Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while...

By Anonymous - 21/02/2012 19:17 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 877

You deserved it 6 404

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Same thing different taste

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 505

You deserved it 8 045

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 658

You deserved it 32 085

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 998

You deserved it 3 587

By Photagrapher - 18/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 17 805

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 475

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 177

You deserved it 1 287

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 509

You deserved it 9 872

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 719

You deserved it 17 091

By HotACE - 22/04/2011 05:08

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 998

You deserved it 22 747

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 7 758

GrooveTurtle 0

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:17

... -face palm-

zombicidal 11

Wednesday 22 February 2012 0:19

flaccid sex? the ****?

Comments

ItsThisGirl 17

Thursday 23 February 2012 2:36

how dumb…

Anarch99 0

Thursday 23 February 2012 3:17

and how good sir do you plan to do that TROLOLOLOL

John_Cards 2

Thursday 23 February 2012 3:28

I'm sorry but she needs to learn about how sex works...

jad07 0

Thursday 23 February 2012 4:56

Lay her down face down that way she can't see

ComeAtMeBroXP 0

Thursday 23 February 2012 4:56

she's to young for you bro... smh

onanymouse 1

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:15

How ever do all of the normal people lose their virginity?

sp4ksu_fml 4

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:19

Take her to pound town!!!

lologirl79 0

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:33

You understand that it doesn't work like that, right?

Grouse 5

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:40

Anybody else gonna tell her things don't work that way?

tattooedcowboy 6

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:43

I am willing to teach her

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Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 893

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Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

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Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 876

You deserved it 4 703

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

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You deserved it 4 192

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 256

You deserved it 27 641

Today, after going to the clinic for my hormone therapy, I decided to go to the mall. I went into the ladies' room to pee, and I heard a guy asking if there was anyone in there who shouldn't be. Yeah, someone called security on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 1 264