Blowin' in the wind - FML

Blowin' in the wind

By Tired - 19/09/2020 02:02 - United Stated

Today, for the third night in a row, I didn't get any sleep, because my neighbor's new dog won't stop barking when the wind blows. Where I live, we get major wind gusts most days of the week. It's going to be another long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 73

Another great day to be alive

Walk the line

Meltdown

By ieatoreos - 11/03/2011 11:28

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 166

You deserved it 2 951

By Dummas - 15/01/2017 12:00

Today, I sent out an email asking people to contact me if they were not on our group's email list yet so that I could add them. I sent it out to the group list. They were quite amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 619

You deserved it 6 055

Not fair!

By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 01:30

Today, one of my teachers yelled at me for being two minutes late to class. He was so concerned with my punishment that he didn't notice the four other people that walked in after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 414

You deserved it 445

By Guilpie - 29/01/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 342

You deserved it 714

By coffee - 22/08/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 13 596

By NoDocVisit - 27/07/2016 02:27 - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 982

You deserved it 1 110

Bird's eye view

By Anonymous - 13/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that my shower area is in direct view from my neighbours' balcony. I realised this when I caught my neighbour and his wife watching me while I was getting dressed. I've been living here for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 515

Thief

By Mommabear - 15/06/2018 01:30

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 025

You deserved it 229

By This_Is_Me1982 - 03/01/2011 17:51 - Canada

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 529

You deserved it 5 161

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:04 - United States - Placentia

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 910

You deserved it 29 317

By Julie - 25/03/2015 05:42 - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 200

You deserved it 5 129

By crushed - 29/09/2011 14:32 - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 367

You deserved it 3 789

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 454

You deserved it 4 008

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 08:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 426

You deserved it 3 794

By broooooock - 16/07/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 517

You deserved it 13 372

By sandra - 20/09/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 657

You deserved it 3 099

By First World Problems - 08/01/2016 14:34 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 390

You deserved it 1 754

By madiison09 - 01/04/2013 17:46 - United States

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 158

You deserved it 6 496

By Anonymous - 17/06/2018 05:00

Today, I found a leather book in my husband's sock drawer with "BRO CODE" on the front. It was blank except for the last page, which said, "NICE TRY SUSAN BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BRO CODE IS UNWRITTEN AND FOR GUYS ONLY". Well-played, husband. Well-played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 260

You deserved it 4 408

By Anonymous - 10/06/2018 15:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital due to a severe acid reflux attack. I knew I had acid reflux for years, but was never allowed to get it checked out. Why? My dad told me I was too young to have it and that I was making it up. I now have to see a specialist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 068

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 338

You deserved it 2 790

By HLRJ - 29/08/2018 09:00 - United States - Concord

Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 229

By mjohnston - 27/03/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 501

You deserved it 13 601

By Pikababy19 - 18/08/2016 23:12 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and heard the shower running. Would have been nice to know my father in law was here before I walked in naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 431

You deserved it 2 155

Booty pic

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 08:01 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I went to CVS to print out some pictures. I accidentally printed out a booty pic, tried to go behind the counter and they yelled at me, "Ma’m you’re not supposed to be behind here." Then the lady held up the picture and said, "Was this one the accident?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 1 081

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 964

You deserved it 12 574

By killme - 29/12/2012 22:33 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 722

You deserved it 4 070

By notexactly - 23/04/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 383

You deserved it 64 101

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 261

You deserved it 4 804

By Anonymous - 07/05/2012 23:52 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 120

You deserved it 4 251

By tlm84 - 28/07/2014 02:54 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 5 044

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 09:35 - Australia

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 299

You deserved it 3 105

By MetalAtlas - 03/03/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 08:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 261

By 97 - 17/02/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 056

You deserved it 6 163

By cleangirl - 14/03/2011 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 453

You deserved it 4 610

Entitled

By hate this job - 09/06/2021 19:59

Today, a 300 lb woman caused a huge scene at the public pool where I work. She accused me of fatshaming and swore to sue me for discrimination. I asked her to cover up, as her 3x too small string bikini went against the pool’s dress code. I don’t make the rules, I just have to enforce them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 457

You deserved it 3 305

By Nick Nameous - 01/01/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 5 265

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 900

You deserved it 328

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Saturday 19 September 2020 3:25

Are you USA? Is the dog outside while barking? Pretty sure there's ordinances that allow you peace after a certain hour. The dog will learn to not do it eventually, but the owners are responsible if it's barking all night outside. If it's a townhome/apartment and it's through the walls; I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you can do :/ (I also haven't looked into it for that situation!)

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Saturday 19 September 2020 11:27

earplugs...

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Saturday 19 September 2020 3:25

Are you USA? Is the dog outside while barking? Pretty sure there's ordinances that allow you peace after a certain hour. The dog will learn to not do it eventually, but the owners are responsible if it's barking all night outside. If it's a townhome/apartment and it's through the walls; I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you can do :/ (I also haven't looked into it for that situation!)

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 19 September 2020 4:39

There are several obvious solutions to this problem. The real FML is that you can't figure one out.

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Saturday 19 September 2020 11:27

earplugs...

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Saturday 19 September 2020 21:04

Ehh maybe. I can't sleep without white noise, and earplugs give me the 'silence' effect. Earplugs are also absolutely horrible for those who suffer from tinnitus.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 121

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 295