Miscellaneous: Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped...

By Lars - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

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Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Scoville scale

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, at the hairdresser's, I fell asleep while my hair was being washed. My barber had to shake me awake. FML

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By Help

Today, it's the 11th day of my migraine. I've drunk enough water to piss crystal clear, eaten every type of food there is, slept for days, and tried every remedy in my medicine cabinet. Nothing made a dent in the splitting pain. FML

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By badhairday

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

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By diablo

Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only did she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML

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By Frostbitten - United States - Freeport

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mom told me I couldn't be best man at my best friend's wedding. I'm 25. FML

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By ThisisMedSchool - United States - Johnson City

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

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By oneillrox - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML

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By Muralove - United States - Matawan

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

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By BadBribe - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

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By nobodyreadsmyemails - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

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By robertsonjimmy - United States

Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML

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By poormomma

Shame! Shaaaame!

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

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By Nickolas - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

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By kjmsit - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

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By Alyssa - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, I felt so lonely that I asked Siri to read me Wikipedia articles so that I could pretend I was having a conversation with a real human being. FML

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By cat.imakittycat. - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend feed his cat and change his profile on both myspace and facebook before saying to me that he was "Too busy to have sex." FML

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By JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - United States - Los Angeles

The big con

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 02:00

Impatience

Today, my dad asked me to help him buy a laptop by searching online. He explicitly said, "When you have time." I decided to shower as I had just woken up. While showering, I was startled by loud banging and my dad angrily asking why I wasn't looking for his laptop. FML

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By dumbblonde

Today, I figured out that the roommate who I let move in with me on Sunday is probably a prostitute. I’m a lawyer. FML

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1631

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By triple l - United States

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

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By op-poopy - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

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By anne - Canada

Today, my 20 year-old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

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By buster - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

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By disgruntled stepdaughter - United States - Reno

Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

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30966

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By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

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By noonotme - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

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16229

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By .. - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

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By MrandMrsRendon20 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

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By harrypottermuch - Canada

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

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By fuuuuck - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

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By radiating

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

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34690

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By Snow-White - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

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45590

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By shelby124 - United States - York

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19898

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By joolsie - United Kingdom - York

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

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By GamingWolfy5

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

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Top comments

By lalalala_fml | 0

#2813 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:03

hahahahahahaha, beautiful.

By dang_fml | 0

#9130 - Saturday 28 February 2009 6:21

LMAO! i can picture that now, and its freaking hilarious! hahahahaha

COMMENTS

By lalalala_fml | 0

#2813 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:03

hahahahahahaha, beautiful.

metalmods94 | 8

#5201521 - Friday 30 November 2012 16:15

You're beautiful

By dang_fml | 0

#9130 - Saturday 28 February 2009 6:21

LMAO! i can picture that now, and its freaking hilarious! hahahahaha

By gemini00 | 0

#10046 - Sunday 1 March 2009 14:51

lol!!! sorry buddy but thats too funny not to comment on

By AquaticRobotics | 0

#26481 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 17:28

Are you a cartoon? =D

By Milena_fml | 0

#27716 - Thursday 12 March 2009 5:14

LOL

By dude_where | 0

#37067 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 9:32

you should try an escalator... they tend to cause less falls

jo0owe | 9

#5930451 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 12:10

op would still fall, but then thé fall would be endless xD

By Sputnik_47 | 0

#37219 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 13:01

xD, happened to me, worse thing I was running UP the stairs....meh as long as you aren't bleeeding, you laugh it off :P

By resawins | 0

#41831 - Thursday 19 March 2009 3:13

that one gave me a good laugh!!!! partly cuz i could imagine myself doing the same!! aaaaahahaha I LOVE IT!!!!!!! thanks for the laugh :-) and hope you didn't hurt yourself too bad...

By resawins | 0

#41948 - Thursday 19 March 2009 3:55

honestly. i can't stop laughing. it's been 45 minutes now. fml.

By altatude13 | 0

#42117 - Thursday 19 March 2009 5:22

thats so awful. its hilarious. but awful.