Animals: Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because... - FML

By anonomys - 05/09/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 10 111

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Same thing different taste

Alarm

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 583

You deserved it 4 007

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 777

You deserved it 13 968

By Noname - 02/02/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 810

You deserved it 7 057

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 307

You deserved it 728

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 440

You deserved it 805

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 8 099

By Dogsbody - 27/05/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 342

You deserved it 2 462

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 547

The "He's probably thinking of other girls" meme gone wrong

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 23:00

Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 1 372

Next

Top comments

McMike10 1

Monday 5 September 2011 22:52

Maybe he thought you looked fetching

saintdalman 4

Monday 5 September 2011 22:53

Do you do tricks with peanut butter too?

Comments

XxBiggyExX 0

Monday 5 September 2011 23:07

This reminds of Brian Griffin

ladiesman219 4

Monday 5 September 2011 23:41

That one episode with new Brian xD

Jacobt24 19

Monday 5 September 2011 23:58

Or the episode where he farts and wakes himself up . . .

jacob128 4

Monday 5 September 2011 23:09

Well dont try to hold it bc youll blow up (south park)

hawaiianfire 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 14:14

She has a future in Brazilian fart **** (south park)

ikickgingers 15

Tuesday 6 September 2011 17:33

Not related to post/// When I think south park I now equate that to the human centipede. I just threw up.

BrianAlarcon 0

Monday 5 September 2011 23:09

Your like Brian from family guy!!

GrammarNazzzzzi 6

Tuesday 6 September 2011 3:05

His what?

thatbritkid 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 7:40

#18 nice pic

alone_unafraid 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 8:07

Your vs. you're. FAIL

Livzii 5

Monday 5 September 2011 23:11

wow that dog has problems

miserypoison 13

Monday 5 September 2011 23:14

Doggystyle too.

itschrisssybro 8

Monday 5 September 2011 23:23

Those must be some pretty bombing farts for you to wake yourself up...

Buzzy123 7

Monday 5 September 2011 23:27

He just means you give him a bone alot and wants to you to fetch it. (If you know what I mean.) ^.^

bcgirl69 0

Monday 5 September 2011 23:38

Omg my hubby tells me I do the same thing! Lmao

Biggy2010 3

Monday 5 September 2011 23:40

haha. cracked me up. can you imagine it. she farts and starts to smell it and starts to twitch and wakes up. funny as hell.

ArthursLifeSucks 2

Monday 5 September 2011 23:44

My g/f from back in the day said one night she rolled over and cuddled up against my back and when she wrapped her arm around me, I farted on her. Looking back now, the bitch deserved it.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I literally caught my husband with his prick in another woman’s mouth and he had the nerve, the actual nerve, to tell me, "It’s not what it looks like, babe", all while trying to stuff his lipstick-coated knob back in his pants. CRETIN. IDIOT. CHEATING SCUM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 162

Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 512

The Top

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 478

You deserved it 1 427

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 787

You deserved it 8 663

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 768

You deserved it 6 648

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying, "Save your money". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 686

You deserved it 31 569

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 4 859

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 301

You deserved it 7 525