Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating.... - FML

By ilikeirishducks - 19/6/2009 13:51 - Italy

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

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Dangling modifier

Last dates

My body, my choice

By GarageSallin - 7/2/2013 15:24

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

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By Steiner - 5/11/2013 21:26 - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

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By jimmyt420 - 29/11/2009 09:33 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML

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By Lucy - 6/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

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By dom - 8/9/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

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By damnit - 25/8/2009 06:44 - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

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By nightput - 17/11/2008 06:02 - France

Today, I took my driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

New one

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 20:07 - France - Sardieu

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 05:16 - Canada

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

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By worker666 - 13/4/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

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By TheSickness - 28/5/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

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By Neckbruise101 - 15/10/2016 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

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By NothowIimaginedmyday - 3/10/2015 04:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 01:00

Looking for another one!

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

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By izzy - 15/5/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

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By tina - 17/8/2010 12:30 - Canada

Today, I ran into my boyfriend at the mall, the same boyfriend that told me he was taking a family vacation to Mexico. FML

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By Enragedbitch - 20/10/2012 08:49 - United States - Torrance

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

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By aldfgadfklbg - 13/3/2011 23:08 - United States

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2011 18:09 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2012 19:22 - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

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By BlueB - 6/7/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

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By assoutofuandme - 14/2/2013 07:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

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By bels12 - 5/1/2010 05:15 - Australia

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

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By failingyetagain - 20/7/2015 22:17 - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2011 05:40 - Egypt

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2011 00:36 - Australia

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 05:49 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

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By nakedweddingday - 4/7/2013 02:40 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

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By gangstalicious - 8/5/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML

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By uglychick - 5/9/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, my brother came out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower, it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth for the last two weeks. FML

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By fuundmental/// - 9/4/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

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By rammedbehind - 26/8/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML

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By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - 8/3/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

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By Spiller - 17/11/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. I was exhausted and had a big mug of coffee. Half asleep and thinking I was in my car, I reached forward to put it in the "cup holder" during the ride. When I let go, I poured hot coffee not only all over myself, but also on the large, angry-looking man next to me. FML

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By fml - 13/1/2020 07:00 - United States - Huntsville

Really!

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

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Top comments

By WFMS | 0

#321205 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:13

why would you take a bath with a hole in the floor and someone else in your house. Come on use your common sense.

By Bigblackbunny | 2

#321170 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:07

He probably liked it, but didn't want you to know he liked it, so he put on a fake horror face. Well, that is unless he is a guy, and you are a guy. Then even I would be in horror.

COMMENTS

By zip123 | 0

#321148 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:04

Maybe he liked it? FYL

Reply

Dante167 | 0

#322051 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:52

Nah I dont think he liked it, hense why she said "In horror"

Reply

TheLittlestNinja | 0

#322253 - Saturday 20 June 2009 0:58

lol can you say "dumbass!!"

Reply

realworldready | 0

#322822 - Saturday 20 June 2009 5:13

She might be his friend's little sister. That would justify horror.

Reply

andyn | 0

#323468 - Saturday 20 June 2009 12:29

Maybe time for a bit of a shave down there?

Reply

FarSide | 22

#325855 - Sunday 21 June 2009 5:55

"staring up at me in horror"???

That must be one fugly beaver.

Reply

z620 | 0

#883044 - Monday 22 February 2010 22:33

sounds fake to me and wat would they be doing staring up there knowing u were in the shower pervs

Reply

zac12345 | 0

#959243 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 22:09

no guy hates that, he was just shocked I bet

Reply

nosedive1994 | 0

#980691 - Saturday 17 April 2010 1:23

I'm sure he immensely enjoyed it. it just surprised him

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1005280 - Monday 24 May 2010 10:54

shave your vagina.

Reply

haley188118 | 0

#1597884 - Monday 25 October 2010 2:58

my guess is that when she put her leg over her foot or something dripped down through the hole so automatically he looked up :p and I mean if I randomly looked up and say someones vag I'd be pretty shocked so I think that's what she meant by horrified :p

Reply

mlia172 | 0

#3445017 - Monday 17 October 2011 14:35

1. Bath. 2. Maybe the sound of water shortly drew his attention up?

By FormatEntity | 0

#321161 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:05

doesn't sound like he liked it. Why would he be in horror!?!?

Reply

Dante167 | 0

#322060 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:54

Hes probly in horror because she has a bush like Demi Moore or something :D

Reply

INeed1UserName | 0

#322085 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:59

LOL. i couldn't agree more.

Reply

raptorjebus | 0

#1032464 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 18:12

he made th face that the monkey is making in your profile picture.

Reply

isaac_newton | 17

#6241528 - Monday 23 March 2015 23:20

But bush can be sexy

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#321166 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:06

Oh my that is embarrasing!

By Bigblackbunny | 2

#321170 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:07

He probably liked it, but didn't want you to know he liked it, so he put on a fake horror face. Well, that is unless he is a guy, and you are a guy. Then even I would be in horror.

Reply

xocasperxo | 0

#321292 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:32

it says the OP is a woman

Reply

rachelmacivor | 0

#2306662 - Thursday 7 April 2011 3:03

no it dosent. it said he thought hi brothers friend was hot. ever heard the word homo? that would explain the horror.

Reply

xxJustTxx | 0

#3031318 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 20:30

It says nothing about the OP's gender in the FML

Reply

Torunn | 13

#3391283 - Wednesday 5 October 2011 15:49

Um...pink female symbol, upper right corner...

Reply

linarahmany | 6

#4041689 - Thursday 16 February 2012 5:36

lol

By JeskaHadley | 0

#321174 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:07

Well either your not that great looking, or its time to do a bit of trimming down there.

Reply

123sploosh | 0

#322086 - Saturday 20 June 2009 0:00

why would she have to? you only do that when your having sex. not when your expecting to randomly flash your vag at your brothers friends.

Reply

Krabby_fml | 0

#323556 - Saturday 20 June 2009 14:00

I'm not getting laid but I keep it trimmed down there lol? Nothing wrong with some hygiene.

Reply

girl909 | 0

#324060 - Saturday 20 June 2009 18:26

hahaha...nice one

Reply

JeskaHadley | 0

#326982 - Sunday 21 June 2009 17:39

exactly lol

Reply

Rejectofsociety9 | 0

#1037032 - Sunday 20 June 2010 14:11

#181: Always be prepared for a random hook-up.

By Quinklong | 0

#321178 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:07

Why was he even down there if he knew you were in the bath?

Reply

Moemoemoe_fml | 0

#323144 - Saturday 20 June 2009 9:18

To fap? XD Maybe the horror face was from being caught, like the comment below says.

Reply

Twin_Uzis | 0

#323282 - Saturday 20 June 2009 10:40

Maybe he didn't.

By lazorzpewpew | 0

#321181 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:08

fap fap fap fap

Reply

Melodious | 0

#322127 - Saturday 20 June 2009 0:10

lmao.

Reply

misguidedvision | 0

#322385 - Saturday 20 June 2009 1:59

lol he prob was, and then he looked in horror when he got caught

By crazygirl13_fml | 0

#321187 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

dancin303 | 0

#321600 - Friday 19 June 2009 21:51

does it sound like that was about to happen. context clues people

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1005286 - Monday 24 May 2010 10:56

your cute crazy girl, I wouldn't mind doing some crazy things to you ;)

Reply

skigirl98 | 9

#2899781 - Friday 15 July 2011 19:58

yes, because she is totally going to go have sex with her brothers friend -_- ok

Reply

samiwammy | 5

#3411764 - Monday 10 October 2011 6:44

Actually, it can and does happen

Reply

llama_drama | 19

#6335148 - Monday 29 June 2015 4:12

This isn't a porno

By whoahanna | 0

#321197 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:11

Well why the fuck was he being such a creep by watching you like that ?!

Reply

lolwhat_fml | 0

#321731 - Friday 19 June 2009 22:28

good pointt

By Knockyoudown | 0

#321204 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:12

Fake horror face i think! haha.