Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend.... - FML

By Daughter of a Dork - 14/9/2018 17:30 - United States - New York

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

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Proactive

Don't give up

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 17:31 - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2016 18:36 - United States - Milford

Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

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By bummer - 25/11/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2015 02:47 - United States

Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

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By goodbyefriend - 21/8/2012 16:56 - United States - Worcester

Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into work every day just to make sure it ate and stayed alive long enough to turn into a butterfly, it finally did. Before it could fly free, a bird turned it into a snack. FML

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By --- - 6/7/2015 20:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

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By Gregory - 28/11/2008 10:28 - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

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By FireoftheFuture - 2/5/2013 11:02 - United States

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

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By FattyMcFatterson - 24/6/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

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By disappointmentafter4years - 12/4/2016 19:31 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after 4 years of staring each other down at the bar, we both finally made a move and ended up at his apartment. After 45 mins of unsuccessfully getting anywhere, I left, to walk home in a hail storm. FML

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By Nick - 22/5/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

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By Em - 15/10/2009 06:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

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By HellaBomber91 - 20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

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By Dinho - 15/5/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

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By pocketrocket90 - 8/8/2014 06:05 - Australia - Capalaba

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

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By wtf dad - 10/1/2013 03:15 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

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By snowball - 29/12/2011 23:32 - Switzerland

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

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By moviewalker - 26/11/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

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By Marymary - 27/8/2019 20:00

Kids say the dumbest things…

Today, my cousins and I were walking past bars, choosing one go to. I recently got my hair cut short and thought it was cute. A little boy walking beside us looked at me and said, "Are you a boy?" His mother shushed him and said, "No dear, she's just flat-chested." FML

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By FMeeee - 16/6/2014 18:50 - Portugal - Aveiro

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

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By corfan01 - 5/10/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

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By Genuine D - 13/5/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

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By life// - 8/1/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

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By Char - 24/9/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Gravesend

Today, whilst at work, I had a woman come in with a problem with the seat in her car not moving backwards or forwards. There was a dildo stuck in the chair rail. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:50 - United States

Today, on my way back to work after lunch, my airbags deployed at a stop sign. FML

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By "BunnysKitty" - 10/7/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2015 05:12 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

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By fmlll - 28/8/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

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By 90 up I-95 - 7/7/2017 20:00 - United States - State College

Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML

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By barri - 16/12/2009 07:28 - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

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By wlisy - 30/9/2019 18:00

Drugged?

Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML

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By foreveralonecatlady - 28/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I was bombarded with pictures of my little sister's Christmas present. It was a huge engagement ring. I got broken up with in public on Christmas eve. FML

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By Yellowsmellow - 22/9/2016 17:57 - Canada - Windsor

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

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By Kali - 13/10/2019 04:00

Say it ain't so, please

Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML

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By annoyed - 11/5/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

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By moe - 15/2/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a Happy Valentine's day was a wrong number calling my cell phone. FML

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By swervelol - 14/7/2016 19:06

Today, as well as for the past two weeks, my brother has been making up songs about farts and singing them non-stop. He's 26. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

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By Sophie - 27/12/2011 04:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

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Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7693654 - Saturday 15 September 2018 0:45

This is hilarious!
Keep in mind, that "cute little" Marshadow is a legendary Pokemon. No wonder it kicked your dad's Incineroar's ass.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7689298 - Friday 7 September 2018 19:06

Nah, your dad is right. Dude's gotta go. No one messes with a man's Incineroar.

Comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7689298 - Friday 7 September 2018 19:06

Nah, your dad is right. Dude's gotta go. No one messes with a man's Incineroar.

Reply

DragonMaiden7 | 15

#7694029 - Saturday 15 September 2018 22:56

I totally agree. You don’t fuck with a person’s starter. That’s like kicking a person’s mother

By EggyDogger | 13

#7693638 - Friday 14 September 2018 23:41

Just level it up

By blightsight | 10

#7693650 - Saturday 15 September 2018 0:11

People still play Pokemon??

Reply

DragonMaiden7 | 15

#7694023 - Saturday 15 September 2018 22:50

I mean, it’s not like there is a fucking National and World tournament where people can win actually money, or at least hundreds of thousands of players.

Reply

DragonMaiden7 | 15

#7694037 - Saturday 15 September 2018 23:08

Just because you don’t know shit doesn’t mean other people are ignorant.

Google is a thing. Educate yourself. Btw I have won a tournament before, you can delete your comment, doesn’t mean I don’t see it

By RichardPencil | 28

#7693652 - Saturday 15 September 2018 0:26

“Never go against the family”
-Don Corleone

Dump him!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7693654 - Saturday 15 September 2018 0:45

This is hilarious!
Keep in mind, that "cute little" Marshadow is a legendary Pokemon. No wonder it kicked your dad's Incineroar's ass.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#7693678 - Saturday 15 September 2018 2:30

To be fair, the only advantage that Marshadow has is its Fighting type over Incineroar’s Dark type.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7693656 - Saturday 15 September 2018 0:49

It's especially amusing that the Marshadow is being referred to as "the other woman" because Marshadow is genderless.

By cptncuttlefish | 24

#7693659 - Saturday 15 September 2018 1:07

Real men win without legendaries, he’s gotta go!

By Charlie Given | 21

#7693666 - Saturday 15 September 2018 1:26

Time to find some men and get rid of the little boys 🙄😏

By pjsr | 32

#7693671 - Saturday 15 September 2018 1:41

You need to amend your screenname to include Boyfriend of a Dork, too.
#whosaysgirlsdontmarryaguyjustliketheirdads

Reply

SneezyBear | 27

#7693727 - Saturday 15 September 2018 5:59

You mean 'Girlfriend of a Dork'?

By TheSminty1 | 17

#7693721 - Saturday 15 September 2018 5:40

It would seem women really do look for men who resemble their fathers. #FreudWasRight