Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

Cheers

Today, for my birthday, my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

Dude, where's my car?

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a three month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

Tact

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

Today, after several months of eating right, exercising, and weight loss, my mother has yet again arrived at my house, unannounced and with a very sugary cake. She's been doing this most weeks since I lost 50 pounds. FML