Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asked, "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
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Top comments
omgyoukilledkeny 0
I ****** LOVE UR MOM
rb7_Brady 0
Lmao you must be very lonely
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Comments (109)
lol69_fml 0
Bimmer you are stupid. You call someone an idiot for bad grammar and then say expect bad grammar in your comment. What does that make you? A hypocritical idiot?
ShadowNine 0
Hahahaha (: jerkoff
candykiss620 0
wow, that sucks! ahhahaah.
mortegataco 2
Ouch!!! too funny!!
DbeX 0
Its spelled "masturbation"
z411811 0
Fyourlife38 0
Where? GRAMMAR FAIL
Tahsis 4
You are all idiots. Firstly, grammar doesn't equal spelling. Secondly, no grammar mistakes were in the story, only spelling. Thirdly, there was one mistakes, so why would you say mistakes, which is plural. Lastly, no one caught Bimmers GRAMMAR mistake, which is that you put "you" after the other noun in second person plural. Also, he had no typos, and it's stupud to expect them as all iPods have auto correct. ---The grammar Nazi
Music_Peace_1234 0
Wow.The grammar Nazi, for someone who cares so much about their spelling and grammar, but... You made so many mistakes yourself... LIKE, in the spot where you said "Thirdly, there was one mistakes,", that is a mistake itself. :) Next time you are going to critisize someone for their spelling and grammar, check your own. :)
Tahsis 4
You are all idiots. Firstly, grammar doesn't equal spelling. Secondly, no grammar mistakes were in the story, only spelling. Thirdly, there was one mistake, so why would you say mistakes, which is plural. Lastly, no one caught Bimmers GRAMMAR mistake, which is that you put "you" after the other noun in second person plural. Also, he had no typos, and it's stupid to expect them as all iPods have auto correct. ---The grammar Nazi, now fixed, stupid iPod.
FrankieTheNimrod 0
Actually, the original FML does have grammar mistakes. At the end, the quotation marks should be at the beginning and end of the mother's statement. There should also be a period. And if you really want to be anal about it, there should be a question mark signifying that your "...so why would you say mistakes..." sentence is a question.
johnny_z 0
'which is that you put "you" after the other noun in second person plural' That's not a grammatical rule. It's perhaps preferable to do it that way as a matter of etiquette, but gramatically it makes absolutely no difference.
iFruit 0
Horrible punctuation. GRAMMAR GIRL STRIKES AGAIN!