Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML

Pissed

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

Dude, gross!

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

Business is business

Today, my best friend and I were taking bikini selfies in my backyard hot tub when I caught my little brother peeping and taking photos from around a corner behind us. Now I know how he can afford his vapes, despite not having a job and being in middle school. FML