Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
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Top comments
GrooveTurtle 0
... -face palm-
zombicidal 11
flaccid sex? the ****?
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Comments (483)
xgetxbentx 13
Yeah, don't take her virginity anytime soon, she's clearly not had enough sex education if she thinks that would work.
Greendaycheese 12
..What a dumbass xD
EandL_fml 2
I hope the two of you are very good looking people because you both sound too dumb to get through life. either that or you are too dumb to realize she doesn't want to have sex with you
Fortitudine 3
She's trying to say no.... Duh
naztyskidded 0
If she wants flaccid penis so u wont hurt her pussy, tell her "then try suckin it. Its wont hurt at all..." hahaha!
richieflow 3
Put it in her pooper lol :o
sabrinamarie3 15
Oh the love of Horny men...
xytha 6
Do you kids know how sex works?...
caysters 12
First of all, she's obviously not ready if she's too worried about it hurting. Second, there are things out there to help make it hurt less. For example, condoms with numbing lube (on the outside op) so that it doesn't hurt as bad. Also, lube lube lube! You use enough, and it wont hurt that bad. Lastly, if she's athletic enough, she may have already broken her hymen. This will make it less painful as well. Sit down and talk it out an see if maybe a numbing lube that first time will be a possibility.
totallydonteven 5
First, let me agree with all the people saying she's not ready. She is clearly not. Second, just have to say that it really bugs me that people use terms such as "taking a girl's virginity" like her virginity is some prize to be won. Feminist wise, it gives the woman a very passive role in the arrangement and that's just right. Things like "taking your virginity" or "losing your virginity" need to be tossed out of our vocabulary and replaced with things such as "the first time I had sex" or "I chose to have sex" or any number of options that don't shame females. This will also take women from a passive role in sex to a more active, equal role that they truly deserve. Anyone who wants to argue that this is ridiculous, well, all I have to say to you is COME AT ME.
totallydonteven 5
just *not* right. (am on my phone app, didn't catch that)