Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of...

By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks

19683

You deserved it

5732

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Fashion Police

Race against the clock

A beautiful truck decoration

By firefromherlips - 28/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Gallatin

Today, I found out the position I thought I had earned by working hard was only to separate me from my coworkers because I "talked too much". Instead of addressing the issue like adults, I've essentially been put in time-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36877

You deserved it

7993

Favorite

By Jimii Liu - 11/3/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28519

You deserved it

3327

Favorite

By Loveless - 10/9/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23950

You deserved it

5642

Favorite

By nicknack22 - 1/2/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38587

You deserved it

5885

Favorite

By Economess - 17/9/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24858

You deserved it

4130

Favorite

By Deaf Dumb & Blonde - 1/9/2016 21:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14420

You deserved it

2169

Favorite

By FattestUgliestPerson - 18/1/2014 09:45 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51857

You deserved it

7610

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30472

You deserved it

6627

Favorite

By budda1368 - 9/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Romance isn't dead

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1846

You deserved it

939

Favorite

By lordtimbit - 15/3/2015 15:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34556

You deserved it

3018

Favorite

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/6/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

715

You deserved it

2084

Favorite

By benz1369 - 12/5/2016 22:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while stocking the green beans at work, I picked up a "leaf" which turned out to be a grasshopper. I screamed so loud, my coworkers now think I'm crazy. This is only my second week here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11033

You deserved it

1527

Favorite

By Jennifer Sara Harms - 19/8/2019 00:01

Today, I made a 6-hour trip just to go to the wrong art festival. I have to go back and make the same trip again tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1059

You deserved it

950

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 15:18 - United States

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31977

You deserved it

2402

Favorite

By nyu - 25/1/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14067

You deserved it

24364

Favorite

By oh ffs - 25/1/2013 01:13 - United States

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33323

You deserved it

3945

Favorite

By Hit-and-Run - 13/12/2012 08:01 - Mexico - Ju?rez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25880

You deserved it

3152

Favorite

By Habit - 19/10/2011 22:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26660

You deserved it

9955

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/4/2012 04:48 - United States

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22874

You deserved it

2417

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/7/2014 16:13 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41316

You deserved it

3070

Favorite

By analbel - 5/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2736

You deserved it

197

Favorite

By whatafuckhead - 23/11/2015 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it. Then I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21276

You deserved it

4858

Favorite

By Tajjali Fatima - 13/9/2020 22:58

The X Factor

Today, I was singing in a terrible voice on purpose during a Zoom call from school, thinking I was on mute. I carried on, until a message saying, "The host has muted you" appeared on my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

483

You deserved it

1482

Favorite

By queenbee - 14/6/2015 13:31 - United States - Media

Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26040

You deserved it

2474

Favorite

By WonderWall09 - 8/5/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84616

You deserved it

4764

Favorite

By MonCoiffeurAdoré - 28/6/2012 02:43

Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34889

You deserved it

2116

Favorite

By Colormered - 12/1/2010 15:08 - France

Today, I spent all day organizing a list of electronic parts for my boss. I found the easiest way was to color problem parts in the spreadsheet red and okay parts green. After I finished at the end of the day, I found out my boss is red-green colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32286

You deserved it

3559

Favorite

By SleepyMommy - 8/5/2016 17:05 - United States - Pomona

Today, my husband was going to let me sleep in for Mother's Day. That would have been great, if my brother didn't call me at 5:30 in the morning to say Happy Mother's Day. Now I'm up like any other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11309

You deserved it

1040

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 16:00

They Do.

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1099

You deserved it

986

Favorite

By littelace - 19/2/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria's Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, "I wish I looked like that." He replied with, "Me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45866

You deserved it

24425

Favorite

By jesuscrip - 18/2/2016 06:08 - United States - Orrville

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I saw a woman in her late thirties pull out some hair and put it in her food, then threaten to sue me and the restaurant. She also told me no one would believe me, a teenager, when I told her I saw her put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23632

You deserved it

1441

Favorite

By Bliggins - 28/11/2012 03:08 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44840

You deserved it

2918

Favorite

By Jim Smith - 21/2/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20256

You deserved it

27617

Favorite

By Volunteer - 13/9/2013 22:24 - United States - Elwood

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43880

You deserved it

10909

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/4/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10678

You deserved it

44344

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/5/2013 07:18 - United States

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39588

You deserved it

4866

Favorite

By MagnusDeus - 7/6/2015 15:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27589

You deserved it

1735

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 23:00

What's your emergency?

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1688

You deserved it

269

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40824

You deserved it

15177

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2019 20:00

Racing rats

Today, after working my ass off for months for an open supervisor job at my work, I found out that they hired someone for the position. The guy has never worked for the company before, has a background completely unrelated to what we do, and has to be trained as he knows nothing about what we do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1551

You deserved it

107

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By phalacee | 0

#2522721 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 9:43

open your mail when it arrives and pay your taxes, and you'll be fine ...

By deathbunny256 | 0

#265699 - Thursday 4 June 2009 17:01

Yeah the words Christmas and fucking shouldn't really be that close together in a sentence. :)))))) fat smile

COMMENTS

By HanisMan01 | 0

#492 - Saturday 7 February 2009 13:18

Aww Yes The Real World Of Debt....Gotta love it

SAF_fml | 0

#418261 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 5:55

mens asses

DoomJeff91 | 2

#510749 - Monday 24 August 2009 7:49

FUCK YEAH TAXES FUUUUUUCKKKKK

By deathbunny256 | 0

#265699 - Thursday 4 June 2009 17:01

Yeah the words Christmas and fucking shouldn't really be that close together in a sentence. :)))))) fat smile

By RedRose | 0

#351842 - Monday 29 June 2009 10:23

That is so bad! Hopefully there is a return policy for allcthe gifts you bought. :))))))))))))))) fatter smile

By HunterStockton | 0

#715324 - Friday 11 December 2009 18:26

A tax inspection? Shit... Not a tax inspection. If you've declared what you should've done, you've got nothing to worry about. If you haven't and it's a large amount (i.e. one they'll actually give a shit about) you're a douche for not structuring it properly offshore.