Miscellaneous: Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper...

By Username - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

And today, on Dr Phil…

Booty pic

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

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By acnegirl - United States

Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML

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51656

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

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53358

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By oopsydaisy - United States - Decatur

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

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6663

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By Depressed - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

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41988

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By Anonymous - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

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24287

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my grandmother. Turns out my father found out about my elopement with my husband through my stepmother, because someone she works with told her. We were planning on it being a surprise, and telling people on Christmas. My father won't even talk to me now. FML

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By logic - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

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22212

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By MommaAnnie - United States - Overland Park

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

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50554

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

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33443

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By fuck yuo - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

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21459

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By Jon - United States

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

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13599

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By MID12 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

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117378

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By failedfather - Australia - Ferntree Gully

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

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41223

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By Farah - Bangladesh

Today, I e-mailed an employer to ask about a job I had applied for earlier. The employer in question was on vacation. The person who replied had the position which I had applied for mentioned in their signature. FML

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10787

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By mike4444 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

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13620

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By sydthekid2000

Remember me?

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1236

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

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55758

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

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33911

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By aineroo - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

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33575

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By That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - United States

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

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49196

You deserved it

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By shaft2112 - Germany - Emsdetten

Today, I was walking on my crutches towards the bus through the rain. The bus driver looked into my eyes, punching the button to close the doors while I was still a few meters away. As he drove off, he kept his eyes on me, while I had to wait for another 15 minutes for the next bus in the rain. FML

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23348

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

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55847

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By wrongman

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

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2566

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By workhoe - United States

Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML

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7880

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By 5minsolder - United States

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

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41286

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

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11597

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By Anonymous - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

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30011

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2021 23:01

Private Catholic school?

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

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847

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

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41481

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By sophiae123 - United States - Cadillac

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

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34349

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By Anonymous

How nice of them.

Today, I learned what my office nickname means. My nickname? Butterface. FML

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1681

You deserved it

192

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14454

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By whythebunny - United States - Bastrop

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23633

You deserved it

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By notmyday - United States

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

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69905

You deserved it

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By AnhHung123 - 20/12/2020 16:58

Proper banter

Today, I was on a chat site and a couple of cute guys asked for my "ASL". I had no idea what that meant so I asked one of my cousins. He said it meant "asshole" and that they were calling me an asshole. So I cursed at everyone who was actually asking for my "age, sex and location." FML

I agree, your life sucks

286

You deserved it

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By Geese Ahoy - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10146

You deserved it

1059

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By dumped - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95727

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By Greenpuppy416 - 4/7/2020 05:02

Bad date #3764

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1709

You deserved it

126

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By Sleepy - United States - Apo

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

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27414

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Top comments

By Sopa2010 | 0

#1883733 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

His chest must be scary

By DahkLohd | 4

#1883736 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

Badass dad you've got there.

COMMENTS

By Sopa2010 | 0

#1883733 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

His chest must be scary

ScreamAimFire | 0

#1883964 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:44

maybe he had lady gaga man boobs and he was ready to start a show!

fakeaccountX | 6

#1884022 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:59

At least it wasn't your GRANDdad!

Florence_ | 0

#1884270 - Thursday 23 December 2010 20:57

Is Davy Jones OP's father?

summersizzle | 0

#1884316 - Thursday 23 December 2010 21:18

Gibby!!!!!!

WishResign | 0

#1884840 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:54

46 haha that fat kid is crazy

OP your dad would have been an auto-tune-bound hit on YouTube. YDI for not recording it proudly & making millions from it from all the annoying ads that you could put on it. Then disowning your father after making enough to move out. He gave you a golden opportunity.

jewban | 3

#1885202 - Friday 24 December 2010 7:17

hmm it sounds like something Steven from the 'greatest freakout ever' videos would do.

TurboTalon | 0

#1885938 - Friday 24 December 2010 12:15

Hulk Hogan

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1887568 - Friday 24 December 2010 22:44

Is there any chance you are Carrie Heffernan and your father is Arthur Spooner?

Sopa2010 | 0

#1890286 - Saturday 25 December 2010 15:28

I'm Peter Chao

chao outside, mudafuckaaaa

Filipwnage | 0

#1893299 - Sunday 26 December 2010 16:50

92, Umm, I don't think Peter Chao says that... He says "Chao sign mothuh fuckuhh"

By DahkLohd | 4

#1883736 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

Badass dad you've got there.

xXDubbleChic | 11

#1884279 - Thursday 23 December 2010 20:59

agreed

Daileyyy | 0

#1884714 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:18

agreed with 2.

emodude44 | 0

#1885016 - Friday 24 December 2010 4:02

Voldy be speaking da TRUTH

riseagainst8767x | 0

#1885305 - Friday 24 December 2010 8:18

xXdoublechic-is it just me or did you draw a stick-man on your tongue?

Dillon000 | 3

#1885809 - Friday 24 December 2010 11:32

dahklohds pic always brings a smile to my face :]

smlz4me | 1

#2390366 - Saturday 23 April 2011 1:35

agreed!! I Harry Potter addict

guitarbeast | 22

#4139722 - Friday 9 March 2012 5:08

Haha such a will ferrel move

By iampunk | 0

#1883742 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

That's reasonable.

supertacowaffle | 41

#2134342 - Monday 28 February 2011 22:33

Canadians...

Roxanne090 | 0

#2332975 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 0:34

Americans

dlrowehtkcuf | 7

#3098289 - Saturday 13 August 2011 5:28

Humans

By mikejunior88 | 4

#1883744 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

lmfao

By amerwin | 3

#1883749 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:07

I guess that's the modern form of a glove-slap.

Fentown_fml | 4

#1884368 - Thursday 23 December 2010 21:35

We've come a long way.

By hairt | 4

#1883769 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

too hot to handle hahaha

By Angio113 | 10

#1883773 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

Wow. that made my day, that's hilarious! XD Sorry about the embarrassing dad though.

By someunluckyman | 0

#1883776 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

theres nothing more intimidating than a screaming shirtless man.

hardboard82 | 0

#1884473 - Thursday 23 December 2010 22:28

Or a Sasquatch...

By perdix | 29

#1883780 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:10

Nothing says "Fuck you" like the sudden emergence of hairy manboobs!

iknowimawesome | 13

#1885045 - Friday 24 December 2010 4:38

This literally made me LOL.

Xylus | 0

#1885620 - Friday 24 December 2010 10:09

.......Awesome.....

TylerOMFG | 7

#3473327 - Saturday 22 October 2011 23:25

Very great comment almighty Perdix.

By blo0_starZz | 0

#1883791 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:12

Your dad.
He's awesome. Chyeahh.

Trade? :D