Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked, "Who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door, "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML
Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML
Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML
Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML
Today, I got a knock on my door at 3 a.m. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough, she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML
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Top comments
AsianCookie247 14
damn haha I feel bad for your father, I hate being woken up.
DocBastard 40
It was his work phone and he was on call. Perhaps he works for the electric company and there was a major power outage that needed to be fixed. Perhaps he's a doctor and needed to go save someone's life. Are those not good enough ******* reasons to wake him up for one ******* cool? Maybe try reading the entire FML before commenting.
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Comments (67)
FUGYU 2
don't mess with Texas, lol
CitrusGirl 0
Why do people always assume the burglar is going to attack you? That seems counterproductive to me. I feel like if you go out of your way to attack the homeowner, you're a lot less likely to get away with anything.
Snafuusmc 12
wow turn a light on first then yell his name don't get to close.
agummere796 0
maybe he thought you were a crazy ninja sniper assassin trying to kidnap you and kill him. he's just a caring father...
ILuvvHay22 0
The *SAME THING* happened to me a couple days ago. my dad is crazy, too. lol
DearLar 0
don't mess with a mans sleep!
roperap 0
at 1am !
hottiebrunette 0
bed intruder
marijuanasmoker4 3
They rapin errbody 'round here.
mackop 0
we gonna find you
sourgirl101 29
I would have set his phone next to him and kept calling from the next room. You can't get attacked that way, I hope. (:
Stupend0us 7
I did that once, except I ended up seeing my dad's girlfriend naked and sprawled out sleeping on the bed. I closed the door then decided to knock and NEVER made that mistake again.
maddy1028 0
lmao