Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I've been dating. I dropped her off and she finally asked me if I wanted to come in. When I did, she asked me to change a light bulb in her kitchen, and then promptly sent me home. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML
Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AH1Zviper 15
That was pretty shelfish in my opinion.
eaglerob 20
That's your future wife right there; embrace the chaos
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
ostfaiz 18
FYL Op coz she is having extra managerial qualities!!!
mikaellikestacos 14
Still got sexy pics
sempisaviour 17
FYL. She gave you the wrong idea eh?
Omniprism 15
It's funny cause I would never think to flaunt my feminine wiles to get a man to do something, I just ******* ask. Tell her next time don't be so misleading and just ask.
schwaka 17
Some women can't express anything. My 7 year marriage failed partly because my ex wife tried to hint and waited for me to read her mind instead of opening her mouth and speaking. I was horrible at taking hints when I met her, and I always will be. She chose to open her mouth to her new boyfriend during our divorce instead of saying something to me, where it actually would have made a difference.
xikiri 1
Sounds like a manipulator, dude. Ditch the bitch.
mellyski 25
Trickster of a wee lady isn't she. Send her photos of a bouquet of flowers and romantic candles, ask her to come over. Then get her to cook you dinner while you watch a game, be sure to fart a lot too
StarkWolf_fml 23
that was just cold as the ice bucket challenge lol
worldclassrager 41
That's one way to get things accomplished
RedPillSucks 33
You both deserve it. Her for using sex to manipulate you, and you for being so easily manipulated. Perhaps if you had a better more wholesome relationship she would just come out and ask for assistance instead of manipulate.
askullnamedbilly 33
Easily manipulated? If someone I was going out with sent me sexy pictures and asked me to come over, I'd assume I was getting laid too. Since, you know, that's usually what happens in that kind of situation. I'm sure he won't fall for it again, but you can't fault him for not immediately assuming his partner was trying to trick him into doing housework.
pessimistprime 4
Next time she asks you to do something, say,"Only for a *******." Dont keep saying it after that one time, though. She'll probably leave you.