Health: Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 101

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 105

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 41

26/10/2010 20:34

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 346

You deserved it 2 693

Another great day to be alive

Sorry…

Late term

13/02/2009 14:45

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 364

You deserved it 7 850

02/07/2016 23:27

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 266

You deserved it 3 243

Power in Christ

By Sinnersinner - 21/09/2014 11:27

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 816

You deserved it 7 563

13/01/2009 20:54

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 331

You deserved it 1 942

09/09/2011 23:18

Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 237

You deserved it 6 860

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 067

You deserved it 9 712

What did I do?

By Ryan McArdle - 25/01/2021 10:58

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 92

09/05/2011 04:37

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 789

You deserved it 6 291

30/12/2015 05:55

Spicy

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 355

You deserved it 3 781

20/06/2010 04:11

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 888

You deserved it 32 490

01/12/2012 10:00

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 705

You deserved it 2 000

01/04/2014 17:07

Today, disappointed with my results on a mathematics test, I went over it and realized my teacher had added up the marks incorrectly, leaving me with 17% less than I earned. The person who's supposed to be teaching me math can't even perform basic arithmetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 221

You deserved it 4 082

05/02/2009 22:29

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 536

You deserved it 3 156

Been around the world and I, I, I, I can't find my luggage

By 1942ford - 23/07/2013 02:18

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 117

You deserved it 3 808

02/05/2017 09:00

Today, my dad came to take pictures of me at my track meet. When looking back at the photos, I noticed most of them were zoomed in shots of the girls' butts in their spandex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 870

You deserved it 411

17/01/2009 13:15

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend, when she walked ahead of me cat-walk style, turned around and said, "Do you think I could model?" I blurted out, "Yes... for a plus-size clothing line." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 034

You deserved it 55 592

10/09/2014 20:15

Today, I took my daughter out driving to practice for her road test. I told her to make a left into a parking lot. She missed the 30 foot wide entrance, but not the two foot wide tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 767

You deserved it 4 031

21/09/2016 14:09

Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 681

You deserved it 763

06/11/2011 08:21

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 691

You deserved it 4 615

16/10/2010 05:50

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 793

You deserved it 6 123

Monday morning sucks

By Linds - 28/06/2021 14:01

Today, I came home to find that maggots had taken over my garbage can this weekend. We weren't home to catch it, and I didn't use the garbage this morning. On top of that, I hadn't had my caffeine for the day because I ran out and forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 242

Seagull on wheels

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 17:01

Today, I found out the hard way what it feels like to have a seagull poo on your face while cycling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 126

20/12/2011 17:16

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 617

You deserved it 5 556

Cold-blooded old times

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, going through my dead grandma's papers, we found old faded photos. I showed them to my mum, who screamed in shock. They were grandma and granddad's erotic photos from about seventy years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 344

19/10/2009 05:34

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 405

You deserved it 2 992

Take a number

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 00:01

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 252

15/03/2010 05:41

Spicy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 516

You deserved it 5 035

03/06/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with. She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 133

You deserved it 1 462

Don't touch my stuff

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 08:02

Today, I found out where all my favourite things have been disappearing to: the garbage bin, one item at a time, courtesy of my girlfriend, who it seems wants me in a suit reading the Financial Times on a Saturday, instead of my favourite Jedi dressing gown reading Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 602

08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 205

You deserved it 838

13/03/2019 12:00

Today, my ex of 5 years got engaged after 5 months of us "taking a break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 294

16/11/2011 03:17

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 396

You deserved it 33 754

Management 101

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 58

03/04/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 458

You deserved it 356

10/01/2012 05:25

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 375

You deserved it 2 469

28/08/2017 07:00

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 342

28/05/2016 05:23

Spicy

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 400

You deserved it 4 038

09/12/2011 05:22

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 047

You deserved it 2 696

Poor little guy

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 14:01

Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 129

26/06/2009 17:23

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 462

You deserved it 9 934

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:08

To tell the tooth, the dentist should probably brush up on proper procedure, since he should have known the anesthesia would wear off. He should definitely know the drill by now.

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:08

Did you fall asleep? If so: when you woke up, did your bra feel out of place?

Comments

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:08

Did you fall asleep? If so: when you woke up, did your bra feel out of place?

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 1:20

lol win

otheblodygoresux 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 1:28

Haha now that's funny!

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 2:11

lol WTF

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 2:52

what if it was a guy?!?

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 2:53

It says that OP is a woman.

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 4:38

If it was a guy then the bra would be out of place.

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Thursday 12 May 2011 3:57

lol you win sir! ^^

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:08

To tell the tooth, the dentist should probably brush up on proper procedure, since he should have known the anesthesia would wear off. He should definitely know the drill by now.

pronounciations 5

Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:11

I'm at a floss for words

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:30

Oh my god that is a horrible pun... God is crying tears of pain and sorrow right now. Ragnarok is nearly upon us now....

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 1:33

This comment had no bite, and it made no impression on me. I would definitely not ask for maw. Go ahead- try to flame me. I'll come and denture car.

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 1:42

There's a cavity in your logic, my good sir. I don't have a car.

Siji 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 1:58

I lol'd at this conversation. Thank you people for the laugh :)

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 3:45

ha ha ha

jellybeans4833 7

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 8:01

what's a pun?! .. never got what they were -.-

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 8:27

I found all of these puns quite funny, keep up the good work DrAwesome, always a pleasure to read your comments.

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 14:47

Since the doc operated on OP without her having anesthesia, OP can probably sue for malpractice

stolencrackers 1

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 16:54

They can't be sued for malpractice. They completed the job, it was just painful but unless he damaged her gums or other teeth, there's nothing illegal with what he did minus be a little forgetful.

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Friday 29 October 2010 1:30

was he your actual dentist? or was their a replacement just filling in?

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Sunday 31 October 2010 9:18

OH MY GAWD I JUST GOT THAT ONE.

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:09

haha that REALLY sux.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:09

Did the dentist keep asking "Is it safe" while he worked on you?

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:11

Yet another funny comment from perdix. Good show!

perdix 29

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 5:56

Thank you for noticing. When I wrote this, I thought anyone who catches the reference will really enjoy it. I am happy that you did.

Elixa 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 17:46

I don't get it, please explain. Unless it ruins your joke, if it ruins it. that's ok, not explain.

Elixa 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 17:48

*don't

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:11

ummm ouch!!!

DevianceIsBliss 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:12

Suck it up and take it like a man. Or woman, if you prefer.

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Thursday 28 October 2010 3:52

I did it withought the numbing thing when I was little. I have the balls :)

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Friday 29 October 2010 1:32

they did it in Jackass 3. he was freaking out lawl

Selena_is_back 7

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:13

el oh el

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 6:36

oh em jee

yag00 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 7:42

Hello there ;)

insertusernamehe_fml 0

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 14:51

are you retarded?

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:15

Should have asked for more anesthetic, you spaz! :P

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 5:09

I know right!?

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 9:03

hey

megaanlovesmusic 1

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:20

i hate the dentist :|

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 0:22

ahh sux to be yu! :P