This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 19:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
I agree, your life sucks 14 533
You deserved it 175 482

Top comments

That's what u get for being a cheating Douche Bag!!

I hope she sends someone to kick your ass. I hate cheating douchebags like you.


That's what u get for being a cheating Douche Bag!!

OP your a dumbass and a cheating douche. I hope the wrong person finds that list and gives you what you deserve..

LiyIa_fml 8

Simply making such a list already qualifies OP as a douche bag in my book, the cheating just tops it off...

FMLshark 12

There's nothing I hate more than cheaters. To make matters worse, you keep a ******* rated list? I hope your girlfriend leaves you and gets tested ASAP. The only thing you're good at is spreading multitudes of diseases we're trying to get rid of.

19- that may just be the most redundant thing I've seen/heard all day... I've never once heard someone go,"He cheated on his last girlfriend? That's such an attractive quality."

jackovasaur 1

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Yes it does. It says she is not last on the list meaning there have been others after her. He didn't say EX girlfriend so that means ... He cheated.

jackovasaur 1

84 Do you know what chronological means? It means by order of time, if his Girlfriend is not last on a list ordered by time.... well....

#84: Chronological Order: the arrangement of things following one after another in time Which means he slept with other women AFTER he slept with his girlfriend.

MindFreakazoid 10

1 - OP's a douchenozzle. Or a douchpickle. You choose!

FirebirdF350 7

I'm not sure how likely this is so I'm just saying, maybe they dated once, broke up, and got back together at a later date?

Are you stupid? His Gf is NOT last on the list! He said they're In CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER meaning he's slept with someone after his Gf! Moron.

Who said he cheated, maybe he had sex with them before they were dating

91 & 93 - he already said he read it wrong ****** relax.

But she probably is the only human on the list.

She wasn't the last one on the list...he has slept with people after her. That means he is a cheating douche bag and he'll probably die alone with a half rotted dick like he deserves.

i read this fml in the 'moderafe' section, it also said that her mum was both.

Mommyof2_91 10

Anyone els think this sounds like something off American pie?.... No?..... Ok I'll shut up :3

rikitsumiatsu 11

Like 151 said its not likely it happened but if it did and they broke up and he slept with somebody else and then got back together why would he put her back on the list if she's already there. It doesn't have to just mean he cheated

Psych101 9

291- I don't know what you're getting thumbed down for, I was thinking the exact same thing. One of the adult Stiflers had a list in chronological order and his wife wasn't the name on it. His son was surprised as well when he found out.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping records of that but the ratings are a little much. Cheating is deplorable, though, and you'll get no sympathy for her having found out about something she had a right to know anyway.

Me too! Beta house! ******* love that movie!

FirebirdF350 7

152, calm down, my point was why would he list her twice, I once dated a girl in high school 5 different times, with a different girl between a few of the instances, why would I list that girl 5 times instead of just the first?

FirebirdF350 7

195- that's all I was trying to say, thank you for not being a total nazi about it,

The way the FML was worded very strongly implies cheating.

Blaqkeyeliner 6

I hope his (ex)girlfriend makes a copy of that list and post it on Facebook for the world to see. He needs to be exposed for being a cheater.

Yeah 18 you doesn't you typing "your a dumbass" mean you are a dumbass. I'm only a grammar Nazi when someone misspells while Insulting someone and it makes me want to punch people like that in the face.

OP you mean one of your girlfriends. Since you have a list of them, why are you upset over it? If you truly cared about her you wouldn't be a cheating bastard!

Anybody else think of Barney Stinson while reading this FML?

Jeffers123 5

18- didn't the wrong person already find it?

Why can't people stick with one person. They get all the sex they want, but sometimes you can't just have sex all the time, but it doesn't mean you go cheat either.

Douche (n.): word used to describe a brainless individual with the terrible mix of a huge ego and pure stupidity i.e. OP

Fireashes250 16

Damn 1# you have more than 1500 likes on your comment.

376- Then everybody would know how "good" said females are I think this information is a little temperamental, the wrong people could see it (and it's Facebook so everybody will) and besides that, it would probably humiliate all those girls. It's really not something that needs to be made public and nothing good would come of it :)

I hope she put u in the hospital... What an ass hole!

I hope she sends someone to kick your ass. I hate cheating douchebags like you.

Lindahhxd 7

People like OP need to be slapped by Thor's hammer.

linkinpark98 23

Did this guy actually expect sympathy for cheating and getting found out?

SomeRussianGirl 3

YDI 100% it's FHL not yours.

69 - That's a fate worse than death O.o

CCDNRGD81411 3

Op reminds me of when i was in high school there would be a select few guys that would date girls for the sole purpose of sex and a week later they would be with a new girl. I hated guys like that and being a nice guy i didn't befriend them as myself, and they were none alike, op your a ******* turd and people like you make it a process for someone like myself to show a hurt girl not all guys are inconceivable douchebags

Send someone? Hell, I hope she kicks his ass in person. I would.

I don't think he was cheating, sounds like he just has a little memoir of his sexual partners. Still ridiculously sad that he actually made a list and rated the women

238 - chronological meaning in order and his girlfriend is not last so he was having sex with other girls while they were dating....

anjapenis 5

Chronological means by date. If she's not at the top, and there are girls before her, he's ******* cheating.

Bam. Have this the 500th "thumbs up". Yeah cheating is a horrible thing. And who keeps a journal of that? Well I've got a journal of things but I keep that locked up safely. In my safe that no one has the key or combination for other then myself.

Bluedy 17

I don't know why but I read lick instead of kick XD

No kidding. OP is the reason why I don't like males.

crazyladydaisy 4

FYL for her finding it, FHL for wasting her time with you. Don't come on this site searching for a pity party when your the ass in the situation. If your not ready for commitment don't lead the girls on, not cool bro, not cool.

CheeseTron 15

The world would be so boring if there was no one to call a douché. So thanks, douché.

Let's hope this is the red flag that forces you to stop being such an arsehole and to make you try to act like a decent human being. Better late than never. Or you are going to have a very shitty life complete with tons of bad karma.

Does anyone else think this guy might be a troll? I mean it sounds pretty realistic but he couldn't really be stupid enough to think he was gonna get sympathy could he? Its just a theory.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Well he is good at organizing so that's a plus. Though he isn't the brightest light bulb in the pack..

I don't buy my bulbs in packs. I also use CFL's.

Inheritance 10

I don't even see why he posted this on FML. He's just making himself look like a douche bag and asshole! If anything this is definitely a YDI!

He might not have cheated on her, the list could have been from before he met her

She wouldn't be on the list (which she was) then. Actually read

You're a horrible person. Go do your girlfriend a favor and kick yourself in the balls.

Psych101 9

After reading this comment, I was curious and attempted to see if it is possible to kick myself in the balls. Results: No, but it is possible to sit on them when you're sitting back down.

54- I tried, and succeeded in doing it. I don't think I'm going to have kids.

I think this would be doing all women a favor, not just his (hopefully ex)girlfriend.

Does this sound suspiciously like a Jimmy Carr joke to anyone else?

Maria_Obligacia 14

Psych 101, I salute your dedication to the quest for knowledge.

Sounds more like a "**** her life". I hope she dumped you.

Hey, congratulations on being single again! I love when stories like these get published. It reminds me that just by the law of averages, for every worthless waste of skin like you, there's a good person out there somewhere.

Wow that just gave me a very positive outlook on life.

That's exactly what I was thinking. "Oh, F your life, OP"? YTDI

ilovedramahehe 7

It's more like f*** her life for having a cheating douche of a boyfriend