Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asked, "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
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Top comments
omgyoukilledkeny 0
I ****** LOVE UR MOM
rb7_Brady 0
Lmao you must be very lonely
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Comments (109)
FrankieTheNimrod 0
AND the OP wrote "where," when he should have written "were." Therefore, OP needs to go back to second grade.
Thutboy 12
your mom is awsome. btw FYL
lotsologan 2
There are so many grammatical errors in this post!
themaintroll 0
YDI for reading Of Mice And Men...the worst book ever written
qwasedral 0
its spelled mastrubation
mikew85 0
well, everyone has their talents. lol
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
You're obviously not a pro if you can't spell masturbation right.
Junkson 0
How does your mom know you're a pro?What a perverted bitch.
missme_fml 0
so what about the spelling? we all got what was being said. the mom is just joking around, it is funny!
shapeshifter101 4
just one of those moments you wish you were not there. hu?