Miscellaneous: Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper...

By Username - 23/12/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 3 009

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Good kid

Run, run away pronto

By jeezy - 23/02/2009 10:35 - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 235

You deserved it 3 275

By jessiegirl - 22/08/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 6 451

By Anonymous - 21/04/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 288

You deserved it 2 901

By bsulyingb - 24/11/2013 19:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 507

You deserved it 2 972

By aishahahaha_ - 19/06/2016 00:34 - Zambia - Lusaka

Today, I walked in on my sister and a few of my roommates planning a surprise party for a fellow roommate whose birthday is a week away. My birthday was yesterday. No one remembered. Not even my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 722

You deserved it 759

By ggbhghggg - 18/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 42 488

By dollabill009 - 06/06/2013 08:49 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 199

You deserved it 8 525

By FML - 24/12/2011 01:32 - Sweden

Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 5 045

By Stevie - 17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 493

You deserved it 612

By Hi, I'm Heather - 01/10/2014 02:05 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 039

You deserved it 2 865

By sninapeters - 22/12/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 446

You deserved it 36 960

By holyshitsnacks - 18/03/2014 22:53 - Canada - Woodstock

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 436

You deserved it 7 812

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

By Scoopie - 15/03/2017 14:00

Today, my job offer from 2 weeks ago was rescinded. My "new boss" didn't like my last performance review. I'd spent 30 hours preparing a case study for the second interview. He wants me to be a "standup guy" and withdraw my application voluntarily, so HR doesn't have to get involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 198

You deserved it 329

By pyrosythan - 20/07/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's dad chased me with a baseball bat because he found a pair of my boxers in her room. They were not there because I left them there, they were there because she stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 266

You deserved it 3 136

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 16:36 - Finland - Vammala

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 896

You deserved it 2 341

By AdamFoundHisEve - 25/05/2010 19:08 - France

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 629

You deserved it 7 548

By ;_; - 19/12/2013 22:13 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 838

You deserved it 4 325

By nipman - 25/04/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 122

You deserved it 3 842

By Anonymous - 11/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 215

By she won't see a therapist - 23/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 457

You deserved it 1 470

By Sickie. - 02/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 265

You deserved it 59 855

By matish - 20/09/2018 13:30

Today, despite having long hair and wearing makeup and a dress, I was still mistaken for a man several times. I'm a girl and I was born a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 938

You deserved it 186

Weirded out

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend told me she is breaking up with me for my friend, because she likes people with diaper fetishes. I had no clue either of them liked that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 09:17

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 801

You deserved it 11 769

By MedChew - 08/05/2015 12:46 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 516

You deserved it 2 130

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I make less money than the temps at my job by over 2 dollars an hour. I've been working there the longest and do 75% of the job myself. I was told, "We'll think about it" when talking to upper management about getting equal pay or close to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 16:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 71 539

By Stevski - 11/09/2012 15:08 - Australia - Port Macquarie

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 3 994

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 23:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 946

You deserved it 3 440

Great parenting

By not my responsibility - 05/10/2021 07:59

Today, my sister is upset that I won’t upturn my entire life by letting her kids stay at my house 4-5 days a week. She decided to move in with her boyfriend after one month, before even introducing him to her kids. Now he’s decided he doesn’t like the kids, so she wants me to keep them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 17:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 725

You deserved it 2 609

By xerrika - 03/06/2014 11:56 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 695

You deserved it 8 907

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 20:00

Today, my mom borrowed my computer without my permission and downloaded a virus. I came home to a blue screen of death. She refuses to admit fault and pay for a new computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 994

You deserved it 405

By anonymous - 19/07/2014 04:43 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 041

You deserved it 4 189

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 06:49 - United States

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 960

You deserved it 8 847

Get that pup out of there!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend is so stubborn, she refuses to admit she hates the dog she insisted she had to have 6 months ago. I also hate dogs, so I told her everything dog-related was her problem, especially the pee/poop. Everyone knows she hates the dog but she still refuses to rehome it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 308

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 384

You deserved it 5 873

By loser. - 20/03/2010 06:23 - Canada

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 535

You deserved it 5 473

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 217

By penguinsfan - 16/05/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 085

You deserved it 53 701

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Top comments

Sopa2010 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

His chest must be scary

DahkLohd 4

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

Badass dad you've got there.

Sopa2010 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

His chest must be scary

ScreamAimFire 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:44

maybe he had lady gaga man boobs and he was ready to start a show!

fakeaccountX 6

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:59

At least it wasn't your GRANDdad!

Florence_ 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 20:57

Is Davy Jones OP's father?

summersizzle 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 21:18

Gibby!!!!!!

WishResign 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 0:54

46 haha that fat kid is crazy OP your dad would have been an auto-tune-bound hit on YouTube. YDI for not recording it proudly & making millions from it from all the annoying ads that you could put on it. Then disowning your father after making enough to move out. He gave you a golden opportunity.

jewban 3

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Friday 24 December 2010 7:17

hmm it sounds like something Steven from the 'greatest freakout ever' videos would do.

TurboTalon 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 12:15

Hulk Hogan

ShadyFTW1 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 22:44

Is there any chance you are Carrie Heffernan and your father is Arthur Spooner?

Sopa2010 0

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Saturday 25 December 2010 15:28

I'm Peter Chao chao outside, mudafuckaaaa

Filipwnage 0

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Sunday 26 December 2010 16:50

92, Umm, I don't think Peter Chao says that... He says "Chao sign mothuh fuckuhh"

DahkLohd 4

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

Badass dad you've got there.

xXDubbleChic 11

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Thursday 23 December 2010 20:59

agreed

Daileyyy 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 0:18

agreed with 2.

emodude44 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 4:02

Voldy be speaking da TRUTH

riseagainst8767x 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 8:18

xXdoublechic-is it just me or did you draw a stick-man on your tongue?

Dillon000 3

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Friday 24 December 2010 11:32

dahklohds pic always brings a smile to my face :]

smlz4me 1

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Saturday 23 April 2011 1:35

agreed!! I Harry Potter addict

guitarbeast 22

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Friday 9 March 2012 5:08

Haha such a will ferrel move

iampunk 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

That's reasonable.

supertacowaffle 41

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Monday 28 February 2011 22:33

Canadians...

Roxanne090 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 0:34

Americans

dlrowehtkcuf 7

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Saturday 13 August 2011 5:28

Humans

mikejunior88 4

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

lmfao

amerwin 3

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:07

I guess that's the modern form of a glove-slap.

Fentown_fml 4

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Thursday 23 December 2010 21:35

We've come a long way.

hairt 4

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

too hot to handle hahaha

Angio113 10

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

Wow. that made my day, that's hilarious! XD Sorry about the embarrassing dad though.

someunluckyman 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

theres nothing more intimidating than a screaming shirtless man.

hardboard82 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 22:28

Or a Sasquatch...

perdix 29

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:10

Nothing says "Fuck you" like the sudden emergence of hairy manboobs!

iknowimawesome 13

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Friday 24 December 2010 4:38

This literally made me LOL.

Xylus 0

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Friday 24 December 2010 10:09

.......Awesome.....

TylerOMFG 7

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Saturday 22 October 2011 23:25

Very great comment almighty Perdix.

blo0_starZz 0

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Thursday 23 December 2010 19:12

Your dad. He's awesome. Chyeahh. Trade? :D

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 278

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 171

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

Weirded out

Seize the means

Great parenting

Get that pup out of there!

Nasty

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