Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML
Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck. I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML
Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML
Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML
Today, I discovered that I am going to the store, buying junk food, and eating it almost every night… entirely in my sleep. So much for being healthy and not dying in my forties. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
damn. you might just want to give up and listen to your sub conscious. sounds like it's winning anyways...
badbe 0
haha you poor thing
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (80)
techweed 12
that's awesome I wish I could do that
Jasper8713 2
This actually isn't overly uncommon.
KareBear7364 5
Haha hilarious. But, you seem like you have somewhat of a humor about this. Good luck!
greeneyes70 0
are you taking Ambien?
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Good to know the family dogs are part of the intervention. Stop smoking so much reefer before bedtime.
Angio113 10
hahaha, love this. :)
marilynmanson646 0
suck it up
ImaginaryFoe 1
I agree with the 'not going to bed hungry' part. If you are feeling deprived, you're less likely to maintain healthier eating habits even when you're awake. It's also a good idea not to have diet unfriendly foods in the house or put a combination lock on the fridge/pantry.
sourgirl101 29
I always use the expression "no rest for the wicked" just like the OP. I haven't had a good night sleep in years! And agree with #17. I've heard "Ambien" causes a lot of people to sleepwalk. I was too afraid of all the side effects to take it myself.
SteelCladAngel 0
have you tried herbal sleep aids my husband has trouble sleeping and takes 'sleep and restore' which helps valerian is a natural sleep aid melatonin is another good one melatonin is a chemical peoples bodies naturally produce to help us sleep and obviously some don't produce enough which causes sleeplessness
SteelCladAngel 0
have you tried herbal sleep aids my husband has trouble sleeping and takes 'sleep and restore' which helps valerian is a natural sleep aid melatonin is another good one melatonin is a chemical peoples bodies naturally produce to help us sleep and obviously some don't produce enough which causes sleeplessness
sourgirl101 29
I've tried a few teas but usually just stay up cleaning my house without the T.V. on. I just restarted my exercise routine that first gives me a boost of energy and then I unwind quickly after. I'll definitely look into your advice! Thanks!(:
Livinia 11
Lock your door at night?
sunshine_today23 0
this sounds false... the people watching would have taken away the ice cream as it started to melt, or woken you up as soon as they knew you were back to sleep. no one would watch as you went to sleep in ice cream while it melted.
givemechange 0
It said that she woke up in a puddle of melted ice cream. It never once mentioned the ice cream container still being there when she woke up. I'm betting it's true. Lot's of people have sleep disorders, and if she already sleep walks, which she stated she did, I'm guessing it isn't that big of a step for her to start eating in her sleep. Some people are just weird sleepers.
grizzly260 0
Ice cream was probably melted before they woke up.