Miscellaneous: Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me...

By SisterOfTard - 10/11/2014 16:31 - United States - Florence

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 449

You deserved it 4 711

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Same thing different taste

By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - 23/03/2014 20:25 - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 555

You deserved it 4 566

By Kelly - 02/08/2012 08:11 - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 182

You deserved it 3 191

By Flip - 02/05/2012 05:06 - France

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 818

You deserved it 58 562

Don't hate the player…

By Jpaylay - 12/08/2021 14:00 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my brother bamboozled me out of 20$. He's 12 years-old, and I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 807

By _guy_j - 06/09/2015 03:11 - United States - Glendora

Today, my brother got a job as an Uber driver. Now, whenever I need a ride from him, he insists I pay him money through the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 268

You deserved it 3 395

Mixed signals

By max - 07/02/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "Oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 451

You deserved it 2 986

Breakout

By liisiuu - 13/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 041

You deserved it 901

The hustler

By Anonymous - 23/11/2019 01:00

Today, my boyfriend of six months, who happened to be my first kiss, broke up with me after borrowing 120 dollars. Not twenty minutes later, he was at the bar drinking with my brothers and my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 318

You deserved it 213

Classy.

By klifestyle2012 - 12/11/2017 19:00

Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 164

You deserved it 344

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:00 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 858

You deserved it 3 994

Rainbow_dumpster 28

Monday 10 November 2014 23:46

Eeeewwwwwwwww

rachelottavia 16

Monday 10 November 2014 23:46

I hope you didn't say yes!

Comments

jeanyrios 10

Tuesday 11 November 2014 5:46

Speechless

Ironmayhem 22

Tuesday 11 November 2014 6:01

ewww, cooties...

shine999 12

Tuesday 11 November 2014 6:02

Give him a tight slap..that might bring him back to his senses.

RektRules 12

Tuesday 11 November 2014 6:09

I'm just here for the FMLS. Oh, that's what were all here for?

crandel 11

Tuesday 11 November 2014 6:20

$20 for a bit of kissing? Seems like a good deal to me...

an3ph 20

Tuesday 11 November 2014 6:46

Soooo... How was it?!

thes7274473 19

Tuesday 11 November 2014 6:51

That is not okay... And that is not okay!

AlittleSanity 11

Tuesday 11 November 2014 7:17

You should offer him $20 to go screw himself!

Stephencharis 14

Tuesday 11 November 2014 7:30

I almost threw up....that's gross...

CaptainRR 20

Tuesday 11 November 2014 9:09

Oh Kentucky

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The Top

Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 117

You deserved it 3 066

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 039

You deserved it 3 724

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 554

You deserved it 1 077

Today, my boss still won't believe in climate change, and won't do anything to reduce our carbon footprint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 527

Today, I shat myself in the middle of Walmart. It dripped out the bottom of my pants till i made it to the restroom, which was on the other side of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 267

Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 90