Miscellaneous: Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact... - FML

By mikeyamazing - 28/12/2009 05:00 - France

Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 407

You deserved it 4 779

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Dysfunctional

Dementia or hate? You decide

By Sonotsuave - 17/05/2019 01:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 119

Clean your room

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 11:01

Today, I've pretty much given up hope that she’ll ever learn to tidy up after herself. I just wish I could dock her allowance every time she makes me clean up her mess. Why can’t I? Because I’m not actually her mother. In fact, she’s mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 04:51 - United States - Burbank

Spicy

Today, I was going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He couldn't get hard and pouted about it for nearly two hours. When I went to comfort him, he said "Man, I hope I'm not gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 268

You deserved it 2 432

By why - 14/03/2014 23:23 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 398

You deserved it 37 670

By B1N - 15/04/2019 14:00

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 206

Scammed

By FMLdude - 18/08/2013 23:23 - Australia - Bexley

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 191

You deserved it 4 960

By mylifesucks - 02/07/2010 22:25 - France

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 886

You deserved it 5 250

By baby, baby no - 09/11/2012 18:39 - United States - Ladys Island

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 321

You deserved it 3 479

Chill out, Judy

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 08:01

Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 65

Don't drink and letch

By GonnaGetFired - 31/03/2010 00:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 596

You deserved it 40 163

By tramp - 10/11/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 260

You deserved it 19 554

By Anonymous - 04/07/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 501

You deserved it 10 648

By single - 24/12/2014 21:49 - United States - Hurricane

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 624

You deserved it 3 033

Thanks dude

By Marcus - 10/04/2021 02:00 - Norway

Today, I was driving to work when I had to abruptly brake to avoid a pedestrian who had suddenly jumped into the street. As a consequence, my parking ID was pushed in between the dashboard and the windshield. It is literally impossible to get it out before my shift starts. In other words, I'm going to get fined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 109

Fair Warning

By TheNoseKnows - 16/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, while sitting in a bar, I offered to buy the drunk chick sitting next to me a drink. She was a lot more inebriated than I thought, because she looked at me with bloodshot eyes and cheerfully responded, "There's a rotten smell in my vagina!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 706

You deserved it 2 482

Care and sympathy

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 12:01 - United States

Today, after taking vacation time to visit her, my mom told me she was glad I was leaving so she could get back to her diet. I'm prediabetic and have been trying to manage the condition. She ordered dessert at every meal and was the only one in the family who did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 71

By Timv86 - 16/02/2010 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 853

You deserved it 3 063

By Simon - 30/12/2008 11:14 - France

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 126

You deserved it 53 361

By alyssabree42 - 04/08/2012 06:56 - United States - Estacada

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 918

You deserved it 23 134

Food poisoning

By brown and sticky - 16/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 463

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186 963

You deserved it 29 811

By Mikabe - 14/02/2011 18:51 - Sweden

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 310

You deserved it 12 908

By bakingwomannnnnnnn - 20/11/2013 07:59 - United States - Redding

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 771

You deserved it 3 123

By Arlbethere - 25/02/2011 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended the wrong funeral. I spent twenty minutes trying to hide and walk away without being too conspicuous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 260

You deserved it 8 616

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 005

You deserved it 3 607

By Amanda - 19/11/2010 05:14

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 267

You deserved it 3 823

By quickfingers100 - 22/07/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 771

You deserved it 10 676

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied saying she is a hair dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 806

You deserved it 45 885

By Jessie - 23/02/2009 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 217

You deserved it 3 512

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 05:56 - United States

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 675

You deserved it 6 652

By OhMyWhitney - 20/02/2012 07:41 - United States

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 165

You deserved it 32 814

By howtobesingle - 07/04/2016 02:45 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I listened to my best friend complain, again, about the two guys she's seeing, and how she doesn't know which one to choose, because they're both perfect. Meanwhile, I'm cleaning up my dog's loose stools, haven't had a date in over three years and I'm also sharing a room with the very same best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 234

You deserved it 1 978

By I need a new ballsack. - 16/09/2014 16:20 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 311

You deserved it 4 463

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 06:15 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 914

You deserved it 2 094

By Zizi - 04/07/2015 13:18 - Norway - Mosj?en

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 572

You deserved it 1 740

By pacificbeach - 02/03/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 558

You deserved it 55 062

By shocked1 - 07/01/2009 15:22 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was doing a local search at SexSearch.com and I found my sister's profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 686

You deserved it 10 978

By c.m.g. - 27/04/2011 10:50

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 080

You deserved it 3 818

By jarrettsorko - 23/08/2011 16:38 - Canada

Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 242

You deserved it 6 420

By Egtat216 - 29/07/2016 22:03 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 330

You deserved it 1 455

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Monday 28 December 2009 13:39

You probably have a phone full of 5 year old contacts you don't talk to anymore. I know I do.. I have people on my phone that I don't even know who they are..

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:14

I'm pretty sure thisd happen to me too.. since I never use my phone

Comments

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:14

I'm pretty sure thisd happen to me too.. since I never use my phone

eyez_lay_low1921 0

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 17:18

Q

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:15

Maybe they didn't have your new number or something. Get over it, obviously if they've given you their number in the first place they don't mind you texting them.

TrollTrollTroll 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:28

THIS HAPPEND DDLTO ME ALL THR PEPLLE OB MY PGONR WENT ARRHHV

MagneticGuitar 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:31

eh? English ************, do you speakit?

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Monday 28 December 2009 13:15

#3: Do you speak English in what?

Aha09 1

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Monday 28 December 2009 17:09

Translation: "This happened to me too, all the people on my phone wenr ARRRRGH" ...Yeah...I'm not so sure on this. Good thing he's a troll, so we know not to take it literally.

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Monday 28 December 2009 22:42

DESCRIBE WHAT MARCELLUS WALLACE LOOKS LIKE!!

BurnIt2TheGround 0

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Friday 1 January 2010 3:14

Hahaha pulp fiction great job with the reference!

TheNamesKatii 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:29

#3- what?

ImASHMARTcookie 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:48

number three made me lol

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Monday 28 December 2009 12:49

hey, the reason is probably that around christmas everyone gets new phones and therefore their contacts werent all in it... dont worry...it happens to everyone xx

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Monday 28 December 2009 13:02

whos this, whos this? there's confusion everywhere!! lol maybe you should get out more, honey... and uh, by festive, you mean????? seriously, this is a chance to reconnect at a party/get together, right?

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Monday 28 December 2009 13:39

You probably have a phone full of 5 year old contacts you don't talk to anymore. I know I do.. I have people on my phone that I don't even know who they are..

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Monday 3 May 2010 18:56

this inspired me to delete people I don't talk to. op don't worry about it, in sure there's a good reason.

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Monday 28 December 2009 13:45

are u sure u didnt get a new number or maybe u just havent texted most of the ppl on ur phone for a while or most of your contacts got a new phone for christmas and didnt get to keep their old number?

terriibabiiix23 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 14:36

you probably sent the message to your contacts that you haven't spoke to in years...so yeah.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 6

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 142