Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML
Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML
Today, and every time I want to try something new, my dad starts pointing out why it’s a stupid idea, or how it will obviously go wrong, and gets himself so worked up that in the end he’s just shouting at me while I cower, yet it also makes him mad when I just sit in my room with no hobbies. FML
Today, my dad is a drill sergeant, which is bad enough, but my boyfriend wants to meet him and my mom. This cannot go well, all the jokes and comedy movies say this cannot go well at all. FML
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
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Top comments
ForkymeetsPorky 15
And he's absolutely 100% correct.
metallica_wins 20
There's no mercy. He's gotta take advantage of you, y'know?
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Comments (65)
faygo_chick 5
That's awesome!
sabrinalynn22 19
He has a point.
jeragonm 15
That's why my family wants me along! Hapkido to the rescue!
nemcali 34
Can you come with me too?
Lilxpie 18
I guess he watched the South Park episode about black Friday...
azisles02 17
You should start convincing him to my slogan about Black Friday "if you can't get it online, it's not worth it."
sanecatlady 13
Black Friday is just so stupid. Just the day before Americans were sitting around and giving thanks for what they do have, and then the very next day it's like having a war with the Natives and slaughtering them to steal their land all over again. Ick.
lexi365 20
As a martial arts instructor myself, I still avoid Black Friday. It sounds scary enough.
PieReaper 11
Wax on wax off
kappinlivy 9
He's not lying...