Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML
Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML
Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML
Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML
Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML
Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML
Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML
Today, I’m divorcing my wife because she puts her dog above our children. The final straw came when she jumped from a moving golf cart with our daughter in her arms when her stupid ass dog jumped out. Our child could’ve died but all she cared about was the damn dog. FML
Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jbuckets_404 39
OP, Your name wouldn't happen to be "Noah," would it by any chance?
Vern Ehlers 5
Offer to have a pig roast, with sides of fried chicken, and curried goat. Then take a trip to the glue factory, and end your day at a local Chinese restaurant.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (36)
purplepixie23 16
Sounds like you just got yourself a free petting zoo
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
that sounds like her problem
Donut_Wizard 23
Craigslist.
Chazzster 32
HER animals are not YOUR problem. Alternatively, you could offer to take them to the local animal control or animal shelter if you feel like being somewhat “cooperative” - and I would not enquire if they are “no kill” or not. Ignorance can be bliss (or in some cases it can be dangerous, but that’s a different thought). When you are getting separated, divorced, or “uncoupled” it’s time to firmly but politely separate you soon to be “ex’s” responsibilities and problems from yours. It’s not wise to be nasty or mean, like killing or roasting their former pet or selling it to a farm that raises them commercially, as ex’s usually have opportunities to be nasty in return. Once a viscous cycle starts it can get out of hand, so do not go there.
interesting33 37
very very wise words.
Lobby_Bee 18
If you don't want any headaches, just give her the farm in the divorce.
Eddie Nakamura 6
you own a fking farm boy!
chosha_fml 27
Some reasons for the divorce are becoming clearer.
GoogieWithers 25
You need to find numbers for no kill shelters/animal charities and work through them if you want to help. If you don't want to help, then just give her the list of numbers. The animals have done nothing wrong, so try to put your emotions aside for them.
Davros 12
I think it would be funny to see trucks from both the local animal shelter and the local butcher there at the same time.
TCRII 30
I am happy to say that I found good homes for all of the animals.