Love: Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested... - FML

By iwantpizza69 - 12/02/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 733

You deserved it 4 178

Walk the line

There's no helping some people

Mother of the year

By Josie - 21/02/2011 07:46 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 988

You deserved it 3 808

Sit and stew

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 00:02

Today, my dog and I got sprayed by a skunk. I have no tomato juice or baking soda, and the bus doesn't come for another 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 128

By Mavis - 03/02/2009 07:54 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 3 206

By um - 08/02/2011 00:54

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 449

You deserved it 7 971

The straights are at it again

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 286

By hairdresser - 09/03/2013 09:05 - Australia

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 501

You deserved it 4 023

By Economess - 17/09/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 882

You deserved it 4 139

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 390

You deserved it 72 203

By easily amused - 12/10/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 949

You deserved it 4 448

By fuck family - 17/07/2013 20:13 - Poland - Walbrzych

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 5 539

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 216

You deserved it 48 124

By Noname - 14/03/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 81 875

By niiiiiiiiiikki - 08/01/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 2 480

By slicero - 07/12/2016 04:40

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 979

You deserved it 628

By Chlo - 11/08/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 373

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 578

You deserved it 36 260

By Confused - 16/04/2014 04:13 - United States - Irvine

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 623

You deserved it 14 611

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 152

You deserved it 2 502

By jogger - 27/11/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I was jogging when a woman ran out of her house and handed me an invitation for a party. What was the invitation for? A weight loss treatment party. Guess the jogging isn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 341

You deserved it 3 043

Business school of business school

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 114

By Weak Disposition - 27/04/2012 04:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 282

You deserved it 29 507

By Savannah - 15/06/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 951

You deserved it 54 978

By MomStayOutOfTheCar - 04/08/2015 04:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 924

You deserved it 2 011

By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 320

You deserved it 7 595

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 15:44 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 301

You deserved it 7 696

By Anonymous - 06/09/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I went to visit my alcoholic father. He remembered to ask me how my dog Reggie is, but could not remember the name of "my pal." My "pal" is also my wife of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 962

You deserved it 2 385

By ~~~ - 29/06/2014 17:08 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 470

You deserved it 4 320

By armywife980 - 03/05/2011 05:01

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 720

You deserved it 7 776

By Steve - 13/09/2017 04:30

Today, I helped my girlfriend pick out a pretty dress for a corporate event. It turns out the first use it was going to see was a date with her side dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 236

You deserved it 366

By snickerdoodles - 08/01/2010 06:30 - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 328

You deserved it 3 963

By sadnj - 25/03/2017 00:00

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 317

You deserved it 387

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 14:23

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 078

You deserved it 1 053

By Anonymous - 13/11/2015 18:07 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 388

You deserved it 2 574

Contagion

By Girlygal32 - 13/09/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my mother chewed me out for not wearing deodorant and smelling of B.O. I was wearing plenty of deodorant. My shirt just smelled like my boyfriend, whom I'd been cuddling with earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 468

By ether10 - 04/06/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 060

You deserved it 19 728

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 625

You deserved it 4 766

By mainlaw - 04/12/2009 17:33 - Ireland

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 970

You deserved it 47 142

By un_christmas - 25/12/2012 06:41 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 145

You deserved it 4 221

By fucking moron - 09/12/2014 09:39 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 2 849

By anon - 21/06/2014 12:50 - United States - Edison

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 837

You deserved it 4 848

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Thursday 12 February 2009 7:12

Boo fucking hoo. Why does everyone feel entitled to having their feelings returned? At least he wasn't an ass about rejecting you.

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Thursday 12 February 2009 4:37

AWESOME. made me laugh even though i need to focus on my school work instead of this....

Comments

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Thursday 12 February 2009 4:37

AWESOME. made me laugh even though i need to focus on my school work instead of this....

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Thursday 12 February 2009 7:12

Boo fucking hoo. Why does everyone feel entitled to having their feelings returned? At least he wasn't an ass about rejecting you.

Send a private message

Sunday 13 May 2012 4:45

You're right! I shouldn't feel that way.

suyci 0

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Thursday 12 February 2009 9:54

at least he is being fair ;)

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Thursday 12 February 2009 12:06

I like how you did this via text. Thats part of your problem

blinkingstarlet 15

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Friday 18 November 2011 22:58

texting your feelings to someone allows you to be honest without having the threat of face-to-face rejection. and it allows you to plan exactly what you're going to say to them without running the risk of getting nervous and blurting anything out.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 February 2009 19:33

you want honesty, guy gives you honesty.....then you whine about how that sucks and you want your sugar coated world back. Have fun with that.

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Thursday 12 February 2009 22:32

at least he sounds smart hahaha

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Friday 13 February 2009 0:11

LOL This guy is awesome.

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Friday 13 February 2009 9:24

Don't text it next time. So he can actually tell you what he thinks about it. Texts are horrible at conveying emotion.

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Thursday 19 February 2009 4:21

At least he broke it to you gently, instead of "get away from me, bitch" or something. And I agree with the others: texting is the worst way to ask someone out. You just can't take them seriously.

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Thursday 26 February 2009 7:47

lol I agree with almost all of these, but yea I think that #1 and #2 were exactly how I'm feeling! And don't sweat it, at least he didn't say "ohh wow yea I got my eye on this other chick".....

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 78

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 87