Miscellaneous: Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped...

By Lars - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

In-laws, in-fighting

Craft beer bores

By stephiew - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

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By Topher - United States

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

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30918

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

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By wilmerjean - United States

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

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24226

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By goodbye sweet internet - Greece - Athens

Today, after playing numerous games of poker against my friend, and him telling me that I'm the best poker player he's ever met, I went out and played for real money. I got totally destroyed, lost all of my money, and was laughed out of the building. FML

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25333

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By UnfortunatelySingle - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

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By BondingTime - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

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By Rejected - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

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By verasam01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my crush of two years that I love him. He responded with an, "Aww, I'm sorry." and a pity hug. FML

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By drew_ar85 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

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By PissingMeOff - 16/10/2020 13:55 - United Kingdom - Durham

Firehose

Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML

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1330

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By Mark - United States

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

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27970

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By howcanihelpyou - United States - Wantagh

Today, while working as a receptionist at a doctor's office, my boss asked me to check in one more patient before I left. He paid his $50 copay in nickels and dimes. FML

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1821

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By Noname - United States

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

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76144

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By Meg - United States

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

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By owowowow - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

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35031

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Anonymous's next job could be in cyber (she just doesn't know it yet)

Today, my doctor told me the severe hearing damage from my car accident is permanent. I just graduated with a degree for Interpreting and Translating. FML

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1521

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By fmylife - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

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By Crowded House

Today, my newborn son is only four days old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

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1644

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

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25079

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By Sam l. - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

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By Bonding_boys - United States - Elk River

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

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By Jailbird - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

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By fuckingcool

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

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By tylerlove361 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

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16027

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By PsychoSarah - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

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45529

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By TimeWasted - 22/9/2020 14:04 - United States - Tallahassee

Out of the frying pan

Today, after I got hired on at a new job with perfect hours and pay, worked my two-week notice at my old job, now one week into new job, they let me go because they’re overstaffed and I’m the newest hire. FML

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1411

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By wasted_gas - United States - Cumming

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

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35702

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By Anonymous - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

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36703

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

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31499

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44238

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By neta_1996 - United States - Mabelvale

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

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48136

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By Alexis - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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3959

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By AtLeastThereWasAParamedic

Today, I was walking on the sidewalk near my house when a car pulled out of a parking spot in front of a speeding ambulance. The ambulance swerved up onto the grass. Yes, I broke my arm after being hit by an ambulance. FML

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7807

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By iGotSkill - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

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Top comments

By lalalala_fml | 0

#2813 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:03

hahahahahahaha, beautiful.

By dang_fml | 0

#9130 - Saturday 28 February 2009 6:21

LMAO! i can picture that now, and its freaking hilarious! hahahahaha

COMMENTS

By lalalala_fml | 0

#2813 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:03

hahahahahahaha, beautiful.

metalmods94 | 8

#5201521 - Friday 30 November 2012 16:15

You're beautiful

By dang_fml | 0

#9130 - Saturday 28 February 2009 6:21

LMAO! i can picture that now, and its freaking hilarious! hahahahaha

By gemini00 | 0

#10046 - Sunday 1 March 2009 14:51

lol!!! sorry buddy but thats too funny not to comment on

By AquaticRobotics | 0

#26481 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 17:28

Are you a cartoon? =D

By Milena_fml | 0

#27716 - Thursday 12 March 2009 5:14

LOL

By dude_where | 0

#37067 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 9:32

you should try an escalator... they tend to cause less falls

jo0owe | 9

#5930451 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 12:10

op would still fall, but then thé fall would be endless xD

By Sputnik_47 | 0

#37219 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 13:01

xD, happened to me, worse thing I was running UP the stairs....meh as long as you aren't bleeeding, you laugh it off :P

By resawins | 0

#41831 - Thursday 19 March 2009 3:13

that one gave me a good laugh!!!! partly cuz i could imagine myself doing the same!! aaaaahahaha I LOVE IT!!!!!!! thanks for the laugh :-) and hope you didn't hurt yourself too bad...

By resawins | 0

#41948 - Thursday 19 March 2009 3:55

honestly. i can't stop laughing. it's been 45 minutes now. fml.

By altatude13 | 0

#42117 - Thursday 19 March 2009 5:22

thats so awful. its hilarious. but awful.