Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML
Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck. I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML
Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML
Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML
Today, I discovered that I am going to the store, buying junk food, and eating it almost every night… entirely in my sleep. So much for being healthy and not dying in my forties. FML
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Top comments
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
damn. you might just want to give up and listen to your sub conscious. sounds like it's winning anyways...
badbe 0
haha you poor thing
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Comments (80)
hxc4god 0
diets are stupid.. all you have to really do exercise and portion control.. u could eat shit all day and not gain a single pound if u exercised properly.. input over output stays put... in other words, u eat more than u burn, you will gain weight. simple
catatonicsleep 17
Weight loss is 20% exercise 80% balanced diet. So no you cant eat crap all day as long as you exercise. Muscle building exercise is best as it burns for longer after you finish than cardio will.
5t3ff1k4h 47
I agree with the OP of this thread... it's just a matter of input vs output. I ate like crap for a while (since I had no money and there was nothing good in the house) and didn't gain weight. Mind you, I was calorie counting which isn't good in itself, but eating crap food all day isn't going to make you gain weight if you're watching how much you're taking in vs how much you burn. With all that said, it's not healthy to eat like that; I knew that then, and I know that now. I also realize that not everyone is going to react the same way I did (i.e. not gain weight)... and no, my metabolism isn't great. I gain weight just by looking at food if I'm inactive. I'm not sure of which ones, but I'm sure there are a few vitamins which aid weight loss.
Michele2luv 8
when someone looks like you I suppose you wld think diets are stupid lol
Suadmonkey 0
metabolism? duh.
candie266 3
lol fat self .
penguinazul 13
I had an overweight friend who had this eating/sleeping disorder; every time she tried to diet, it never worked because whatever weight she lost would get put right back on (and then some) because she's a sleep-eater. I don't know if they've done anything about it since we were in high school, but it doesn't look like they've done much because her Facebook shows that she's just as big now as she was in high school. But it's true -- get a sleep test done and put a lock on your fridge so this won't happen anymore.
Foxy_On_Fire 21
I do that so I don't diet anymore I just exercise
cheer4ever96 8
wow...try eating in moderations and workout and those sleepwalk raiding the fridge won't be a huge weight gain issue.
givemechange 0
@ 39 : Try constructing a legible sentence before you start dolling out the life advise.
5t3ff1k4h 47
I thought the word was 'doling', not 'dolling'. But either way you do make a good point.
Cinn_fml 23
Isn't the word also technically 'advice' in this case, as that's the noun.
girlychic 0
sry that sux but its rly funny!
mandypandypants 4
By any chance is your name Dale or Brennen? Because this seems like something off of step brothers.
esu 5
I'd hate to share a room with you
helloello 2
NEVER wake up a sleepwalker!! Have you seen Stepbrothers?
Andrea87_fml 3
lol sure.... blame on sleep walking