Miscellaneous: Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper...

By Username - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Instadrama

Child's play

By Anonymous

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

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41467

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was kicked out of my track team's locker room because the coach said there weren't enough lockers for everyone on the team. There are 74 lockers and only 52 girls on the team. FML

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32824

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By FUUUUCK - United Kingdom

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

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43381

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By Gen - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

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31447

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By Joe Lizen - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

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34063

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By mildlyconcussed - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

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25561

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By nemi - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

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27572

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By twiggy24 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

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8236

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By unknown - United States - Tulare

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

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57874

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By bopbop - United States

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML

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73713

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By Mxx - 12/3/2020 12:30 - United Kingdom

Marcel Duchamp would be proud

Today, I was looking through an old box of personal artwork when I realised the entire box was damp. This was all my own art from the past 3 years, smudged and smelling of cat urine. I was supposed to showcase some of it in a competition winning gallery this month. FML

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1468

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By Ouchithurt - United States

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

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49841

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By Hunterxx - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

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39613

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I decided I had gathered enough solid evidence to justify dumping my cheating girlfriend. When I turned up, she broke up with me before I had a chance to confront her. Why? Apparently I have trust issues. FML

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40979

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

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33947

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By iJehx - United States

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10417

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By mwja - France

Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML

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31454

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By Anonymous - United States - Friendswood

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

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29213

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By Anna - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

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24498

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By queenmabby

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

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2114

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By thyisnothorses - United States - Scituate

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32125

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By justinherass - Canada

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML

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55795

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

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57436

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By stagedivefail - Australia

RAWK N ROLL!!!

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

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10835

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

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49822

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By madiison09 - United States

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

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65113

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By arachnidphobia - United States

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

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30679

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By soapy - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

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22995

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By sad_panda - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

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46127

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 14:02

Winner winner chicken dinner

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

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550

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163

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By Michael - Australia

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

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28989

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By reptar2009 - United States

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

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8373

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By Discouraged - United States - Rockville

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

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32833

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By helpme - United States - Annapolis

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

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25505

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By wookieewhosshe - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2013

You deserved it

350

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31453

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29799

You deserved it

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By theholt - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

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30371

You deserved it

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By PiMan - United States

Thanks, I hate it

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30956

You deserved it

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By GOAWAY - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

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33719

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Top comments

By Sopa2010 | 0

#1883733 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

His chest must be scary

By DahkLohd | 4

#1883736 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

Badass dad you've got there.

COMMENTS

By Sopa2010 | 0

#1883733 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

His chest must be scary

ScreamAimFire | 0

#1883964 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:44

maybe he had lady gaga man boobs and he was ready to start a show!

fakeaccountX | 6

#1884022 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:59

At least it wasn't your GRANDdad!

Florence_ | 0

#1884270 - Thursday 23 December 2010 20:57

Is Davy Jones OP's father?

summersizzle | 0

#1884316 - Thursday 23 December 2010 21:18

Gibby!!!!!!

WishResign | 0

#1884840 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:54

46 haha that fat kid is crazy

OP your dad would have been an auto-tune-bound hit on YouTube. YDI for not recording it proudly & making millions from it from all the annoying ads that you could put on it. Then disowning your father after making enough to move out. He gave you a golden opportunity.

jewban | 3

#1885202 - Friday 24 December 2010 7:17

hmm it sounds like something Steven from the 'greatest freakout ever' videos would do.

TurboTalon | 0

#1885938 - Friday 24 December 2010 12:15

Hulk Hogan

ShadyFTW1 | 0

#1887568 - Friday 24 December 2010 22:44

Is there any chance you are Carrie Heffernan and your father is Arthur Spooner?

Sopa2010 | 0

#1890286 - Saturday 25 December 2010 15:28

I'm Peter Chao

chao outside, mudafuckaaaa

Filipwnage | 0

#1893299 - Sunday 26 December 2010 16:50

92, Umm, I don't think Peter Chao says that... He says "Chao sign mothuh fuckuhh"

By DahkLohd | 4

#1883736 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

Badass dad you've got there.

xXDubbleChic | 11

#1884279 - Thursday 23 December 2010 20:59

agreed

Daileyyy | 0

#1884714 - Friday 24 December 2010 0:18

agreed with 2.

emodude44 | 0

#1885016 - Friday 24 December 2010 4:02

Voldy be speaking da TRUTH

riseagainst8767x | 0

#1885305 - Friday 24 December 2010 8:18

xXdoublechic-is it just me or did you draw a stick-man on your tongue?

Dillon000 | 3

#1885809 - Friday 24 December 2010 11:32

dahklohds pic always brings a smile to my face :]

smlz4me | 1

#2390366 - Saturday 23 April 2011 1:35

agreed!! I Harry Potter addict

guitarbeast | 22

#4139722 - Friday 9 March 2012 5:08

Haha such a will ferrel move

By iampunk | 0

#1883742 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

That's reasonable.

supertacowaffle | 41

#2134342 - Monday 28 February 2011 22:33

Canadians...

Roxanne090 | 0

#2332975 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 0:34

Americans

dlrowehtkcuf | 7

#3098289 - Saturday 13 August 2011 5:28

Humans

By mikejunior88 | 4

#1883744 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:06

lmfao

By amerwin | 3

#1883749 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:07

I guess that's the modern form of a glove-slap.

Fentown_fml | 4

#1884368 - Thursday 23 December 2010 21:35

We've come a long way.

By hairt | 4

#1883769 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

too hot to handle hahaha

By Angio113 | 10

#1883773 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

Wow. that made my day, that's hilarious! XD Sorry about the embarrassing dad though.

By someunluckyman | 0

#1883776 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:09

theres nothing more intimidating than a screaming shirtless man.

hardboard82 | 0

#1884473 - Thursday 23 December 2010 22:28

Or a Sasquatch...

By perdix | 29

#1883780 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:10

Nothing says "Fuck you" like the sudden emergence of hairy manboobs!

iknowimawesome | 13

#1885045 - Friday 24 December 2010 4:38

This literally made me LOL.

Xylus | 0

#1885620 - Friday 24 December 2010 10:09

.......Awesome.....

TylerOMFG | 7

#3473327 - Saturday 22 October 2011 23:25

Very great comment almighty Perdix.

By blo0_starZz | 0

#1883791 - Thursday 23 December 2010 19:12

Your dad.
He's awesome. Chyeahh.

Trade? :D