Transportation: Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into... - FML

By ClutchJunkie - 05/12/2016 15:44

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 069

You deserved it 1 181

Taking stock

My boss, the shitgibbon

Put your back into it

By geli - 09/08/2016 00:12

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 705

You deserved it 1 413

By Anonymous - 19/12/2018 20:00

Today as I was waiting at the gynecologist I texted my husband to see if birth control pills were covered on our insurance...yep texted my boss instead who I had been asking about a raise..don’t think I’ll be getting that raise... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 623

By gymgirl - 17/12/2013 23:48 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 243

You deserved it 3 813

By Crazy In-Laws - 20/11/2016 22:54 - United States - Danvers

Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 446

You deserved it 686

Fault

By problemchild - 02/11/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say, "Yes she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 565

You deserved it 3 715

I want to smell feet

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 14:01

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 124

By rosmaizura - 01/10/2010 07:39 - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 362

You deserved it 22 336

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 17:32 - Japan - Yokohama

Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 771

You deserved it 4 488

Keeper

By ughreally - 20/09/2013 00:20 - United States - Sartell

Spicy

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I F*ck On First Dates". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 910

You deserved it 6 434

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 20:05

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 417

By RevolutionLove - 10/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 362

You deserved it 5 349

By DontGetSlapped - 18/02/2013 00:24 - United States - Conway

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 433

You deserved it 2 506

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 436

You deserved it 2 878

By virginmary - 06/12/2009 08:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 419

You deserved it 3 170

By NittanyMangini - 26/05/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 219

You deserved it 1 504

By sicksicksick - 01/06/2012 08:41 - Senegal

Today, after years of lobbying for a travel job, I'm finally in Africa. Everything I eat or drink comes violently back out both directions. When I don't eat or drink, I pass out. Essentially I have to choose between illness and consciousness. Hello, fabulous new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 154

You deserved it 6 884

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 016

You deserved it 10 561

By Drafrica - 13/10/2014 10:20 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 625

You deserved it 5 764

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 260

You deserved it 12 661

Heavy

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 04:04 - United States

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 86

By Casey - 11/06/2009 12:59 - France

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 124

You deserved it 4 186

Thanks, I hate it

By ken - 19/07/2011 07:40 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 183

You deserved it 3 587

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 06:21 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 546

You deserved it 5 618

By dntstopmenow - 14/03/2009 05:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was writing a very important email to my college professor. I went upstairs for something and came back down to send it. I later asked him today why he hadn't responded to which he said "I'm flattered...but can't." My roommate had added "love you xxx" at the end of the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 166

You deserved it 7 619

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 618

You deserved it 36 613

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 411

By Jay - 06/06/2009 13:17 - United States

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 682

You deserved it 7 189

Hope springs eternal

By Work Life Imbalance - 17/02/2021 22:59

Today, I started working my third job, on top of a full time job and a casual job. Why? My partner got sacked from her job, because she did nothing while working from home. She will look for a job "when the economy improves and we hit peak vaccination." Vaccinations don’t start in my country for another 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 134

By ideserveit - 28/05/2016 22:10 - Finland

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 942

You deserved it 1 807

By Nate - 31/03/2011 15:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 24 887

By our kids will be derps - 22/06/2013 19:28 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 406

You deserved it 6 920

By maryfaithh - 27/01/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 495

You deserved it 25 928

By Wobblefat - 14/12/2016 13:16

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brothers erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 878

You deserved it 4 305

By OldHabitsDieHard - 18/09/2013 14:53 - United States - Erie

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 665

You deserved it 18 695

Weird and scary

By kira - 09/03/2021 08:01

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 78

By wdones97 - 08/10/2018 14:00

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 2 804

By Noca - 23/03/2009 01:02 - United States

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 185

You deserved it 34 752

By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 307

You deserved it 6 657

By Derpina - 21/12/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 483

You deserved it 5 163

By ss - 06/09/2011 13:17 - Australia

Today, I took my new iPhone into a technician to complain that when people called me, the audio was very quiet and muffled. Convinced it was a fault, I demanded a replacement. That is when he peeled off the factory issued protective screen that covered the ear piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 242

You deserved it 53 792

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Top comments

colton_colton 49

Thursday 8 December 2016 1:04

That would sum up me whenever I try and fix anything.

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:12

Oh man, that sucks! I'm sorry OP. Hopefully you'll be able to get another car soon! You could even find one that's even better than this one! Best of luck!

Comments

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 14:20

Wow not sure I can laugh at that, it's ironic haha but sad as hell too.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:03

It'd be great if all of those hours of wrench time was accompanied by some knowledge of how cars work.

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:03

Best of luck OP! Hope everything gets better..

colton_colton 49

Thursday 8 December 2016 1:04

That would sum up me whenever I try and fix anything.

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:08

Oh man, that sucks! I'm sorry OP. But this perfectly describes me whenever I try to fix anything.

tj4234 35

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:10

Wow... that's one of those things that sucks so badly I couldn't help but laugh when I read it. I hope it wasn't too badly damaged. Do you know what caused it?

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:11

Pyrotechnics towing and salvage yard-: New mechanics needed : apply in person next to the crisp rims.. Sorry, about your luck..

liinkinparkfan97 34

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:12

Oh man, that sucks! I'm sorry OP. Hopefully you'll be able to get another car soon! You could even find one that's even better than this one! Best of luck!

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Thursday 8 December 2016 6:01

depends on the car i know some go for quite a bit of money especially if you use OEM equipment. it's not just a oh i can buy a nicer one especially if a lot of money was invested into the vehicle

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:20

lemme guess, firebird? sucks though, hope it can be salvaged

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Thursday 8 December 2016 1:27

Now it's a hot wheel

t_fml 11

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Thursday 8 December 2016 2:33

hahaha that actually made me laugh out loud..

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 0

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 148