Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

Sick

Today, my husband was sick so we ordered out and watched a baseball game. He dozed while I did chores and listened. Near the end of the game, I sat down with my phone to look at pics of the protests. He told me to put my phone down. He was furious. I "don't respect him" and I "make him feel small in our marriage." FML

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

Go on, why?

Today, my husband ended an argument with, "Do you want to know why people don't like being around you?" FML

Average sports ball fan

Today, my husband threw a tantrum and, in a blind rage, admitted to having an affair with his co-worker. All because the Cowboys are not making it to the SuperBowl. FML

Throw in the towel

Today, my plan to punish my husband by leaving him for a week completely failed. When I got home from the hotel, he had his buddies over happily watching football, but his face fell when I walked in, like I’d ruined his day by coming home. I don’t think my marriage can be saved at this point. FML

Mr Mad

Today, my husband got angry at me, only because I addressed him by his own name. FML

Run, run away pronto

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

Moody blues

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

Assumptions

Today, I asked my husband to talk and he got the most tired and “Here we go again” look and then asked what he’d done wrong this time. Apparently, I get mad at him so often that now every time we talk, he immediately assumes he did something wrong. I think I’m a horrible wife. FML