Kids: Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking...

By Anonymous - 03/09/2013 04:13 - United States - Woburn

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 003

You deserved it 5 190

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Same thing different taste

By razzmataz - 28/01/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 3 149

By Colby - 15/11/2013 16:59 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 605

You deserved it 3 762

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 240

You deserved it 6 678

By mylifeblows - 19/08/2010 06:15 - United States

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 030

You deserved it 8 489

Shame! Shame!

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 12:00

Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 592

Learning

By dummy - 11/07/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 624

You deserved it 58 115

By auraya1985 - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 1 879

By oliveoyl - 23/07/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 670

You deserved it 5 268

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

By GOT not for me - 15/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 179

By imarriedanaxemurderer - 18/06/2013 05:01 - United States - Joliet

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 542

You deserved it 4 626

d4m4s74 12

Tuesday 3 September 2013 11:36

Hey, it's a nice story to tell his friends when he's older.

Typicall 21

Tuesday 3 September 2013 11:40

Well isn't that cute ...

Comments

rockcaar3 7

Monday 7 July 2014 8:14

Teacher:"well sweety can you finish of your drawing" Kid: "well heil hitler bitch"

gqlmno 23

Friday 18 September 2015 2:31

Hey your husband was only trying to teach him to be an entrepreneur and not settle for a job that pays some shit wage

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Today, I found out my best friend works at my husband’s job. He calls her his “work wife.” I had no idea they worked together, nor the fact that he calls her that. I used her phone to call my husband and she has him as “Work Hubby” with a heart emoji. The worst part? They insist nothing is going on between them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 112

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 048

You deserved it 139

The Top

Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 324

You deserved it 1 111

Today, I went to put my laptop on a desk when I got a text message. I was startled by the ringtone and dropped my laptop on the ground. It now has dent marks on the bottom. The text message was from an annoying friend, simply saying, "I'm eating a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 661

You deserved it 14 591

Today, I won an academic award during an assembly. Everyone laughed, followed by booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 393

You deserved it 4 975

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 409

You deserved it 31 973

Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 599

You deserved it 6 574

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 898

You deserved it 6 446

Same thing different taste

Shame! Shame!

Learning

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

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