Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML
Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML
Today, and every time I want to try something new, my dad starts pointing out why it’s a stupid idea, or how it will obviously go wrong, and gets himself so worked up that in the end he’s just shouting at me while I cower, yet it also makes him mad when I just sit in my room with no hobbies. FML
Today, my dad is a drill sergeant, which is bad enough, but my boyfriend wants to meet him and my mom. This cannot go well, all the jokes and comedy movies say this cannot go well at all. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ForkymeetsPorky 15
And he's absolutely 100% correct.
metallica_wins 20
There's no mercy. He's gotta take advantage of you, y'know?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (65)
touch_phobia 13
Well he isn't wrong
Axel5238 29
Show your dad news footage of the trampling and other things that happen at black friday sales. I hope your dad was making a bad joke.
worldclassrager 41
Well I think you would prefer an alive father than a trampled one...
Izzicasey 18
People are ruthless and evil on Black Friday. A pregnant woman got beat up over half off perfume. God I hate Black Friday... Don't let him make you go, you could get badly hurt and people just don't care. Sounds a bit like "greed" for some people out there. Oh and that reminds me.. They'll get anything that they can get, my older brother got his flat screen TV stolen right after he bought it. He didn't even bother the "mob" of people that took it. I mean he didn't want to bother to get it back.
cheshirecat13242 32
He's definitely a forward-thinking man.
imchacon22 19
You think those martial arts lessons were free??? Lol jk Black Friday gets crazy!
UsernameTaken14 18
Thaaaaaat's pretty much true.
junkman6 22
I don't care if you're Bruce lee reincarnated, you'll still get stomped on Black Friday.
1947Chevy 17
I Bruce lee and Chuck Norris worked together on Black Friday it would not be enough
bazookajoey 27
He has a point...