Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I've been dating. I dropped her off and she finally asked me if I wanted to come in. When I did, she asked me to change a light bulb in her kitchen, and then promptly sent me home. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML
Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
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Top comments
AH1Zviper 15
That was pretty shelfish in my opinion.
eaglerob 20
That's your future wife right there; embrace the chaos
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Comments (116)
fatalfacefart 4
At first I thought you said "watch her hang her self"
nataliewby 25
Seems like she's only thinking about hershelf.
alex_622 22
She should've at least given you a little something. Now you have to take care of yourself
schwaka 17
Maybe he never comes around unless he thinks he's getting some, who knows lol. Most guys are used to taking care of things themselves so it's just a disappointment. xD
metalman746 5
Thats just wrong on so many levels. Maybe you should send her a pic of the sex and the city movie to get her to come over then instead have her make you a sandwich or do your laundry. That'll show her...
alex_622 22
Yes, because all girls love Sex and the City....
njgohard 16
Well played, ma'am, well played indeed.
julianbozikovic 20
Make a move, man! You don't know until you try!
laden_swallow09 35
Don't know what? It says she – his girlfriend, meaning they're already in a relationship together – sent him home, which makes me think that she unceremoniously dismissed him without any kind of hint of sexytime, either soon after or later. Even if she were open to the idea, it's too late for that kind of advice now, innit?
Flaming_Pandas 15
That's so wrong of her to deceive you (for lack of a better word) like that. Next time she wants you to do something for her, she should just ask.
Calingaladha 21
It seems that now you'll have to sate your sexual desires all by your shelf.
Psychicgirl17 18
she baited you with those pictures and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Zebediabolical 45
And after OP probably went home to become a master baiter.
annarcheer 19
I wouldn't have done it..