Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML
Today, my husband and I visited a new bar in our city. It turned out to be a swingers sex club. He asked if we could stay and try it out, even though we were easily the oldest people there by about 30 years. FML
Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML
Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, someone handed me a drink at a wedding, so I awkwardly took a sip and commented on the taste. It turns out they were just trying to “Cheers!” me. FML
Today, I finally turned 21, so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I ordered a drink. She replied, "No problem, kiddo." FML
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML
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Top comments
KeannaLove 32
Tell the bartender you'd like small dick because it reminds you of home. :)
Mat35 8
Tell your husband and bartender this : screw you guys I'm going home. ( just like Eric Cartman)
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Comments (93)
russianboss123 17
How to react: post a fml
mackdeezy 22
Look for one thats called "sleeping on the couch"
modelos10 19
i sure hope so.
CoGhostRider 31
Tell the bartender you want the blue balls so you can relate to the jacka** and flick your finger to him ;)
Enslaved 38
Order a "******** shot" and say that's the only one you're ever going to do. Might as well live up to your Raging Bitch's name.
How_you_doin 10
What are you doing with someone who openly and publicly humiliated you like that? I'm sure you mean now EX-boyfriend, right? Once your finished with this loser make yourself gorgeous and enjoy this holiday destination full of the sexiest men on earth ;) have fun.
imagineapc 11
My boyfriend would absolutely say this, and I would laugh my **** off. We compete to embarrass or gross each other out as much as we can because its funny. We love each other and like to make the other laugh. And it's a bit harder to just break up when you're married.
Xatraris 38
Seeing as how they're married I don't think just leaving and finding a bunch of sexy men helps the situation. At the same time I wouldn't take my girl out on vacation and try to sex up other women over a tiny, possibly hurtful, statement.
Enslaved 38
Probably right! It's got to be them zinging each other. I have an older couple in their 60's that's been married forever, that come to my bar. He'll joke about how she still owns him a BJ for 3-14 (steak and ******** day) and she jokes about him needing to take the whole Viagra pill this time. Sorta "Sonny and Cher" style. At first your jaw will drop until you realize that's their way of joking and showing each other their spicy side.
hcollins1 18
I may seem like a bitch on here but I'd rather have my boyfriend like OPs boyfriend joke around with me like that when were together and out in public. What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't openly joke around with each other? Have fun with each other! If he was constantly doing this and being completely serious though that may be a different story but OPs boyfriend seems to be joking around with them!
theKevmeister 13
should have ordered a comfortable screw and a screaming ****** because you're there for something different
challan 19
Or a ******** and say its the only one for tonight.
theKevmeister 13
or, order a wet pussy and then leave with another woman
Misaki18 17
You should have ordered the "small dick" ;D
_wraith 15
Personally, I would laugh at that, but everyone has a different relationship with their SOs then everyone else. And since this is an FML I'm going to assume you don't have that type o' relationship - which is fine. So personally, if my SO hurt me like that I would tell him that when we were away from the situation and sober. Tell him how it hurt you - relationships are about communication and honesty.
jw90 18
I don't see the problem here.
Shadowbay 18
Ha ha now it's time to be a smartass turn the tables laugh at it and be done it seems he was joking but hey tell him if he hurt your feelings. Heck friends and family have called me worse and I say things right back we don't care who hears but as long as we're all joking it doesn't matter.