Miscellaneous: Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy... - FML

By spilum_endalaust - United States

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

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spilum_endalaust tells us more :

Hey, I did check my final schedule, I just happened to switch the time and day for Calculus and Anatomy. My fault definitely, but still not fun when you realize you're going to be late for an exam you didn't study for.

Spooky

Incognito browsing

Gas giant

By Jonoq - Canada

Stress factor 11

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

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By Lizziebelle - United States - Seattle

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

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By what the actual fuck - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

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By shea234 - United States

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

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By Ouch

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

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By gera3gera - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

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By Quirk - United States

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

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By Stupendous_ - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

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By This Guy - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

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By

Strange noise

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

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By ripmyphone - United States - Glen Allen

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

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By milkndstufff - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 23:01

You've got some explaining to do

Today, my boyfriend accidentally synced his contacts to my phone. I'm not sure who I want to message first, "Amber (Big Ass)", "Kayla (Baby Girl)", or one of the other 64 with similar descriptions in parentheses. FML

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By Noname - South Africa

Today, at a strategy session my manager displayed a flow chart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Huron

Today, I found out I and a coworker may get laid off soon, all because my boss's niece told him she can do both our jobs all by herself, and for less money. FML

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By Chris - United States - House Springs

Today, my wife and I went to our friend's house to play some pool. While playing, a Cicada started to fly towards my face, so I flipped my pool stick over and swatted at it with the fat end of the stick. I hit the bug. However, with the skinny side I hit myself in the snow-globes. FML

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By 303 - United States - Houston

Today, I picked up my car from the repair shop, drove two miles, and ran out of gas. I then walked to get gas, put a gallon of gas in the car, and tried to start it. The battery was too weak to start the car, and died on the spot. FML

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By Granny - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

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By Username - China

Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a work mate I took a sip of the tea which I had forgotten was boiling hot and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML

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By unamyous - United States - Canoga Park

Phone-blocked

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

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By luciazee - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

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By fat and alone - United States - Birmingham

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

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By krisest1988 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

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By SweptWolf - 6/6/2020 23:02

Doomed

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

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By tony - United States

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

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By camerashyguy - United States - Longview

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

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By JustLeaveThem

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

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By whatever - United States

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

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By me - United States

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

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By "Noelle Diane Irwin"

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

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By Namnack - Netherlands

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

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By whatthefuck - United States - Providence

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

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Top comments

By 123456789010 | 0

#2632739 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:57

but u still made this comment

By bonafidehustler | 0

#214408 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:22

#1: Then why're you bothering to comment on it?

COMMENTS

By rukusrazor | 0

#214403 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:20

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

123456789010 | 0

#2632739 - Monday 6 June 2011 21:57

but u still made this comment

Reply

PinkElephants713 | 6

#4405825 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 5:56

Although completely unrelated to your comment…

Damn you Murphey!!!!!!!!!!!! Screw your laws!!!!!

By pearls | 0

#214406 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:21

should have been more careful but it does suck

By sparda4355 | 0

#214407 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:21

So... how well do you and "math" get along?

Reply

jarhead321 | 0

#845872 - Thursday 11 February 2010 22:46

could have been worse anatomy is a lot harder than calculus

By bonafidehustler | 0

#214408 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:22

#1: Then why're you bothering to comment on it?

By Jankae | 0

#214414 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:24

Wow, that sucks

Reply

fml1365 | 30

#5644780 - Monday 26 August 2013 19:01

If only their were a button for this..

By Jimboom | 11

#214415 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:24

Check and re-check the info. Never rely purely on your brain (especially with a brain like yours)

Hope you passed ok. Calculus can be a bitch!

By Lolrus | 0

#214417 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:24

Wow that sucks.
oh ya and #1, u just wasted a comment.
good job.

Reply

Tummy_tumble | 0

#995940 - Monday 17 May 2010 5:52

Atleast he didn't make it known that he's first.

By Neceyv | 0

#214419 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:25

I'd be pissed.

By aego56 | 0

#214420 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:25

Truly an FML

By Chibi_fml | 9

#214422 - Wednesday 20 May 2009 16:25

Ooh, that sucks! But at least you would have been well prepared. Next time, print yourself out a list of when your exams are and double/triple check it. That's what I do after I almost missed an exam in my first year of university (it was on Monday night and I found out about it that morning).