Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's been 2 weeks since I took my girlfriend to meet my friends, and they made her play a drinking game. A question she had to answer was about me and how she liked my hygiene, because her ex had terrible hygiene and never wiped his ass. Today she dumped me for him, so now to my friends I'm the guy who is lower than the skidmarks guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like, "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML
Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry… The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML
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Top comments
DLBL 23
Who was asking about your wiping habits?
Yudith 28
The showering and changing clothes is normal, but the butt washing with soap after every poo is too much. You could just use a bidet or a watering can like a normal Muslim.
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Comments (5)
Yudith 28
The showering and changing clothes is normal, but the butt washing with soap after every poo is too much. You could just use a bidet or a watering can like a normal Muslim.
Hangryko 32
Why won't you wipe after you poop? I wipe and wash afterwards.
DLBL 23
Who was asking about your wiping habits?
Emperor Nerú 3
Wipe then wash with soaping water it is more thorough then of course dry. Some people are ******* disgusting thinking wiping is just enough what pigs!!!
Yup2016 4
You could... Just not talk about your bathroom habits?