Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when she revealed her underwear: boxer shorts. She said she wears them because they’re the only underwear that doesn’t ride up her ass crack. Completely killed the mood. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML
Today, my girl likes to wear my boxers around the house but she was in a pair I’d not seen before. I asked her and she went all quiet and guilty looking. Dudes, I literally caught my girlfriend in another man’s drawers. It would be tragic but right now it’s just too funny. FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML
Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
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Top comments
1dvs_bstd 41
Was it shiny? Girls, like fish are attracted to shiny things. -Barney Stinson.
Mightyrif 23
Paint your **** with the same pattern. Bet that'll impress her!
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Comments (85)
confushon 12
You should be married before sex.
GetaVe 11
I think you mean, weenie.
thenielsens 12
You should probably make your **** more interesting like tie a little bow tie around the head and put a top hat on it...don't forget your monocle ;) just don't get too weird with it..
greeneyedx 23
The first time you saw her breasts did you compliment them or anything? I mean, ladies have boobs and guys have penises. It's nothing new. I think the only thing people *should* say about the matter is that they like whatever parts their s/o has, as to please their partner (or if they really do!).
DemonBoy1988 22
LMFAO
Nobinx 15
why should a girl be impressed by a ****?! they all look gross. i'd be impressed if the guy gives me a great ******
ifuckuprandomly 28
Don't worry if your dick isn't impressive, your tongue can make her feel like £1000000 if used right.
shannon2348 14
I hate to break it to you but cocks really aren't that impressive. ydi