendships, and fallen apart families came of that game.

iShanny 13

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Thursday 6 November 2014 1:38

Shouldn't HAVE, dammit!

littleteapot 21

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Thursday 6 November 2014 4:52

The Draw Four card in Uno is just as bad.

MrCantgetright 4

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Thursday 6 November 2014 12:14

actually his mom called herself a bitch, he just agreed with her.

Gwen4var 31

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Friday 7 November 2014 19:43

Agreed

yzzob 3

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Sunday 9 November 2014 14:21

^agree. I would've grounded you too or at least smacked you

billyboef 10

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:01

at least you won the game

Sangue0608 26

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Thursday 6 November 2014 5:11

You have now lost the game.

hamburgerjung 23

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Thursday 6 November 2014 7:08

He should have known... Mario Kart is war. :D

Lasagnaa 24

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Thursday 6 November 2014 11:06

Does she realize that she's calling herself a bitch?

lowkeybelieber 7

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:01

What a bitch

jojimugo 20

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:29

She knows

devildog562 33

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:38

You can't help who you're born to .

tantanpanda 26

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Thursday 6 November 2014 4:45

when you're a son of a bitch, ya know...

xcarlito615x 24

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:02

Second place is underrated :p

MeanBeagle 22

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:11

its the first loser

kaceyma 5

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Thursday 6 November 2014 4:37

abby lee miller knows

leviheichou 15

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:04

A+ parenting skills right there

Agtthepw 21

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Thursday 6 November 2014 1:14

Next you'll remember that no matter what: mum always wins the game!

aaron44 16

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Thursday 6 November 2014 5:19

At least OP's mom plays video games with him. Many people wish for that type of family time, minus her being a sore loser.

danis_fml 12

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:05

The amazing logic of moms

blahblah5743794 19

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:05

That's horrible and amazing

BigLatchZatch 14

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:06

To be fair, losing at MarioKart sucks ass, but that was still a huge overreaction.

AddictGamer 16

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Thursday 6 November 2014 5:24

I don't see why you're voted down, mariokart does suck when you loose, and she brought it upon herself.

junkman6 22

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:09

You learned a lesson all men learn eventually. There's no winning against a woman even when you win.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Thursday 6 November 2014 0:11

She really is a bitch, what a way to overreact on losing at a game.

Hidebehindarock 19

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Thursday 6 November 2014 1:05

It's not because she lost...it's because what was said.

sweetbliss3 37

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Thursday 6 November 2014 1:29

what was said over a game. so it all boils down to the game. damn Mario.

smc3106 25

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Thursday 6 November 2014 4:30

She, most likely, said "Son of a bitch", over the situation of losing the game. Her son, decided it was a good time to call his Mom a bitch. He got what he deserved. Thumbs down for me? Who cares what the immature kids that would actually call their Mom a bitch think? Not I.