Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening... - FML

By elle - 23/05/2011 10:17

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 248

You deserved it 4 129

Batman

Night terrors

Real friends

By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 06:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 10 373

By Anonymous - 07/03/2011 05:38 - United Kingdom

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 496

You deserved it 12 868

By Insanity - 09/04/2015 05:28 - France - La Poste

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 084

You deserved it 7 726

By scaredshitless - 03/03/2012 13:55 - Finland

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 131

You deserved it 10 696

By idontmakethedresscode - 23/10/2015 08:17 - United States - Napa

Today, my classmate went into rage mode and cursed at me, complaining how it's so unfair that I'm allowed to wear a hijab in class but she isn't allowed to wear a Flamingo hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 886

You deserved it 6 402

Badass over here

By Morgan - 12/09/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, my sister burned herself on purpose with a curling iron. Why? She thought it would be cool to have a scar that "tells a story." My sister is 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 477

You deserved it 3 077

The cliché is true

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 21:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 558

You deserved it 64 733

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 885

You deserved it 10 934

By SmileEveryday - 17/03/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 936

You deserved it 20 365

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 11:53 - Australia

Spicy

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 875

You deserved it 36 625

By marcymoo - 11/03/2013 04:09 - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 860

You deserved it 2 832

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 631

You deserved it 2 678

By iGotSkill - 31/10/2009 01:32 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 226

You deserved it 2 894

By Herbiee - 18/08/2010 12:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 410

You deserved it 13 060

Not that sort, I swear

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 148

Plans

By bitchface - 09/01/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I looked at my father's Facebook for the first time in a month to see a status saying, "Making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 822

You deserved it 3 043

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 870

You deserved it 8 423

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 20:08 - United States

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 241

You deserved it 3 465

By wrongman - 14/02/2018 19:00

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 7 581

Just a prank, bro

By iscreamforicecream - 01/06/2011 11:53 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 374

You deserved it 5 729

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 450

You deserved it 6 820

By Beanzbeanz - 09/07/2011 15:19 - Canada

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 960

You deserved it 10 482

By lostintdot - 31/07/2014 11:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 888

You deserved it 5 140

By Anonymous - 08/10/2010 18:33 - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 896

You deserved it 6 617

By anonymous - 06/11/2010 22:37 - Canada

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 200

You deserved it 26 777

By drucle - 18/03/2016 12:49 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 894

You deserved it 16 140

By constantine - 29/08/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I wanted to go clubbing with my friends. I started drinking at home to save on the price of drinks, instead I fell asleep on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 544

You deserved it 36 048

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 14:51 - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 033

You deserved it 4 050

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 854

You deserved it 7 323

Free vacation

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 14:01

Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 482

You deserved it 4 462

Some pain, no gain

By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 127

By jazz - 22/01/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 5 736

By Eh... - 19/07/2009 07:25 - Ukraine

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 323

You deserved it 8 022

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 07:28 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 4 962

By debiebs - 29/12/2015 12:04 - Brazil - Salvador

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 430

You deserved it 2 289

By Anonymous - 11/04/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 956

You deserved it 7 031

Thanks, babe

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 17:58 - Canada - Moncton

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 97

Great look

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 17:00

Today, I had a conversation with my work crush. I walked back to my office, only to realize I had breakfast in my hair. I had oatmeal for breakfast, and it looked like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 247

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:05

At least it was only your yard and not your house. Now your grass will be nice and green.

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:05

crappy way to start a Monday.

Comments

dtg96 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:04

Hahahahahaha

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:08

That's not funny

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:05

I thought you were talking about the tornado for a second there.

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Monday 23 May 2011 18:14

But I bet you had the best sleep of your life! Now get out the blow up mattress and float around your new backyard-sized pool.

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Monday 23 May 2011 21:49

all the neighborhood kiddies will be jealous. you are now the coolest kid on the block OP.

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:05

crappy way to start a Monday.

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Monday 23 May 2011 17:31

your grass is fucked

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 23 May 2011 17:34

You don't need something to make a Monday crappy; they're always crappy because everyone hates Mondays!

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 23 May 2011 17:37

So are you, 33 ;) *click tongue*

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:42

I hate Fridays though (Rebecca Black reference FTW!!!)

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 0:34

55 - SOMEBODY doesn't get down on Friday...

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Wednesday 27 February 2013 3:57

Monday's aren't crappy because we hate them. We hate them because they're crappy.

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:05

At least it was only your yard and not your house. Now your grass will be nice and green.

whiteboy7thst 2

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:29

Or a soft overwatered brown...

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:49

or nice and green

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Monday 23 May 2011 18:16

Or a soft overwatered brown...

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Monday 23 May 2011 18:25

or nice and green.

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Monday 23 May 2011 18:43

why make that your name like really its not like your really whiteboy..

Jenna_Tell_Yuh 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 19:22

way to ruin it

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Monday 23 May 2011 20:23

no kidding... or a nice green.

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Monday 23 May 2011 22:04

or a overwatered soft brown

Texasgirl192238 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 23:23

ewww^ haha

tomboy_girl23 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 5:08

or a nice lushes green

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 20:56

or an overwatered brown

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:05

Hahahhaahha that happened to me like a week ago

hctr 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:07

Why the hell is everything flooding?!

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:14

RAPTURE 2011 prequel to the earthquakes

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 7:16

end of the world.... lol jk, we survived the rapture XD sooo now we wait for Obama to tax more to help..... wait a sec...... he won't help he'll just want our money and run, nvm, we screwed

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Tuesday 27 September 2011 5:07

2012 is starting! LOL JK

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:08

lmao!!! did u not realize that the "peaceful" rain was not that peaceful? that it was flooding? it couldn't have been that peaceful if it was tht bad.....

shakeTHEworld 12

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:09

Really? It didn't occur to check outside in the rain? Though I can understand where your going at, still, really?

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:12

How did it make you think it was raining? Wouldn't the windows be getting wet?

catatonicsleep 17

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Monday 23 May 2011 20:28

They were probably in bed with the blinds shut...

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Monday 23 May 2011 16:14

well it's probably better that you enjoyed it. not like there's a whole lot you can do about a water main.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 197