Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped...

By Lars - 31/1/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Serious times

Thanks, I'm cured!

By Juanald - 5/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 23:42 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 14:37 - United States

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

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By fatty - 21/11/2012 06:20 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

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By horselover7766 - 25/4/2012 23:08 - United States - Sewell

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 06:29 - United States - Du Bois

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

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By todaddy - 23/5/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

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By yourebeautiful - 31/12/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

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By fat and alone - 5/6/2014 04:11 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

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By pagvscgrac - 13/3/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I got a hand cramp from popping zits on my face. FML

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By smellyhouse - 27/11/2011 10:19 - Canada

Today, my brother decided deodorant causes cancer. He goes to the gym every day. FML

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By aginglikemilk - 14/3/2017 18:00

They weren't wrong...

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2019 06:00

Looks

Today, my mom and dad were talking about how if I lost weight, I would be attractive and have guys all over me. My dad said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” It took me a while to realize they both think I’m ugly. FML

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By SoGoodAtLife - 9/3/2016 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

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By Pika - 9/10/2017 01:30

Today, in the midst of an interview, I was asked what my best qualities are. I panicked and quickly responded that I can make a great Pikachu impression. They wanted to hear it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

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By Troy - 3/4/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I filled out a political survey for a psychology experiment. A really cute girl was doing it, too. We hit it off and flirted through the surveys, and I asked her out when it was done. Then I found out it was really an attraction experiment and she was in on it. She was acting. FML

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By Jrex89 - 2/6/2015 21:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2011 09:32 - United States

Today, I frantically chased a customer down the parking lot, because they had left their package at my register. Only to find out that the whole time I was chasing the wrong person. FML

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By stellarshaun - 16/1/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2016 05:03

Today, I bought a rather unique shirt for my boyfriend, planning to give it to him for Christmas. He showed up wearing the same shirt. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By spiderwoman - 15/4/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

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By whatever - 24/11/2012 07:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my long distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be expecting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 20:50 - United States - Winsted

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting 3 hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

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By fucking teen cunts - 27/1/2013 21:59 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML

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By Mb13 - 21/12/2016 20:02

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

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By MrFerret - 6/5/2011 03:41

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

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By Shouldaknown - 6/8/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

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By Lola - 23/7/2012 04:31

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to break up with me was to move out of our apartment while I was at work, and then text me a video of himself having sex with another girl. FML

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By Greattitan2 - 29/6/2015 20:34 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

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By Anon - 18/12/2019 14:00 - Australia - Brisbane

At the top of desire

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2012 07:33 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

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By Rhinobro01 - 27/7/2019 10:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was at a friend's house when his dad told me that he had Photoshopped his face onto a woman's body. I looked at the photo and said it was gross, disgusting and weird. Later on, my friend told me that the photo was actually a picture of his dad's twin sister. FML

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By Joe - 27/8/2012 13:33 - United States - Coalgate

Today, I started my new job at a fragrance store. While training, the manager had me smell all of the scents to become familiar with the products. Before my shift was over, I'd had three asthma attacks. FML

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By churchgoer - 20/3/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

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By moosemay - 2/4/2013 15:04 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

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By fsdjhgasjlhg - 3/8/2013 06:46 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I found a topless photo of my mother on my phone. Thanks, iCloud. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

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By anonymous - 25/6/2013 06:12 - United States - Cloquet

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

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Top comments

By lalalala_fml | 0

#2813 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:03

hahahahahahaha, beautiful.

By dang_fml | 0

#9130 - Saturday 28 February 2009 6:21

LMAO! i can picture that now, and its freaking hilarious! hahahahaha

COMMENTS

By lalalala_fml | 0

#2813 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:03

hahahahahahaha, beautiful.

metalmods94 | 8

#5201521 - Friday 30 November 2012 16:15

You're beautiful

By dang_fml | 0

#9130 - Saturday 28 February 2009 6:21

LMAO! i can picture that now, and its freaking hilarious! hahahahaha

By gemini00 | 0

#10046 - Sunday 1 March 2009 14:51

lol!!! sorry buddy but thats too funny not to comment on

By AquaticRobotics | 0

#26481 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 17:28

Are you a cartoon? =D

By Milena_fml | 0

#27716 - Thursday 12 March 2009 5:14

LOL

By dude_where | 0

#37067 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 9:32

you should try an escalator... they tend to cause less falls

jo0owe | 9

#5930451 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 12:10

op would still fall, but then thé fall would be endless xD

By Sputnik_47 | 0

#37219 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 13:01

xD, happened to me, worse thing I was running UP the stairs....meh as long as you aren't bleeeding, you laugh it off :P

By resawins | 0

#41831 - Thursday 19 March 2009 3:13

that one gave me a good laugh!!!! partly cuz i could imagine myself doing the same!! aaaaahahaha I LOVE IT!!!!!!! thanks for the laugh :-) and hope you didn't hurt yourself too bad...

By resawins | 0

#41948 - Thursday 19 March 2009 3:55

honestly. i can't stop laughing. it's been 45 minutes now. fml.

By altatude13 | 0

#42117 - Thursday 19 March 2009 5:22

thats so awful. its hilarious. but awful.